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Magnificent Monday #1097888
01/22/17 10:36 PM
01/22/17 10:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

ANONYMOUS

``````````````

Parent Definitions

Words that you or I would commonly use for one meaning, have a completely different meaning to parents in a family...

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

`````````````````

Perfect Couple

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...











The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...











So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

````````````````

Performance Reviews

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation...


"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural deselection."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

``````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I hope you all had a great weekend. yes


Mine was great. Sunday warmed up good, the only problem was that the wind blew 30 miles per hour all day. slapforehead


I needed sustenance, so I went to Walmart kind of early, came back and put it all up, and then took the dogs to the park for a very windy walk. lab


I did my exercises, and that was it for the day pretty much. duh


I know people have been waiting on the edge of their seat all day to read about my exciting day. shocked


Sorry to disappoint. lol


Karen I would love nothing better than to walk the wilds of Washington, and Oregon to look for points, but 2000 miles is a long way to travel, and that's one way. smirk


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097892
01/22/17 11:47 PM
01/22/17 11:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Hey Joe, you did more than me yesterday. I took the day to get caught up on mail and clean up odds and ends all over. Almost done and it feels great. It was rainy and gray and today looks like more of the same.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097900
01/23/17 04:40 AM
01/23/17 04:40 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a happy day all. joy


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097902
01/23/17 05:24 AM
01/23/17 05:24 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
hamster Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and everyone. We had a beautiful sunny day yesterday for the first time in ages! Great to see the sun for a whole day! Coffee and tea are ready.
Have a great day everyone! hamster


Gerry
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097916
01/23/17 08:41 AM
01/23/17 08:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Storms last night, at least the house didn't blow away. I will check outside later, and see if I can find anything that did. Danish, BB Pancakes, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. wavegirl


Connie
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097920
01/23/17 09:07 AM
01/23/17 09:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers eek12

Joe, have a great day today!

Ana, hope your weather improves.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Connie, Weather is bad in the South. Stay safe.

Weather not so great here today. Expecting a variety mix here today. rain, sleet, snow and wind. Snowing right now. Won't be walking the dog this morning. Wishing everyone a good day! winter


Gail
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097939
01/23/17 12:40 PM
01/23/17 12:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
And yet another day of clouds and some light rain. Help....we need some sun! lol At least it is above freezing for now.

Have a lovely day everybody and stay safe!!!

wave2
Nan

Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: auntiegram] #1097940
01/23/17 12:49 PM
01/23/17 12:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave2 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Magnificent Monday is absolutely magnificent! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Lots and lots of rain this last weekend, and more to come today. Many road and freeway closures in SoCal. I think we're about out of our drought!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097942
01/23/17 01:00 PM
01/23/17 01:00 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
morning , all !

joe , i'm sure your luck will change soon and you'll find something gggd.

nan , happy to share some sun with you !

stay warm and safe gail , connie , and gerry !

ana - doesn't it feel great to get caught up ?

really cold here again ,but at least the sun is out , so that's a good change.

some of this and some of that planned for today , and maybe laundry

if it warms up. recycling needs to go ,too.

see you later , and have a wonderful one in the meantime !


catrub wave2

Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097954
01/23/17 01:52 PM
01/23/17 01:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA

Still Raining here. Another day and maybe 2 of heavy downpours interspersed with nothing but sun and then another downpour. Fun.

Went to check out the 'lake' in my empty back lot. It's about 1 foot deep right now. Won't last long but it's fun to look at. I keep hoping some stray ducks will find it.

Kittens are befuddled. WET They are getting introduced to rain and they don't like it. Still, they have a few nice warm dry areas to camp out. All snuggled together. They run from one deck table to the other (food vs. sleeping). Cute.

MOM cat is still being a trollop. Mated with at least 2 males that she has before. I don't know if there are any others around. She seems to favor one over the other. Today, she's nowhere in sight. Maybe she's moved on to new digs? Maybe she and the favorite male are getting married? Would be nice if she went back to wherever her mom was from before that one dumped her on me.

Kittens 5 months old this week and maybe mom will leave them to this area and go away. Dreaming I guess. Plenty of mice and birds to eat all over this area so she wouldn't starve if she did go somewhere else.

So off to watch rain, listen to thunber. Wow. Finally got one thunderclap out of all this rain. And they said hail in some areas. Hope we get hail!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097970
01/23/17 03:08 PM
01/23/17 03:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Just back from picking up Seagy at the vet. She had surgery on her leg this morning. I was trying to keep her in the kitchen with me so I could cook, but she would not settle down. Now we are in the den and she is on "her" couch and I think she will settle. She is NOT a fan of the cone of shame.

I had lots of plans for the day but they are on hold now. Gotta keep an eye on the girl.

Super windy day out there. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097972
01/23/17 03:21 PM
01/23/17 03:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
What was wrong with Seagy's leg? Positive thoughts for a speedy heal! hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1097991
01/23/17 05:06 PM
01/23/17 05:06 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Have a nice afternoon Boomers wave2


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097992
01/23/17 05:07 PM
01/23/17 05:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
She developed an abscess, most likely from licking. She has long been obsessed with licking one spot on her leg. The vet had checked it many times over the years and there was noting there. If we can keep her from licking, it usually heals up and looks normal, but that is a big IF. But this time it got infected and developed a big abscess. They couldn't just cut it out as it was too big, so they flushed it, and lasered it, inserted a drain, wrapped it, and now she has a cone of shame....something she has never had to deal with before.

She is in steady whine. I don't think it's pain...could be something they gave her or she could just be fusing about the cone. Have a call in to my vet now.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1097993
01/23/17 05:07 PM
01/23/17 05:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi gang. I have to get ready to go to work in a few. This morning I woke up to no heat. That's how my day started. Went downhill from there. Did you guys ever have a day like that? I came home from work to a very cold apartment. Luckily my maintenance guy followed me in. It was a dead battery in the thermostat, so voila....he fixed it and it got warm really fast. So now I'm off to work again. It's raining and the wind is hollering out there. Should be an interesting ride.

L4L prayers that Seagy's leg is on the mend.

See ya.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: Midge] #1097997
01/23/17 05:20 PM
01/23/17 05:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098005
01/23/17 05:34 PM
01/23/17 05:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh my gosh, Midgy, that is terrible. I'm glad you got it fixed. Wish you could stay in!

Thanks for the prayers. She is my little sweetie. puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098009
01/23/17 06:24 PM
01/23/17 06:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
So sorry, L4L. Some dogs whine for hours after anesthesia. Some people do too, I've seen it. I hope thats what it is, but it is so difficult to hear. Hope that she heals quick and learned a lesson. Merlin started nervous licking a growth he's had for years on his foot and after a gazillion failed attempts, we finally found loosely wrapping an ace bandage around it kept it safe from licking and can be washed and taken off and on easy for going outside. By loosely, I mean not to constrict anything but tight enough to stay on.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098010
01/23/17 06:29 PM
01/23/17 06:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Ana, over the years we've wrapped her foot with everything possible. Our best success was with a long sleeved shirt we had her wear. She did well with it for several months and then one night decided "Nope!" Woke up to find shredded shirt everywhere. Will probably get her another shirt though after this heals. We do keep it wrapped almost all the time. This is the first time it has gotten infected, thank you God. Will have to be more vigilant...maybe put extra wraps on at night so she can't do this again.

It is hard to hear. The vet called me back and we upped her pain meds. Wish she came complete with computer print out to say, what was going on.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1098023
01/23/17 08:21 PM
01/23/17 08:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
luck looney puppy


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098027
01/23/17 08:30 PM
01/23/17 08:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thanks, Space, she seems to have calmed down a little bit. Hubby is home so I think I will go take a bath and go "ahhhhhh" for a moment.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098030
01/23/17 08:53 PM
01/23/17 08:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
aaah, l4 - it's hard to hear for sure. hope she settles soon.

guess i set a record for topic with no response yesterday.

i was hoping for some fresh ideas to try. oh well.

midgie , sure hope your day gets better !

waiting for the water to be restored , they are working on the lines,

guess it will be a movie tonight and then early bed.

have a good evening all !

Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: niteowl07] #1098041
01/23/17 10:06 PM
01/23/17 10:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098043
01/23/17 10:46 PM
01/23/17 10:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams SpaceQ.

Niteowl, I think it was a great post! Honestly, I was thinking of what to add to add to it yesterday and then I got distracted. My bad!

I'm back in the corner a bit.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1098046
01/23/17 11:33 PM
01/23/17 11:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I'm calling it a night. The winds are hollering out there. Fifty mile an hour winds. It shakes it to your bones. Interesting ride home from work. Rain and winds really blowing. I was glad to come home. They're calling for high winds and rain through the night. I hope everyone in this weather corridor are safe. See you in the morning.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
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