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Super Monday #1099581
02/05/17 09:19 PM
02/05/17 09:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.

VIRGINIA WOOLF

``````````````

New Support Fees

New computer helpdesk support fees:

Calling me with a question - $10

Calling me with a stupid question - $30

Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate - $50

Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description - $1000 + punitive damages

Questions received via phone without first trying help desk - $50

Questions where answer is in TFM - $100.00

Calling me back with the same problem after I fix it once - $100

Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow - $200

Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem - $25/step

Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem - $50/mile + gas

If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem - $170/hr

If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now - $250/hr

If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it - $60/hr

If you've come to ask me why something isn't working while I'm currently working on it- $270/hr

If you're asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday - $175/hr

If you're asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix - $85/hr

If you're asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn't work - $95/hr

If you're bugging me while there's another admin in the room who could have done it for you - $150/hr

Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone - $1500.00

Calling up with a problem which "everybody" in the office is having and which is "stopping all work." Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. - $1700.00

Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it's your personal machine at home - $500.00

Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do - $150.00

Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do - $300.00

Not telling all of your co-workers about it - $850.00

Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive - $50.00

BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive - $250.00

Fixing your "broken" mouse with a mouse pad - $25.00

Fixing your "broken" optical mouse by rotating the mouse pad 90 degrees - $35.00

Fixing a "broken" mouse by cleaning the rollers - $50.00

Fixing your "broken" printer with an ink/toner cartridge - $35.00

Fixing your "broken" ANYTHING with the power button - $250.00

Fixing the "crashed" system by turning the external disk back on - $200.00

Fixing the "hung" system by plugging the Ethernet transceiver back in - $375.00

Fixing the crashed name server by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentally yanked out on Friday afternoon when the 'real' sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation - $400

Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in - $50

Explaining that you can't log in to some server because you don't have an account there - $10

Explaining that you don't have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server - $500

Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger - $25

Changing memory partitions without informing me first - $50

Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first - $100 per program

Technical support for the above programs - $150 per hour (regardless of whether I know the program or not)

Spilling coke on keyboard - $25 plus cost of keyboard

Spilling coke on monitor - $50 plus cost of monitor

Spilling coke on CPU - $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system

Leaving files on desktop - $5 per file, $10 per day the file is left unclaimed

Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve - $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy

Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine - $200

Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus - $25

Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets - $50

Spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say... "So that's what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me to do!" - $40

Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing yes, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, "Oops. Never mind." - $35 (including discount for polite apology)

Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software - $25

Dealing with "How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died." requests - $45

Having to use the "We're really not the best people to talk to about that; why don't you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?" line - $55

Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response - $95 (includes instructions for getting freeware replacements from the public file server)

Having to point out anything that's on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points - $15

If I wrote the sign - $45

If it's in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door - $75

Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem - $25.00

Reporting it more than once - $50.00

Reporting it more than once and implying slothfulness on tech support's inability to solve problem - $200.00

Beeper Prices:

Beeping me when I'm out with the significant other - $150

Beeping me when I'm out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left - $200

Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer's offline and the fix is to press the On Line button - $200

Beeping me more than once while I'm asleep - $50 per beep

Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds - $55

Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem - $50

Special Rates:

Dealing with user body odour - $175.00/hour

Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site - $150.00/hour

Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help - $300.00/hour

Dealing with computer hobbyists - $500.00/hour

Questioning the other prices - $50

`````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I'm gaga over Gaga. yay


Not really..... razz


I hope you're all planning on a great Monday. joy


Right now I'm trying to watch a play-off football game, while a very insistent little dog is driving me crazy. puppy


One of these days I'm going to have to show her just who the Alpha Male is this pac. WOOF! taz


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


Enjoy the rest of the game. bravo


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 02/05/17 09:21 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099598
02/05/17 11:04 PM
02/05/17 11:04 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Thanks Joe!

wavegirl to everyone.

Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099599
02/05/17 11:05 PM
02/05/17 11:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
I love Lady Gaga, Joe. I think she is a very talented singer. I'm loving the game and the fact the Falcons are winning! I'm on the edge of my seat!

James left a little while ago. I just love having him but it's nice to have quiet again. hearts

Happy Monday all! Have a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099623
02/06/17 06:07 AM
02/06/17 06:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and all. What an exciting game! I thought the Patriots were going to lose but they came back in overtime to win! rah Amazing game! Coffee and tea are ready! Enjoy your day! joy


Gerry
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099634
02/06/17 08:48 AM
02/06/17 08:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Going to a new karaoke place with friends tonight. reindeer Ada and I will be checking out a new thrift store today. joy Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, Biscuits and Gravy, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. wavegirl


Connie
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099644
02/06/17 09:44 AM
02/06/17 09:44 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers rah

Joe, enjoy the day.

Ana, have a great day.

Gerry, coffee for a toast to Tom Brady.

Connie, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! Fantastic game last night. Best Super Bowl ever! Lots of celebration here. woot


Gail
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099665
02/06/17 11:50 AM
02/06/17 11:50 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Woke up to a foggy day. Have to go out later today to run some errands. Had a spurt of energy when I first got up. Used it up doing a bit of cleaning...all gone now lol wave

Last edited by looney4labs; 02/06/17 12:29 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099693
02/06/17 03:20 PM
02/06/17 03:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
howdy , everyone ! wave

warmish here ,but overcast and breezy (that means wind under 30 mph

here , lol )but night time temps in the low forties -crazy weather.

not much planned except the usual laundry and cleaning .

probably a movie later.

have a great day !

catrub wave2

Re: Super Monday [Re: niteowl07] #1099706
02/06/17 04:22 PM
02/06/17 04:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099714
02/06/17 05:25 PM
02/06/17 05:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Niteowl, which movie?

Welcome home, Space wavegirl

Back from errands. Totally worn out by the ick! Gonna sit and sip for a sec.


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099719
02/06/17 06:01 PM
02/06/17 06:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good afternoon/evening time over there enjoy the remainder off your day:)



Last edited by Taintedfury; 02/06/17 06:03 PM.
Re: Super Monday [Re: Taintedfury] #1099725
02/06/17 07:16 PM
02/06/17 07:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks looney. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099726
02/06/17 07:44 PM
02/06/17 07:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
You too, Taintedfury. How has your day been?

Space, wave

edit: Time for bed. Sweet dreams all sleep

Last edited by looney4labs; 02/06/17 10:04 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Super Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1099745
02/06/17 10:39 PM
02/06/17 10:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Super Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1099778
02/07/17 05:36 AM
02/07/17 05:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good looney, been busy - Baked 2 lot's of carrot cake, house & pet choirs then finishing it off with Hells Kitchen and computer games. penguin

Bedtime now, good night everybody cya.wave2


Last edited by Taintedfury; 02/07/17 08:34 AM.
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