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Happy Hump Day #1096164
01/10/17 09:27 PM
01/10/17 09:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

ANONYMOUS

``````````````````

Mother Dictionary


Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

`````````````````

Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me more LOGIC -
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -
"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP -
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR -
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -
"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

```````````````

Mouse Balls

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences...

To: Whom this may concern

Re: Replacement of mouse balls

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

```````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Wednesday already? How nice. grin


Yesterday was a really nice day, especially after the 90 mile per hour winds stopped. thumbsup


I didn't have much to do, but I did take the dogs to the park for a extra long walk. lab


We are still supposed to have a couple of more days in the 70s, or high 60s. yes


I may have to take a drive out to the country today, I don't know for sure. witch


Gotta get out of the house. woot


Have a happy day everyone. urock


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 01/10/17 09:28 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096174
01/10/17 10:25 PM
01/10/17 10:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Have fun on your drive Joe! Windy here too!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1096175
01/10/17 10:38 PM
01/10/17 10:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great day everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096192
01/11/17 01:48 AM
01/11/17 01:48 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a nice day all. joy2


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096199
01/11/17 05:20 AM
01/11/17 05:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer
MsMercury  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,378
Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope you are all well!

Windy and cold here with snow on the way shiver

Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts wave


"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096206
01/11/17 07:34 AM
01/11/17 07:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
wave2 Good morning Joe, Ana, Space,Haroula, Mary and everyone. Mary it's so nice to see you posting in the Diner. How are you doing? It's been cold and snowy here but we are due for a break in the weather today. I've put the coffee, tea, and hot chocolate on. Happy Day wished for you all! wave2


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096213
01/11/17 08:26 AM
01/11/17 08:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Biscuits and Gravy in the NC. Biscuit Bottoms for L4L. lab


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096228
01/11/17 10:53 AM
01/11/17 10:53 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Morning everybody. Weather went from the teens yesterday to 50 for this afternoon. Will be walking Nina for sure today. Wishing everyone a super good day today! joy


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096233
01/11/17 11:40 AM
01/11/17 11:40 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Good morning everybody!!

Last night the snow stopped but when I got up it had snowed again. lol And by Friday it will be -25. shiver So enjoy your day and have a lovely day!

Joe thanks for the chuckles!!

L4l good luck at the doc and hope he can have you all fixed up in no time at all, HUGS! Come on up and you can freeze those bugs. lol

Midge hope your neck is feeling better, HUGS!

Gail enjoy those 50's!!!

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096237
01/11/17 12:12 PM
01/11/17 12:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll

Just biding my time til I leave for the doc's. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096241
01/11/17 12:31 PM
01/11/17 12:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
Good luck at the docs L4L! hearts

I'm having a day, my truck broke, Shadow won't put any weight on his back left leg at all and I will be in the corner working all day. I'm hoping that he just sprained something and it'll pass in a day. He started last night just before bed.

Have a great day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096246
01/11/17 01:17 PM
01/11/17 01:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hope your day gets better Ana!

Today we are spitting rain, but nothing big so far. They predict 2 storms to hit, but so far, in my little corner of Paradise, we are not getting much of anything. Just a nice little sheltered corner of San Diego County, close to the border, where the prevailing winds seem to just pass us by. Not all of the county, just my little area. Nice.

As for the new neighbors in the Squatter's house. Betcha think I forgot right? Not. I've been watching the activities and things are pretty calm after all the initial parties of the new owners. Worst thing is the junk vehicles which are appearing one by one in the driveway, and then being pushed into the back yard to sit under huge tarps. Dunno what the final plan is for those. BUT now, I see a 'Landscaping' truck out front, get my binoculars and see that the AWESOME, old fruit tree, some sort of tropical rare thing that looks like a pear and tastes like vanilla pudding, is now badly damaged. Since they moved in, they have been 'trimming' it little by little.

So of the 3 huge linbs that came from the ground to about 30 feet high, only ONE remains. The 2nd that I can see has been CUT and is lying on the ground. I think they are going to remove it entirely. Sad sad sad. Very rare tree and great fruit that neighbors all come to ask for and that the old guy used to bag up and distribute to everyone. They only last a few days before spoiling, but oh the taste! So I think this is the end of a proud and wonderful tree that provided fruit and shade. It's the last bit of shade in that yard. I'm guessing that the dropping fruit became a problem for the family since they put down Astro-Turf and it probably was making quite a mess. I'm in mourning. cry


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1096250
01/11/17 01:32 PM
01/11/17 01:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your drive and have a most Happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Rain here. Much needed. Supposed to last through tomorrow and then clear.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096282
01/11/17 05:26 PM
01/11/17 05:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from the docs. I have Pink Eye in both eyes from an untreated sinus infection...did not know that was possible. Anyway, wonderful hubby has been running around dropping off scripts and picking up meds while I'm sanitizing house. This is the first time I've had pink eye. My kids never had it.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1096283
01/11/17 05:40 PM
01/11/17 05:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Wow that is terrible looney. I hope Dr. Soot takes good care of you. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096293
01/11/17 07:13 PM
01/11/17 07:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh he will. Just need to get to the not infectious phase before the g'kids are back over.

How was work?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: looney4labs] #1096303
01/11/17 08:59 PM
01/11/17 08:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Let's just say I'm glad it is over. I have a new boss and things are a little rocky. eek


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096305
01/11/17 09:14 PM
01/11/17 09:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, sending positive thoughts for quick healing. Pink eye and sinus infection is no fun at all! hearts

SpaceQ, so sorry your day wasn't the best. Do we need to have a chat with your boss and set him straight? whistle


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1096316
01/11/17 09:55 PM
01/11/17 09:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Let's just hope for the best. Things have a way of working themselves out sometimes. Fingers crossed.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096320
01/11/17 11:18 PM
01/11/17 11:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
I will send positive thoughts SpaceQ! It never hurts!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1096325
01/11/17 11:54 PM
01/11/17 11:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thanks, Ana wave

Space, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things smooth over quickly.

Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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