We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
ROBERT WILENSKY
``````````````````
New Dog VarietiesCollie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Oh, you know....
````````````````
New Medications
Advances in science have lead to new medicines that make the lives of women around the world a little better...Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-One-all
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.
JackAsspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Antitalksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamat
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
``````````````
New Word Definitions
The local newspaper recently asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
```````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It's been cold, cloudy, rainy here all day. Mostly just cold and cloudy.
I did some exercising, and some laundry, but mostly I was just lazy and shiftless.
Most of the day I've been waiting for the two football games to start.
One football game started at 3:30, and the other one is starting right now. The first one was a sling fest, with Atlanta out-slinging Seattle.
Now it's the Patriots and Texans. I would love to see Texans come away with a win, but I don't see it happening.
Tomorrow the
COWBOYS play Greenbay.
I've had my shower, and now I have to get something for supper cooking. I'm starving.......again.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope your Cowboys win even though I am a Green Pay fan.
Have a happy day. 
