All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

WALT DISNEY

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Women's Questions

Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask...

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in an issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:



1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:



2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?



3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.



4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.



5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."

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Women Superiority

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxi's stop for us.

Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.

If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.

It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

We never have to wonder if his [blip] was real.

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Good morning everyboomie.


Welcome to the weekend!


Can someone explain something to me? I'm wondering how it is that a TV series has a 'mid-season finale'??


What's the gimmick about a finale mid way through the season? THE SEASON ISN'T OVER!!!


Moving on


Speaking of stalking, (in the last joke), I read that today in US Superior Court, Big Foot filed an injunction for a restraining order against Big Foot hunters everywhere, stating "I just want people to respect the privacy of me and my family, and leave us the hell alone." Mr Foot also added, "This harassment has got to stop!"


In other news, I got up this morning planning to do a 3 mile run at some point during the day, but as I started moving around my room, I felt a hitch in my giddy-up. Uh Oh!


I was kind of bummed out. I don't know if I pinched something, or pulled something, but I think I've been taking toddler steps, instead of baby steps in my exercise routines


I hope that it's all better tomorrow. Either way I can still do other exercises, that don't aggravate that particular area of me body........matey.


So we had a spectacular day, and I didn't get anything done really. I went to Walmart, and took the dogs to the park, and I also went and bought a new couch and chair.


I have been using a couch and chair that Mom had, and what Mom had was used when she bought it, and I've had it with them. I only went in the furniture store to see what they had in swivel chairs, because this one is completely worn out. Well it happened that they have everything half off right now, so I jumped at the opportunity to replace the old couch as well.


They're delivering in the morning.


I hope you all have a super Saturday.


joe

Joe, how exciting to get new furniture! I hope they are super comfortable!
Sorry, you have a injured area. I feel your pain. I hate being sidelined from my exercise routine because one part of me doesn't feel like playing nice.

Have a great day everyone! I am doing a Sherlock escape room tonight with hubby and friends. I can't wait!

Ana

Have a great Saturday everyone.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Space and everyone.
Joe walking is better then running on the old body! Sounds a little like you aggravated the sciatic nerve? Ana have fun! Coffee and tea are ready.
Happy Saturday everyone!

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC.

We are starting out cold this morning.

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your pain has subsided this morning.

Space, have a good day!

Ana, easy day wishes today.

Gerry, coffee needed this morning. Thanks.

Connie, have a great day.

Really cold here this morning. Wishing everyone a super good day!

Super Saturday Ya'll

WooHoo, Joe, new stuff!

Ana, have fun! I bet you lead the pack out.

You too, Space

Gerry, I'm parking at the coffee pot today. Thanks.

Connie, you too. Snagging some biscuit bottoms to go with my coffee.

Gail, stay warm.

We have boys and chores and then Soot and I will head out for a date once son gets home tonight.

Nice Joe! Nothing like NEW furniture to make your day. I need a new couch. Mine is only 22 years old. Springs and all great, but the leather is in horrible shape. Bubba kitty, who was just a tiny tot way back in 1995 decided to sharpen his claws on the side and arm just after it was delivered and we went out to lunch. Never was the same after that from day one, but very comfy and awesome Chesterfield, button tufted, bench seat I love. I slept on it for months when I hurt my back. Can't find another in the whole of San Diego County. Seems our stores only carry soft, plushy stuff. They can 'order' one but they are incredibly expensive. I only buy the best in couches and mattresses. I should move to the UK where most of the Chesterfield type come from. AND every TV series I see from anywhere has tons of those button tufted leather couches and chairs in them! I end up screaming at the TV when I see them. Nothing that I can SEE touch feel here near me and I have to TOUCH and sit on one to make sure it's what I want. I figure if I got one now, it would outlive me. I should hope so, since the cost will be about what a down payment would be on a new fancy car.

Off to get pills and then home to UNCLOG my lawnmower. I am slowly tackling the waist high grass and weeds in my yard. Something wrapped around the front axle and the front wheels are jammed. Won't move even with pushing or hands. I can see some long 'reed' type grass there. I'll unclog it when I get my PAIN pills and try to get the front yard done before tomorrow's rain. After that, it will be another week to dry everything out. It's all about timing.

Sorta

Son just called and said he will be at work much longer than anticipated, so date night will most likely happen tomorrow instead. Good thing we are at an age to be flexible.

edit: Whew, boys and I have been cleaning. Time for some sitting and surfing!

Good afternoon boomers. Very cold outside today with the wind chill
Have a super Saturday everyone.

We have been in the 20's and 30's all day long.

Hi ya, Manx

Space, that is much cooler than we are. We are in the 60's I do have my housecoat on cos when I'm sitting I'm too cool and when I'm working, I get hot. Thank heavens housecoats are easy to put on/take off.

60's sounds great looney.

Yes it does. We are at 20 right now.

Imagine this: I'm mowing my yard. Not an easy task for me. My mower has front wheel drive and it suddenly stops working. In fact, the front wheels won't MOVE no matter how hard you push even when it's not on the drive setting. So I look underneath and the axle is wrapped about 2 inches thick with tall, reed-like grass. I spend 15 minutes clearing that so it's working again. Gotta remember no drive on front wheels when hitting that type of grass. So what do I do? Yeah, I hit the grass again with the drive on. AGAIN I spend 15 minutes clearing the wrapping.

THEN I go to start the mower and it won't start. Nope, nothing. Put gas in, checked the oil, it just won't catch. It's a very easy start. Usually one pull and it's purring. So I try and try and try. Finally I wake up my neighbor/tenant/friend and he comes up and fiddles with the mower. Took out the spark plug and it was fine. Looked and played and nothing seemed wrong. So the whole time I'm looking at a flat 'cover' on the side and wondering what it is. Not anything I know. Finally I get him to take the cover off and imagine both our surprises when we see a FILTER. Never knew it had a filter and it's over 5 years old. Geez.

Filter is CLOGGED with dark brown fine dirt. Really clogged. Can't even see the filter structure. He tries to start the mower without the filter and it springs to life. Hooray. So I tap out all the dirt on the filter and we put it back. Mower working FINE. Has more power than ever. Doesn't even stall or almost stall on the TALL grass and weeds. I'm thrilled.

I was all ready to go to Sears and buy a new mower rather than to fix this one, and now it's working. Wheeeee! I managed to finish the front and side yards (except for a few really high stiff weeds). I'm pooped. But rain due tomorrow and I accomplished what I wanted.

Next time something fails, I'm looking for a filter. Yep.

Glad that worked out for you Sorta.

Good night Boomers.