Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
JACK HANDEY
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Office Wisdom1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
6. Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Well, in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
26. If you're going be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
27. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my foot soldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!
29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.
31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?
32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....
33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some [blip] with a torch, bringing me more work.
35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
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Old Age AlphabetA's for arthritis,
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains - perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show...
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus - there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary... big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry - NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found;
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have - in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
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Good morning everyboomie.
I had a great day today. I didn't do a thing.
It was again very overcast until about 1:00, and then we began to see some sun.
Actually I did house cleaning until about 12:30, then had some lunch, and then took the pups to the park.
Friday is supposed to be mostly sunny, and I plan on trying to go to the creek.
Does anybody here believe in Bigfoot?
I just watched an episode of
Not Finding Bigfoot, and then an episode of
Still Not Finding Bigfoot.
'Reality TV' really is entertaining.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana, Haroula and everyone. It's going to be another mild day today! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. Enjoy your day everyone. 
looney.