I broke up with my girlfriend. She moved in with another guy, and I draw the line at that.
GARRY SHANDLING
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Los Alamos Secured
The Los Alamos National Lab in New Mexico, a supposedly high-security nuclear weapons facility, has had a series of infamous screw-ups in where top secret information has been misplaced or stolen.Top attempts to tighten security at the Los Alamos lab include...
18. Ask Napster to kindly remove all Los Alamos nuclear secrets from the download share list.
17. All researchers are given amnesia-producing mallet blow each night, memory-restoring mallet blow the next morning.
16. All documents will now be encrypted in the new, unbreakable "Ig-pay Atin-lay" format.
15. Hard drives now equipped with Lojack tracking systems.
14. "Accidental" radiation leak turns regular security guards into meaner, tougher mutant security guards.
13. Barkless Basenji guard dog replaced with out of work Taco Bell Chihuahua.
12. Cease giving out day passes over the radio to the "15th foreign national who calls right now!"
11. Janitors Boris and Mao swear that "Jake the Security Guard is a commie [blip]. Start there, comrade!"
10. Immediately suspend "you break it, you bought it" policy on hard drives.
9. Chinese take-out no longer a lunch option.
8. All communication in secured areas must now be done in Klingon. Added benefit: the scientists are thrilled!
7. a) "Accidentally" leave plans for latest weapon by the office water cooler. b) First country to utilize a $5 billion [blip] Bomb clearly the guilty party.
6. Cafeteria Happy Meals no longer include a free ZIP disk.
5. Visitors answering the guard's challenge with "Foe" now required to sign guest book before entry.
4. Security guards limited to one "WHAAZZZUUP!" walkie-talkie conversation per hour.
3. Finally allow Chief of Security Barney Fife to load his gun.
2. "Shave and a Haircut" knock replaced with more secure "My Sharona" knock.
1. From now on, all security guards must pass the new "Your Ass From a Hole in the Ground" test.
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Love, Lust Or Marriage
How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?LOVE when your eyes meet across a crowded room
LUST when your tongues meet across a crowded room
MARRIAGE when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care
LOVE when intercourse is called making love
LUST all other times
MARRIAGE what's intercourse?
LOVE when you argue over how many children to have
LUST When you argue over who gets the wet spot
MARRIAGE when you argue over money
LOVE when you share everything you own
LUST when you think twice about giving your partner bus money
MARRIAGE when the bank owns everything
LOVE when it doesn't matter if you don't climax
LUST when the relationship is over if you don't climax
MARRIAGE what's a climax?
LOVE when you phone each other just to say "Hi"
LUST when you phone each other just to organize sex
MARRIAGE when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts
LOVE when you write poems about your partner
LUST when all you write is your phone number
MARRIAGE when all you write are check's
LOVE when you show concern for your partners' feelings
LUST when you couldn't give a rip
MARRIAGE when your only concern is what's on TV
LOVE when your farewell is "I love you darling"
LUST when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE when your farewell is silent
LOVE when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner
LUST when you only ever see each other in the bedroom
MARRIAGE when you never see each other awake
LOVE when your heart flutters every time you see them
LUST when your groin twitches every time you see them
MARRIAGE when your wallet empties every time you see them
LOVE when nobody else matters
LUST when nobody else knows
MARRIAGE when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows
LOVE when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel
LUST when it's just the same mushy old [blip]
MARRIAGE when you never listen to music
LOVE when breaking up is something you try not to think about
LUST when staying together is something you try not to think about
MARRIAGE when just getting through today is your only thought
LOVE when you're interested in everything your partner does
LUST when you're only interested in one thing
MARRIAGE when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score
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Good morning everyboomie.
Another day..............is a great idea I think, don't you?
We had about 70 degrees for a high today, and plenty of sunshine after the rain moved through. It was Spring.
After my exercising, I made my Walmart appointment, then I came home and put the groceries up.
I took the doggies to the park, and then I tried real hard to lay down and take a nap because I didn't sleep well last night, but I couldn't nap either. I got up and took Beau back home, then trimmed my dogs nails, and then took them for another walk.
I know one thing for sure. If I didn't have my dogs, I would most likely spend a lot more time inside on my backside.
Gosh darned dogs! 
We are at 54 degrees right now, and Tuesday's high is supposed to be 55. Not Spring, but not bad.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and everyone. It'"s going to be a cold rainy day today. A good day to do some winter cleaning! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. A Happy Day wished for everyone! 
Sorta, Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. It was 86 here yesterday, but will turn cold later this week. Ana, Good vibes for Merlin being sent. Dinner, karaoke, and dancing at 88Panda tonight. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. 
L4L
