There is only one boss: the customer. And he can fire everybody in the company, from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.
SAM WALTON
You might fire someone at Walmart. You have to find them first.
Good luck with that.
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These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received. Some of these were in an article in the Detroit News back in the 1970s.“Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33.”
“Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat.”
“Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels.”
“Please excuse Joyce from jim today.”
“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”
“Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”
“John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.”
“Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.”
“Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot.”
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
“Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault.”
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Funny Letters to Government Agencies1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October
2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.
6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can’t do a thing until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.
11. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t had any relief since.
13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.
15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn’t done me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send for another doctor.
(In response to the question, “Why have you applied for public assistance?”) My husband left me last month and I am in need of (ass).
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Actual Medical Record Entries Mistakes From DoctorsDischarge status: alive but without permission.
The patient has been depressed ever since
she began seeing me in 1983.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells
at another hospital.
Between you and me, we ought to be able
to get this lady pregnant.
She is numb from her toes down.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband,
I thought you would like to work her up.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
Both breasts are equal and reactive
to light and accommodation.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump day again? I hope your ears don't pop from the pressure change.
I had a fantastic day at the sod farm. I found hundreds of earth worms trying to hide from the gophers, thousands of fire ants without uncles, and a whole lot of heartache and disappointment.
I'm thinking I need to wait for a real good rain before I go back out there.
I'm doubting if I'll do that, but I need to just the same.
I have really nasty cramps in my hands now. That's not bad, you should see the shovel.
I didn't drink any water all day because I didn't get thirsty.
I'd drink it all now, except I'd be going all night, and that would cramp my sleeping.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. We have lots of snow out there this morning and lots to shovel! Coffee and tea are ready. Have a great day! 
looney 
