Having children is like living in a frat house–nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.

RAY ROMANO

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Unit Conversion

Here is the official unit conversion chart for engineers...

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight one evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

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University Jokes

These University jokes are poking fun at the "other" universities in your area. We welcome University jokes from universities students around the world...

Canada

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. Why is it so windy in Kingston?
A. Because Queen's blows.

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Laurier campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a York girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How can you tell if a McMaster student is a heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What does a U of T student call a Waterloo student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't colored-in yet.

Q. Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
A. Immigration.

A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
$10 worth of damage was reported.

Remember... friends don't let friends go to U of T... If you can walk and talk, you can go to Brock. If you can use a fork, you can go to York. If you are a conceited, arrogant [blip], you can go to Ryerson.

United States / Australia / Europe

Q. What does Indiana University need to win a basketball championship?
A. A coach

Q. What to they call students who go to Yale?
A. Rejects from Harvard!

Q. Why does Texas A &M have Astroturf at their football stadium
A. To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from the university of Oklahoma have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

I have nothing against the University of Kentucky's Basketball team. They have the best team money can buy.

An accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Colorado, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska, and they taught us not to pee on our hands."

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Using The ATM

The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through banking machine. Here is his and hers ATM usage explained...

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Insert card

3. Enter PIN number and account

4. Take cash, card and receipt



HER

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Check makeup in rearview mirror

3. Shut off engine

4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine

6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card

8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it

9. Enter PIN number

10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.

11. Hit "cancel"

12. Re-enter correct PIN number

13. Check balance

14. Look for envelope

15. Look in purse for pen

16. Make out deposit slip

17. Endorse checks

18. Make deposit

19. Study instructions

20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car

22. Check makeup

23. Look for keys

24. Start car

25. Check makeup

26. Start pulling away

27. STOP

28. Back up to machine

29. Get out of car

30. Take card and receipt

31. Get back in car

32. Put card in wallet

33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup

37. Put car in gear, reverse

38. Put car in drive

39. Drive away from machine

40. Travel 3 miles

41. Release parking brake

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Welcome to the weekend!


Good morning everyboomie. I hope you're all ready for a great day.


I had a super Friday. I left at 8:00 and got back at 3:30.


In between I walked around, and dug around in the sunshine, and thank God the sun came out. When I left it was 46 degrees, But it was windy and COLD!


I spent most of the day digging in 3 great big pits, so the wind didn't affect me then.


So almost 8 hours out there, and I found 2 points. One whole point, and one broken.


I found 4 blades. One big nice one, and 3 smaller ones. All broken.


I really expected to find more, but they did not get as much rain out there, and they had not harvested any more sod from the area that has all the artifacts under it.


There will be plenty more times to go out there this Spring.


I'm really tired now.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Thanks for the laughs Joe.

Congrats Joe! You did really good!

SpaceQ, welcome to the weekend!

Have a happy Saturday everyone!

Ana

Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. Spring has sprung here. We got up to 73 degrees yesterday and sat out in the sun on the deck next to what was left of the snow!
Happy Day wished for you all!

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. Going to dinner tonight at the Eagles with friends. Danish, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC.

Bacon sandwiches sound awesome Connie.

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day today.

Ana, enjoy whatever.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Space, happy weekend.

Connie, enjoy dinner tonight with your friends.

Going out to lunch with my cousins this afternoon.

Wishing everyone a super good Saturday!

Have fun Gail.

Good morning everybuddy.

It is a glorious day here. Cold but abundantly sunny. We're going to reach about 54 degrees, A big drop from 2 days ago when we were 85 degrees.

It's still only 32 degrees this morning, and that's fine with me. Today is totally exercise day for me, since I didn't do anything yesterday.

I already went around and asked my neighbors, and none of them are willing to run for me. Some neighbors.

So....I already did my 7 minute thing, and I plan on running at least 2 miles, maybe 3.

After all that, I'm putting on my tights and cape, and go out and fight some crime.

What do you all have planned for this morning?

joe

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to go give my James a hug for an hour.

Joe in TIGHTS? This would go viral on YouTube. Ha.

My plans for today is try to find rechargeable batteries for my outdoor solar yard lights. All are pretty dead and I'm hoping that Wally Mart has restocked the voltage I need. Seems they are always out of them. Might have to drive across town to another store to find them. My lights are very snippy about which batteries they want.

Good story, but kinda makes me angry and sad. My good friend up the street, who was one of my detectives when we were trying to get rid of the Squatter House, called me to say her Mom passed away. It was expected, she's been very ill for a long time, but still sad. Nice lady, lived here all her life in the same house and daughter (my friend) lives right next door.

So that's the sad part, but the ANGRY: As we were chatting I mentioned a car that parks on MY street which is around the corner from their houses. I thought it was a caretaker from Hospice that came at night and stayed till morning. Imagine my surprise when my friend said: OH, that's Fred's Girlfriend (not his real name). I said, Oh your son's? She answered very calmly, NO my husband's girlfriend! Arrraaaaghhhhhh !

So the story is: Hubby, who isn't the nicest guy, hasn't worked since LAST June. Neighbor and I thought we saw an awful lot of him home lately. AND he got this girlfriend who comes to stay overnight frequently, for the past 2 or 3 months. Saw her a lot. Parks car, gets out, takes out 2 paper shopping bags and goes right up the driveway of the Mom's house We really thought she was a worker or the son's gal.

So the worst part? My gal friend says that she saw the girl a month ago, in her Mom's driveway and then looking into the Mom's windows. She confronted her, asked what she was doing there, etc. The girl bluntly told her she was looking for Fred. AND THEN said she was HIS girlfriend. THEN to top it off, she bluntly said, OH you must be THE WIFE. "the wife". Geez! If it had been me she told that to in those terms, she would be picking herself and her shopping bags up and running as fast as she could.

She was just as cool as ice so my friend says and it seems that she has been 'visiting' the hubby for a while and staying with him, overnight in a converted garage behind the Mom's house all this time. I'm livid. How dare she/he/they?

Anyway, I'm now trying to console my friend, help her with funeral stuff and all the paperwork she needs to handle. Probably will have to sell Mom's house to 'survive'. Hubby and she own jointly their house so that will be a major mess too. I'm just aghast that this hubby DARE to bring his 'date' into the property right under the nose of my friend and thinks it's OK. AND the 2 sons (one in college and one in high school) obviously had some knowledge of something. She's not sure how much they surmised, but it's all out in the open now.

Sad about the Mom, angry about the stupid hubby, but I'm glad she confided in me and she can have someone to talk to about things that she can't with her family and other close friends. What a mess!

Super Saturday ya'll

Just back from walking dogs. It's a beautiful day out there, but a tad too windy for me. Wind aggravates my allergies something fierce!

Now waiting for all to cool off. Then I'll feed, so a little cleaning, a little book cooking, and a lot of collapsing.

Hubby is finally on the way home...should get here tomorrow. MIL is at rehab and of course, there is no way to know if that will be a week or 6 months.

Joe, glad you had a good day and found at least one whole point for all your hard work Enjoy your running!

Space, you have plans for the day? Hubby got snow in Omaha. Did you all get any?

Ana, enjoy the James hour.

Gerry, enjoy your Sun.

Connie, sounds like a fun night.

Gail, what's up for you today?

Sorta, so sorry for your friend. Some people <aaaaaaargh>

Off to work before I realize how tired the walk made me.

No snow for us looney but it went from 77 degrees to 35 degrees.

Eeek, we cooled down to low 70's, which is much nicer than 82.

And we have snow flurries now.

Well if you're gonna have cold, you might as well have snow (which I'm sure is a very southern view point.)

When was the last time you had snow down there looney?

Hmmmm, several years ago, but it's been quite a number of years since we've have a good snow (1" or more). The last couple of winters have been really hot.

I can remember several years when the kids were little though that we'd go to NE at Christmas and get no snow only to have a January snow here when we got back. Snow isn't fun here though....most areas around here don't have any snow equipment and sometimes power goes out. I do love my fireplace, but would prefer it not be the only source of power in the house