Having children is like living in a frat house–nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.
RAY ROMANO
``````````````````
Unit Conversion
Here is the official unit conversion chart for engineers...1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight one evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
``````````````````
University Jokes
These University jokes are poking fun at the "other" universities in your area. We welcome University jokes from universities students around the world...Canada
Q. Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. Why is it so windy in Kingston?
A. Because Queen's blows.
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q. What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q. How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!
Q. What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
A. Boss.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Q. Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q. How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.
Q. Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
A. Immigration.
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.
Remember... friends don't let friends go to U of T... If you can walk and talk, you can go to Brock. If you can use a fork, you can go to York. If you are a conceited, arrogant [blip], you can go to Ryerson.
United States / Australia / Europe
Q. What does Indiana University need to win a basketball championship?
A. A coach
Q. What to they call students who go to Yale?
A. Rejects from Harvard!
Q. Why does Texas A &M have Astroturf at their football stadium
A. To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from the university of Oklahoma have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.
I have nothing against the University of Kentucky's Basketball team. They have the best team money can buy.
An accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Colorado, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska, and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
`````````````````
Using The ATM
The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through banking machine. Here is his and hers ATM usage explained...
HIS1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
``````````````````````
Welcome to the weekend!
Good morning everyboomie. I hope you're all ready for a great day.
I had a super Friday. I left at 8:00 and got back at 3:30.
In between I walked around, and dug around in the sunshine, and thank God the sun came out. When I left it was 46 degrees, But it was windy and COLD!
I spent most of the day digging in 3 great big pits, so the wind didn't affect me then.
So almost 8 hours out there, and I found 2 points. One whole point, and one broken.
I found 4 blades. One big nice one, and 3 smaller ones. All broken.
I really expected to find more, but they did not get as much rain out there, and they had not harvested any more sod from the area that has all the artifacts under it.
There will be plenty more times to go out there this Spring.
I'm really tired now.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe