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#1096312 - 01/11/17 08:30 PM Happy Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 31920
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

````````````````

Music Jokes


Q. What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A. The bull has the horns in the front and the butt hole in the back.

Q. Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A. They've had so little use.

Q. Why is a conductor like a condom?
A. It's safer with one, but more fun without.

Q. What's the difference between God and a conductor?
A. God knows He's not a conductor.

Q. What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A. The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q. What's a bassoon good for?
A. Kindling for an accordion fire.

Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A. Give him some sheet music.

Q. What's a guy that hangs out with musicians called?
A. A drummer.

Q. How can you tell when a drummer is sitting up straight?
A. He dribbles out of both sides of his mouth!

Q. What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A. You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q. Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A. Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

Q. How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A. He doesn't know when to come in.

Q. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A. "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

Q. How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
A. Shoot one.

Q. What is the range of a piccolo?
A. Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.

Q. What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
A. When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim.

Q. What's the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
A. A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q. If a drummer and a bass guitarist caught a cab, which one would be the musician?
A. The cab driver.

Q. Why are so many violists dating drummers?
A. It makes them feel superior.

Q. What's the difference between a sax player and a lawn mower?
A. One cuts grass and the other smokes it.

Q. What would you do if you had all the bagpipe players on earth lined up end-to-end to the moon and back?
A. Leave them there.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.

Q. Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica?
A. Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica.

Q. What do violists and Mike Tyson have in common?
A. They both are hard on ears.

Q. Why is intermission only 20 minutes long?
A. So that the cellists don't have to be retrained.

Q. Why are harps like elderly parents?
A. They're both unforgiving and hard to get in and out of cars.

````````````````

My Stupid Ex

You want to know how stupid my ex really is?


1. He/she took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

2. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

3. He misspells I.Q.

4. He thought Boyz II Men was a day care center and Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

5. Under "education" on his job application, he put "Hooked On Phonics."

6. He tripped over a cordless phone.

7. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."

8. At the bottom of the job application where it says "sign here," he put "Sagittarius."

9. He studied for a blood test.

10. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.

11. He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

12. If he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless.

13. He thought he could only use his AM radio in the morning.

14. He has a shirt that says "TGIF." He thought stood for "This Goes In Front

15. To call him childish is an insult to children everywhere.

16. He has reach rock bottom and started to dig.

17. His gene pool needs chlorination.

18. He's not so much a has-been as a definitely-won't-be.

19. He only opens his mouth to change feet.

20. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

21. He has delusions of adequacy.

22. He qualifies as a gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

23. He would argue with a signpost.

24. He brings a lot of joy, whenever he leaves the room.

25. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

26. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

27. He is a prime candidate for natural de-selection.

28. He is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

29. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

30. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

31. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

32. It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

33. If ignorance is bliss, he's one of the happiest people alive.

34. He stopped to think and forgot to start again.

35. His sole purpose may be to serve as a warning to others.

36. He thinks a hard-on counts as personal growth.

37. He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

38. He is as smart as bait.

39. In an emergency he can't dial 911, because there's no 11 on his phone.

40. He doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

41. He forgot to pay his brain bill.

42. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

43. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

44. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

45. He is missing a few buttons on his remote control.

46. His receiver is off the hook.

47. He would go surfing in Nebraska.

48. He is an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

49. He is dumber than a box of lint.

50. He took as IQ test and results came back negative.

51. He is all foam and no beer.

52. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I think I'm going to have to go back to work. smirk


I'm tired of reliving the same day over and over and over again and again and again. rolleyes


I hate redundancy! razz


Every single day is the day after yesterday. slapforehead


It's driving me crazy Miss Daisy. hardwall


I think I'm finally going to get a break tomorrow though.


Tomorrow cannot be the day after yesterday, because it's the day after today. yay Whew!


Maybe I won't have to be committed after all. woot


Have a happy day after today everyone.


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (01/11/17 08:31 PM)
_________________________
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

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#1096317 - 01/11/17 08:56 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15302
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great day everyone. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1096318 - 01/11/17 08:59 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74065
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Are you getting bored, Joe?

SpaceQ, wave

It's a rainy, icy night right now. It was thundering earlier. Not the usual January sounds. Shadow still won't put weight on his foot unless he runs fast and then its just a tap. I hope today will be better.

Have a happy day all!


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (01/11/17 08:59 PM)
Edit Reason: missed SpaceQ
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1096330 - 01/12/17 01:02 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Have a great day all. wavegirl
_________________________
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".


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#1096345 - 01/12/17 06:06 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22228
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana, Haroula and everyone. We are going to have a rainy day today. It will hopefully melt the snow! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. Have a great day everyone! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#1096348 - 01/12/17 07:19 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15590
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning all. Thanks for the tea Gerry. I'm waiting for Connie to have BB pancakes this morning. I'll wait......
I have a drs appointment to have a chest Xray this morning. I've got something going on in my heart. It's not serious but my doctor wants to monitor it to make sure it's not getting any worse. Have a good day.

Midgie hearts wavegirl
_________________________
Just do it.

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#1096349 - 01/12/17 07:28 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 9918
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Thump Day. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Waffles in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#1096361 - 01/12/17 09:02 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18073
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers puppy

Joe, Hope you find something interesting to do today.

Ana, hugs to Shadow. It's sad when we know our little friends are hurting.

Space, good morning!

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Midgie, good luck at the doc's today. Hugs!

Connie, have a great day!

Raining today. Good stay in and game day. joy
_________________________
Gail

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#1096365 - 01/12/17 09:10 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12034
Loc: Scotland
Hello Boomers, hope all is well with you!

Woke up to snow this morning, not much but it's falling again. First this winter. We went ahead and bought our holiday home which I'm sure will get a lot of use during the warmer weather. It's on the coast, 5 minutes from a lovely beach.

Have a great day guys!

Mary wave hearts shiver
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#1096370 - 01/12/17 10:05 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14605
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to the doc's I go in 11 degrees below!! shiver Have a lovely day day everybody!!

Good luck Midge!! HUGS!

Ana HUGS to you and Shadow!! Hope his leg is better soonest!

L4l HUGS and prayers all heals quickly for you!!!

wave
Nan

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#1096373 - 01/12/17 10:42 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47183
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day out there. In the 60's now and heading toward the 70's. I think I'll gear up and get the guys out for a ramble around the neighborhood.

Boys will be here after school. I cannot believe they are out of school Again...they just went back on Monday after being out since Mid Dec. We sure didn't have breaks like this back in the day.

Joe, those days do start to run together, but neverfear, Tomorrow does indeed get here. Have fun!

Space, wave

Awwww, Ana, I'm sorry Shadow is still having problems. I take it you don't see anything?

Haroula, how's the family?

Gerry, thanks.

Midgy, sorry to hear that. Gentle hugs.

Yum, Connie, thanks.

Enjoy your stay-in day, Gail.

Mary, grats on your new place. Use it often.

Nan, luck
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1096380 - 01/12/17 11:45 AM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 74065
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
L4L, I have gone over every single part of him with a flashlight on paw, between toes, nails, leg, etc. too many times to count. Many massages too of his hip to toes which he's loving. laugh Shadow is ever so lightly using his foot today so I am hopeful it's just a sprain. It's icy out so very possible he fell and I didn't see. He is such a trooper and never complains of pain, a true labrador, tough as nails!
How are you feeling today?

Midgie, good luck!

Thank you all for Shadows good wishes! hearts

I have to go, I have a deadline for work and need to stay in the corner.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1096381 - 01/12/17 12:08 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47183
Loc: Alabama
Ana, I'm glad there is nothing obvious. I bet you are right and it's a sprain. Labs are tough. Glad he is using it a bit.

I am better than yesterday. I can see joy I have a ways to go, but at least I am moving in the right direction happydance
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1096397 - 01/12/17 03:34 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: looney4labs]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15302
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1096403 - 01/12/17 03:57 PM Re: Happy Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47183
Loc: Alabama
Welcome home, Space wavegirl

What's up for the night?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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