Time ripens all things; no man is born wise.
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES
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Redneck Medical Terms
Rednecks seem to have a slightly different view of medical term definitions than the rest of us, lets have a look at a few...Artery = The study of painting
Bacteria = The back door of the cafeteria
Barium = What doctors do when the patients die
Caesarean Section = A neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan = Looking for Socks
Cauterize = Made eye contact with her
Dilate = Live long
Hangnail = Coathook
Impotent = Distingquished and well known
Labor Pain = Getting hurt at work
Morbid = A higher offer
Nitrates = Cheaper than day rates
Node = Was aware of
Papsmear = A paternity test
Pelvis = A cousin to Elvis
Postoperative = Mail carrier
Recovery Room = A place to do upholstery
Seizure = A Roman emperor
Terminal Illness = Getting sick at the airport
Tumor = An additional pair
Urine = Opposite of you're out
Varicose = Nearby
Vein =Conceited
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Reasons To Be SingleCooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.
I could leave the toilet seat in any position I [blip] well please.
I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".
I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.
I could show my girlfriend where I live.
I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.
The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.
I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now.
I wouldn't catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear!
I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.
I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.
You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week!
Going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.
Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.
I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films.
I could home drunk to sleep, instead of under a bridge.
I could use my own name at hotels.
I wouldn't have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.
When asked his opinion, a single guy can say "Hell yes, you're fat!".
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Rejected Cereals
Cereal companies have been working hard to come up with new exciting breakfast cereals we can all shove down our pie holes in the morning, here are some of their less successful concepts that got rejected...
Toxic Waste Puffs
Beerios
Kevorkian Krispies
Honeymoon Nuts
Chernobyl Charms
Eboli-O's
Cap'n Crack
Kellogg's Ganja Puffs
Lucky Tabs O' Acid
Colostomy Crunch
Phil Graham Crackers
Fruit & Fabio
Look Again -- Them Ain't Raisins
Post-Modern Toasties and Rococo Puffs
Limbaugh Logs
Kellogg's "None of Your damm Business"
Special AK47
UnaBran
CaCa Puffs
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Good morning everyboomie!
I didn't have a bowel movement today. Is that a bad thing??
Well...Super Bowl Sunday has finally arrived.
I was looking at the TV schedule, and they're are 8 1/2 hours of football programs and pre-game shows leading up to the 3 1/2 hour game, which doesn't start till 5:30.
I expect a good game though.
This IS Sunday right?
Actually it's Saturday night, and I have a calendar on my computer.
Come on joe. Get it together.
Have a super day everyone.
joe