Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
Washington Irving
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What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why doesn't Santa have any children ? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!
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A Light-bulb Moment
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
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Confessions of a Store Santa
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along,
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
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Did You Dye Your Beard?
You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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The Wright Way to Give
One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box
of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of
Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”
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Christmas Freedom
The holiday
season:
a deeply religious
time that each of us
observes, in his own way, by going to the
mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
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Better Luck Next Year
I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”
Bernard Manning
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Insulting Santa
This mall
Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.
Conan O’Brien
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It Beats a Board Meeting
The office Christmas party
is a great opportunity to catch up
with people you haven’t seen for
20 minutes.
@juliussharpe
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Scrooge, Junior Grade
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: “Let’s play Christmas. I’ll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I’ll give you away.”
—Contributed by Mrs. Kenneth Labaugh
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Scene: A man applying for credit
at a department store.
Clerk: What do you do for a living?
Man: I’m a tree trimmer.
Clerk: What do you do after Christmas?
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Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school?
That’s right—he was elf taught.
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Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A: A pineapple.
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This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
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I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning. That way, I get to sleep in.
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One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also
go in mid-December.
— Louis C.K.
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My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____.”
His response: “Receipts.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's not long now. I hope you've got all your gift wrapping done, so you can come and do mine now.
Our Friday is actually not going to be too frosty. Thirty seven degrees tonight, and the 47 for the high on Friday.
The only issue is 20% chance of thunderstorms and I have to drive to Dallas to pick up Jason tomorrow at 5:00.
I'm totally exhausted right now because I spent over 2 hours going round and round with AT&T trying to cancel an order I had placed an hour earlier, for internet service, and STILL did not get it cancelled. What a circus!
I'll be on the phone again in the morning.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
L4L, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 88Panda tonight. 
Danish, BB Pancakes, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. 
