I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.

ALEX REED

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Fitness Thoughts

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

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Florida Slogans

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.

FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.

FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!

FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?

FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.

FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.

FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.

FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.

FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.

FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us!

FLORIDA: Once is never enough!

FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes!

FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.

FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.

FLORIDA: We're retired --no wait-- we're retarded!

FLORIDA: Don't count on us!

FLORIDA: Home of the edible chad.

FLORIDA: Bumbling better than ever!

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Foreign Signs
1. Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

2. At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

3. Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

5. In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

6. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

7. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

8. The best! In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

9. Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

10. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

11. Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

12. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

13. A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

14. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

15. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

16. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

17. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

18. In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

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Good morning everyboomie.


Today's prize is a brand new week, and you're all winners.


Not sure what I'll do today, but I know it'll be something.


This house in on pier and beams, and there are uneven floors. One bed that I have to shim up under one corner so that it doesn't rock, and doors that have uneven gaps at either the top or bottom.


I've been wanting (not really), to go under the house to see if I can jack up the sagging spots, and re-brace it, or shim it up, and level it out.


It's not exactly my idea of a fun way to spend my day, but I don't like the feeling that I'm walking down hill in spots in my house.


I'm sure it'll be a project instead of a minor chore. I went to Walmart to find some coveralls, but all they have are $70 thermal insulated ones. Not what I want.


I'll fix it.


My pups have their own plans for the day as well. Not sure what they are.


Have a happy day everyone.

Have a great Monday Joe and all who follow.

It's Sunday night here, and it's back to work again for me in the morning. It turns out my co-worker won't be returning until the 19th, so I'll be doing the work of two people for two more weeks. I think I'm going to need a long vacation after this.

As for now, I'm off to sleep. Have a great day, everyone.

Joe, that sounds like a big project! I hope you can get it done.
I took Shadow for a long hike yesterday, but had to leave Merlin at home. We got about 6 inches of snow.

venus, just keep telling yourself the money will be worth it!

Ana

Good morning and Happy Birthday Joe! Let's celebrate with a party worthy of Joe's Diner! Cake, coffee, tea and lots of goodies for Joe! Enjoy everyone!

Good morning,have all a happy day.

Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Joe, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC.

Good morning everyone.

I'm sipping on my second cup, and staring out at a bleak looking day, and I'm wondering again, if I want to try and get oiut and do anything today. I don't really have anything I have to do as far as that goes.

I do want to walk on the treadmill. I've done the other exercise for the last two days, and I'm sore in a couple of places.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I hear there's a party going on upstairs.

What is everyone else doing here on the 5th of December?

joe

Joe!! Thanks for the laughs and have fun what ever you decide to do today!! Have a lovely day!

venus may work fly and go well and you have a lovely day!

Ana 6 inches???? Ours is all gone but from the picture my daughter sent me we had a couple inches. Sassy loves snow! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the tea and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the birthday cupcakes and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

:wave:
Nan

Magnificent Monday ya'll

It's rainy and overcast out there. We'll take it happily as every drop helps with the drought.

I'm taking Keoki to the vet later today to check on a couple of things. And calling our plumber. Kitchen floor was underwater again yesterday, though not today. Not sure if the plumber can find the leak when it's not actively leaking...or maybe it's just the boys being extremely messy when they do dishes????

I may cook a book or two today...or I may put my feet up and go "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" all day until vet time. We shall see.

Joe, hope you have a lovely lovely day!

Venus, at least you'll be getting good hours.

Ana, glad you got out but sorry Merlin couldn't make it. Enjoy the snow.

Gerry, thanks for the goodies.

Haroula,

Connie, how is Outlaw?

Nan, we got 7.5 inches officially. It's beautiful out there! Glad you made it home safely.

L4L, hope you can figure out where the water is coming from.

Joe, I hope you do exactly what you feel like doing today. It's your day!

Connie, Haroula, Gerry, hope your day is great!

I had to redo some lab work this morning at the docs and now I have to prep a couple rooms for painting tomorrow and wash walls.

Good morning Nan. Baby has seen snow, but it's been a couple of years. Missy has never seen it of course.

Good morning L4L. Are you guys in the North, or South? It looks like Alabama has quite a good rain mass moving over. I hope you get lots.

I see New Orleans is getting pounded right now.

joe

Edit: I missed you Ana. Good morning. Is it still snowing there? Painting is a good job for a day like this. I could do some more of that. It's 45 degrees outside but dry.

Good afternoon Boomers.

Another cold night. Wow. We are actually feeling like we have 'seasons'. Day is warm though, in the 70's and dry. Gonna crisp up all those live trees on the corner lots. I always buy a live (potted) tree and plant it in the yard after. Small house, small tree, makes a good green yard. Last year's Norfolk Pine has gone from 2 feet high to 6 feet! It's huge and lovely.

Off to Costly Co today for some yummies. Still doing my Christmas shopping for everyone. Almost done except for thsoe items I see while I'm out and then the 'haul' grows. Just can't resist some of the good stuff.

Hi SpaceQuest, Sorta, and everyone.

We almost got some sunshine today. At least I saw some blue sky. Now we have that 'bit of rain' falling.

It warmed up enough to take the dogs to the park, so we went and they had a blast.

After that, I came back and walked on my treadmill for an hour, then I took my shower, and then I cooked and ate my supper.

Now I'm kinda chilling out. I appreciate everyone's birthday wishes. They really warm the heart.

joe

Finally finished washing walls. Such a pain! Now I am going to paint some sample colors on the walls. I'm still undecided on what color. It'd have an easier time picking out a wedding dress.

Good luck finding a color Ana.

Well, I'm off to sleep. I have to be up at 2 am tomorrow. Good night, everyone.

Good night Boomers.