Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
EDWARD SANDFORD MARTIN`````````````````
Courtroom DialogueLawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident.
Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Lawyer: How old is your son? The one living with you.
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?
Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
Witness: We both do.
Lawyer: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Lawyer: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Lawyer: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: What did she say?
Witness: She said 'What disco am I at?'
Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Witness: I went to Europe, Sir.
Lawyer: And you took your new wife?
Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there any girls?
Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget things.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?
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Cow EconomyTRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows... both are mad.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows... and the one on the left is kinda cute...
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Crazy LawsPenal Code 6260, California State Vehicle Act, Chapter XVIII, Paragrapf 187, reads:
It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game bird or mammal--except a whale, from an automobile or an airplane.
Ordinance No. 16 of Columbus, Mont. provides that;
Any person who shall not lift his hat to the Mayor as he passes him in the street, will be guilty of a misdemeanor.
Boys are prohibited from throwing snowballs at trees within the city limits of Mt. Pulaski, Ill., according to Section 37 of the Revised Ordinances of that city.
All Wisconsin boarding houses clubs, hotels and restaurants must serve with every meal sold at twenty-five cents or more, not less than two-thirds of an ounce of cheese.
Connecticut General Statutes provides for the punishment by fine or imprisonment for the "Enticing of a neighbor's bees".
The Revised Statutes of Kansas, 1923, state: It shall be unlawful for any person to exhibit in a public way within the State of Kansas, any sort of exhibition that consists of the eating or pretending to eat of snakes, lizards, scorpions, centipedes, tarantulas, or other reptiles.
The State Housing Act of California, Sec. 74 reads: No horse, cow, calf, swine, sheep, goat, mule, or other animal, chicken, pigeon, goose, duck, or other poultry shall be kept in any apartment house or hotel or any part thereof.
In Alderson W.Va, an ordinance states: No lions shall be allowed to run wild on the streets of this city.
This is the law in Kansas: When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both come to a complete stop, and neither shall start up until the other has gone.
In 1907, Michigan passed a law which reads: An act to provide for the lawful taking of suckers, mullet, dogfish, and lawyers from the Sturgeon River
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Good morning everyboomie.
We have had a very cloudy day with some light rain all day. It was plenty warm enough though.
Wednesday is supposed to be 64 with 'plenty of sunshine' and Thursday is going to be 69 and mostly sunny.
That's a lot to be thankful for.............plus the Cowboys are playing.
You gotta keep perspective right?
Priorities.
At least I'm not a deer hunter.
Bambi is safe with me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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