In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.
THEODORE ROOSEVELT
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Writing TechniquesAvoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliche's like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliche's.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
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You know you're a mom when...You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
You child throws up, and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
You hate the thought of his wife even more.
You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
You can't bear to give away baby clothes -- it's so final.
You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
You read that the average five year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...
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You might be an engineer if...You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.
All your sentences begin with "what if".
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
Dilbert is your hero.
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.
People groan at the party when you pick out the music.
The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
You are always late to meetings.
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say so out loud.
You are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it.
You are still drinking Mr. Pibb.
You are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay.
You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
You bought your wife's valentine gift at orchard supply.
You can name at least six Star Trek episodes.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
You can understand anything Al Gore says.
You can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket.
You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
You carry a list for everything except the groceries.
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel You disdain people who use low baud rates.
You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan.
You drive a gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker.
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project You ever forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months.
You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It seems like it's only been 24 hours since I said that, but it's been a whole day.
I hope you're ready for Hump Day. If not, you might try taking the elevator.
Tuesday was very good to me. It was cool in the morning, but warmed up quickly, and the skies were not cloudy all day.
I left at 8:00, and got to the sod farm by 8:30. We had showers last night, so things were all rinsed off.
I managed to find 3 pretty nice points. As my head hunting days go, that was a good one.
I also found a half point, and other broken pieces. I just can't understand why they made half points.
Was it to kill half a mockingbird?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and all. Congrats on your find at the sod farm. Have a good day Space. Ana enjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a Happy Hump Day! 
