The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.
HELEN KELLER
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JOIN THE FERTILIZER CLUB - FREE!This letter is being sent to you because we know that you are critically interested in the condition of your lawn. This is a fertilizer club that will not cost you a cent to join! Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and blip on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.
Then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate a good lawn. Add your name to the letter. You will not get any money or checks, but within one week , if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,126 people blipping on your lawn. Your reward will come next spring when you will have one of the greenest, most beautiful lawns in the neighborhood.
Mrs. Harry Butt - 236 Corn Cob Alley
Mrs. Smelly B. Hind - 475 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Apple Crop - 1422 Enema Drive
Mrs. Bigger Movement - 89 Rectum Road
Mr. Go More Piles - 741 Hemorrhoid Street
Mr. C. Howie F*rts - Whistle Britches Ave.
Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Springer - 2 Suppository Lane
Mr. & Mrs. Took A. Fizzik - 634 Running Loose Lane
P.S. If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbour. Don't break the chain. One Man didn't give a blip and lost his entire lawn. Best wishes for a greener lawn, and more fun at your lawn parties!!!
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Insurance DebateThe American Medical Association has weighed in on National Health Insurance...
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the butt holes in Washington.
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Internet Withdrawal
These days we are all some what caught in an "Internet lifestyle", so here are some things you can do in the horrific event your ISP goes down...1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.
9. Get ass groove in chair fixed at store.
10. Tylenol... Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!
11. Do shopping with clothes on.
12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.
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Good morning everyboomie. I only have one thing to say this morning.
Six times.
joe
acebook
witter
