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Magnificent Monday #1104587
03/19/17 09:14 PM
03/19/17 09:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I always take life with a grain of salt. . . plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

ANONYMOUS

````````````````

Funny Newspaper Classified Ads


2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

`````````````````

Funny sayings:Stupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.


The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

I have the body of a god… Buddhah

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy

If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Born free… taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

If, a two letter word for futility

I don’t care, I don’t have to.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

All men are idiots … I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.

Give pizza chants.

```````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Are you all ready for another Monday? taz


What a small world, neither am I. razz


I went to the gym yesterday and I snapped a pic of this cutie doing her planks. bravo


Nice form don't you think? wavegirl


I believe she's doing here side planks there.


I've really got my dogs spoiled now. I took them to the park out here early, and we walked all the way around it, and it was so nice outside that we loaded up and went to the park in town (Durant), and walked around it too. lab


The pups were so thankful that they wanted me to take them walking again just as soon as we got home, and all afternoon. slapforehead


I'm going to reward them today by not letting them leave the house. woot


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104589
03/19/17 09:23 PM
03/19/17 09:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Nice pose on the seal Joe. lol


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104591
03/19/17 09:42 PM
03/19/17 09:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! Cute chicks at your gym! laugh
I recall the days when my pups would go out every chance they could! I miss that.

SpaceQ, have a happy day!

Have a wonderful start to your week everyone! I'm stuck at home like I was on Friday. Hubby's truck is still broke so he's taking mine to work.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104612
03/20/17 04:25 AM
03/20/17 04:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,108
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and everyone. Errands to run toady. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a Happy Monday! spring


Gerry
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104630
03/20/17 08:21 AM
03/20/17 08:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,019
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Ana, I hope hubby's truck gets fixed quickly. I think some yard work may be in the picture for today. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104632
03/20/17 09:00 AM
03/20/17 09:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, glad you enjoy your dogs so much. Nice seal pic.

Ana, hope you get your truck back soon.

Space, have a wonderful day.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, wished I could be outside doing yard work. Mine is covered in snow.

Wishing everyone a great day! kitty


Gail
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104656
03/20/17 12:32 PM
03/20/17 12:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Overcast, cool, not a nice sunny day here. Phooey.

Mom feral cat is due to pop her litter of kittens any day. I am at wit's end trying to figure out how to handle another batch. Have to find a way to catch a wiley feral. She's just too smart for any traps and stays out of reach. I'd even be afraid to grab her for fear of massive bites and scratches. She's just really a wild one.

So far my best plan is wait till the kittens are weaned and then give them to the local pet store who is always asking for kittens to sell. Might be a plan.

The 'older' kittens are now just over 6 months and doing well. Each one is very different in personality and despite them trying to 'kill' me by zig-zagging in front of my feet as I walk, they are happy and playful and enjoy being petting (to a degree) Soon I expect they will start hunting mice (real ones). They have mastered the fake ones, which I find all over the place on the deck, on the food table, IN the food dish, on the front porch, hidden in the tall grass, etc. Loads of fun collecting them each morning so I will have something to throw and watch them go nuts.

And the biggest one, Spot with the long fur, has decided he's going to climb my huge pepper tree and try to catch a dove. No luck so far, but he's got plans. Dunno if he would know what to do with a huge bird if he caught one. Time will tell. blackkitty


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104665
03/20/17 02:28 PM
03/20/17 02:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I woke up just in time to get Keoki to the vet for a regular appointment. Home to eat, and now taking the dogs walking. The plan is to get home from that and take the boys to the park. Busy day wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: looney4labs] #1104681
03/20/17 05:56 PM
03/20/17 05:56 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good evening Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104697
03/20/17 07:51 PM
03/20/17 07:51 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good evening Boomers,

Just letting Boomers know that I'm taking a break from here as I've got my husband is not well (inflamed bursa) in the right hip.

He's in a lot of pain right now and just got back from hospital after receiving an injection there.

Take care Ana and all Boomers.. wavegirl

Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104699
03/20/17 08:28 PM
03/20/17 08:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,267
In the Naughty Corner
I'm sorry to hear that, Taintedfury! All the best to your husband and you. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: Taintedfury] #1104712
03/20/17 09:28 PM
03/20/17 09:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Prayers heading up for both of you Taintedfury. hearts


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104719
03/20/17 09:51 PM
03/20/17 09:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Tainted, so sorry to hear that. Hope he improves quickly. Come back when you can.

It's off to bed with me. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Magnificent Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1104786
03/21/17 10:05 AM
03/21/17 10:05 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Thank you Ana, Space and Looney i'll cross my fingers will do..Goodnight

thanks

Last edited by Taintedfury; 03/21/17 10:06 AM.
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