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Tuesday #1104709
03/20/17 09:15 PM
03/20/17 09:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.

BETHANY AUSTIN

``````````````````````


These excuses were on accident claim forms of a major insurance company. Clients were asked for a brief statement describing their particular car accident, and this is what they wrote.


1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

2. I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

3. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

4. The guy was all over the place. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

5. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

6. The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

7. I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

8. I was on my way to the doctor’s with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

9. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

10. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

11. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

12. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

13. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.

14. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

15. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

16. I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

17. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

18. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

````````````````

Funny Sports Bloopers: Dumb quotes by athletes and sports celebrities


“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side." – soccer star David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile" player.

Sorry, I don’t know much about you. I don’t follow tennis."
Christina Aguilera to Tiger Woods, after he told her he loved her music.

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

“Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

Well, I see in the game in Minnesota that Terry Felton has relieved himself on the mound in the second inning. — Fred White, Kansas City Royals sportscaster, reading a wire-service summary that mistakenly showed the same starter and relief pitcher for the Minnesota Twins.

“One good bit of news for England is that Ian Bothams groin is back to full strength.” — BBC Radio Announcer Eleanor Oldroyd.

“I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?”
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.”
-Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

“I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?’”
-Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner

“Raise the urinals.”
-Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.”
-Reggie Jackson

“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”
-Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch.

“I’m a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.”
-Baseball player Mike Greenwell

“It’s permanent, for now.”
-Cincinnati Red Roberto Kelly, announcing his new name would be “Bobby.”

“There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’”
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar

“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.”
-Joaquin Andujar

``````````````

Bushisms: Funniest Mistakes, Blunders, Bloopers and quotes by George W. Bush


“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

“That’s why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental—supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel.” –George W. Bush, Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004

“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

“There’s an old…saying in Tennessee…I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once…(3 second pause)… Shame on…(4 second pause)…Shame on you….(6 second pause)…Fool me…Can’t get fooled again.” –George W. Bush to Nashville, Tennessee audience, Sept. 17, 2002, MSNBC-TV –Politex, Sept. 17, 2002, 10 PM

“There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.” –George W. Bush, South Bend, Indiana, Sept. 5, 2002.


“As you know, these are open forums, you’re able to come and listen to what I have to say.” –George W. Bush, 10.28.03.

“The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the — the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.” –Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003 “” –George W. Bush, 10.27.03.

“I know something about being a government. And you’ve got a good one.” –George W. Bush, campaigning for Gov. Mike Huckabee, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 4, 2002

“We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make–it would hope–put a free press’s mind at ease that you’re not being denied information you shouldn’t see.” –G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005

“I want to thank you for the importance that you’ve shown for education and literacy.” –G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 13, 2005

“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

“We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

“We both use Colgate toothpaste.” —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001

“Tribal sovereignty means that; it’s sovereign. I mean, you’re a — you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities.”
—Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

“I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what’s moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves.” —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

“I’m the commander — see, I don’t need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.” —as quoted in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War

“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

“The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.” —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

“I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It’s pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future.” —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

“We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.” —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

“After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!” —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004

“Do you have blacks, too?” —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Is it Friday yet? happydance


The only reason I ask is that we have a good 90% + chance of thunderstorms, and over an inch of rain then. hamster


It would be awesome to see some hard rain and flash flooding. It's getting hotter by the day. Tuesday is supposed to be 85 degrees. rolleyes


Anybody want some of that heat? cool


Today I went to Lowe's and rented a carpet shampooer. That's another item I can cross off my to-do list. yay


Maybe next week I can shampoo the carpet, and mark that off too. snicker


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/20/17 09:17 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104713
03/20/17 09:28 PM
03/20/17 09:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Tuesday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104726
03/20/17 10:27 PM
03/20/17 10:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
85 degrees?? SEnd some here please and thank you, Joe! I want to feel warm air! I hope you get some rain and wash up some points for you!

SpaceQ, have a great day too!

Have a great day everyone! Hubby's truck got fixed last night so I have mine back for today! I have a couple errands and then heading to an orchid show at the Chicago Botanic Gardens.

Have an awesome day everyone!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104755
03/21/17 05:02 AM
03/21/17 05:02 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
spring Good morning Joe, Ana, Space and all. It's going to get up into the 50s today. Coffee and tea are ready.
Enjoy your Tuesday! spring


Gerry
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104771
03/21/17 06:57 AM
03/21/17 06:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Ana, enjoy the Orchid show. I love Orchids, we have over 100. Right now about 30 are in bloom. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104781
03/21/17 08:24 AM
03/21/17 08:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers spring

Joe, you're so funny. Your carpet shampooer cracked me up.

Ana, glad your got your truck back. Enjoy the garden.

Space, have a great day!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, enjoy the Panda tonight.

Wishing everyone a super good day! wavegirl


Gail
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104804
03/21/17 11:39 AM
03/21/17 11:39 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Today is Errand Day. Going to feed the dogs and then head out to get some things done.

Joe, it's hotter by the minute here too. Over 80 yesterday, but you can keep the flash floods.

You too, Space.

Ana, have fun at the show.

Gerry, glad it's warming up for you all.

Connie, how much time does it take you to care for all those orchids?

Gail, have fun today whatever you do.

wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104820
03/21/17 01:54 PM
03/21/17 01:54 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Not to much time L4L, as I have a Greenhouse with automatic sprinklers. I fertilize about every other month and re pot when the bark breaks down. The orchids were my husbands passion. spring


Connie
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104826
03/21/17 02:56 PM
03/21/17 02:56 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Hey Joe, I'd rent a shampooer but I don't have carpets. Makes it easier not to do anything. My to do list is getting longer and I have crossed of a lot of things.

Did the porch painting, chopped tree limbs, painted out my house numbers on small yard waste cans and am waiting for the trash company to deliver a HUGE second can to make my life easier.

Then it's put the rest of the tree stuff in the new can (oh and paint my house numbers on it), then get my tenant to help me replace 2 ground wires between me and the rentals (easy job, but the electricity to both rentals has to be turned off for an hour or?), then repair/replace shingles on the back rental, and somewhere in all that, do my TAXES. Ugh.

Oh and my Insurance agent called to tell me to IGNORE the cancelation notice on my homeowners. Yikes! She said it's all renewed after I got the porch painted and fence fixed. Nice she called since I would have gone ballistic if she hadn't warned me. Guess her copy arrived and mine is shortly after. My company sure wants to find reasons to drop customers. Gotta love it.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104838
03/21/17 05:59 PM
03/21/17 05:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Connie, sounds like an amazing hobby. Sadly, plants cower and die when they see me coming.

Sorta, I'm glad you have insurance.

We almost made it to 90 today......eeeeeek!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: looney4labs] #1104846
03/21/17 06:57 PM
03/21/17 06:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good evening Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104849
03/21/17 07:02 PM
03/21/17 07:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Good evening there, Space wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: looney4labs] #1104863
03/21/17 08:36 PM
03/21/17 08:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi looney. Did you have a good day?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104866
03/21/17 08:55 PM
03/21/17 08:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
I did Space. It did not turn out the way I had planned, but once I adjusted my attitude, it was all fine. lol


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: looney4labs] #1104875
03/21/17 09:33 PM
03/21/17 09:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good for you looney. smile


Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104882
03/21/17 10:01 PM
03/21/17 10:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Echo echo...

Sweet dreams ya'll sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104892
03/21/17 11:09 PM
03/21/17 11:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams!


Don't feed the Trolls
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