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Surf and Turf Saturday #1105212
03/24/17 09:26 PM
03/24/17 09:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

TALLULAH BANKHEAD

``````````````````

Funny Courtroom Mistakes


Here are some funny courtroom mistakes based on actual transcripts


Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

What is your name?
Ernestine McDowell.
And what is your marital status?
Fair.

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

I show you exhibit 3 and ask you
if you recognize that picture.
That’s me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?

So you were gone until you returned?

She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

Were you alone or by yourself.

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.

Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started
about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time,
is that correct?
No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Are you married?
No, I’m divorced.
And what did your husband do
before you divorced him?
A lot of things I didn’t know about.

And who is this person you are speaking of?
My ex-widow said it.

Were you present in court this morning
when you were sworn in?

How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
Well, a gal down the road had had several
of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said
he was really good.

Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
I will be three months November 8th.
Apparently then, the date of conception
was August 8th?
Yes.
What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you
are emotionally unstable?
I used to be.
How many times have you comitted suicide?
Four times.

Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?

Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.

What happened then?
He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Did he kill you?
No.

Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed
on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed
on dead people.

Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog’s ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.

When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

And lastly, Gary, all your responses must
be oral O.K.?
What school do you go to?
Oral.
How old are you?
Oral.

What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
She is my daughter.
Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

…and what did he do then?
He came home, and next morning he was dead.
So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
He didn’t offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
I didn’t see my scalp the whole time
I was in the hospital.
It was covered?
Yes, bandaged.
Then, later on.. what did you see?
I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

Could you see him from where you were standing?
I could see his head.
And where was his head?
Just above his shoulders.

What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she’d kill that sonofabitch – and she did!

Do you drink when you’re on duty?
I don’t drink when I’m on duty,
unless I come on duty drunk.

…any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted
murder trial?
The victim lived.

Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.

The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn’t it. You too were shot in the fracas?
No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.

And was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Are you sexually active?
No, I just lie there.

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Welcome to the weekend! yay


The rains came yesterday, and I'll give you 2 guesses where I'm going today. penguin


The first guess doesn't count. razz


The band of rain that came through here hit us first, because it was moving from the South to the North East, and the sod farm is East of here, and it caught a lot more of the rain than we did. dance


I didn't do much yesterday besides take the dogs to the park, and exercise.................and watch the radar. grin


I hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday. thumbsup


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 03/24/17 09:32 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105222
03/24/17 10:59 PM
03/24/17 10:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
How are the ticks by you, Joe? I had so many on me yesterday and got bit by one. I hate them!
Happy hunting!

Have a wonderful day everyone!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105236
03/25/17 05:25 AM
03/25/17 05:25 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Good Luck head hunting Joe! luck Ana I can't believe you have ticks out already! scared We still have several inches of snow on the ground! Coffee and tea are ready.
Enjoy your day everyone! spring


Gerry
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105241
03/25/17 08:54 AM
03/25/17 08:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at 8-8 Panda. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Biscuits and Gravy in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105246
03/25/17 09:17 AM
03/25/17 09:17 AM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Connie - Can I have grits? Thanks.

Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: connie] #1105248
03/25/17 09:36 AM
03/25/17 09:36 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
That sounds like a good night Connie. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105275
03/25/17 01:30 PM
03/25/17 01:30 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Grits for MaG. smile


Connie
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105277
03/25/17 01:37 PM
03/25/17 01:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

We got up and watched the movie, Assassin's Creed. Son had rented it several days ago and it was going away today....so movie first thing before he had to leave for work.

Now it's time to do chores wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105280
03/25/17 01:48 PM
03/25/17 01:48 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Thanks Connie!

Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: MaG] #1105291
03/25/17 04:06 PM
03/25/17 04:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
looney,

Was the movie any good?


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105293
03/25/17 04:09 PM
03/25/17 04:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Space, it was Ok. Not one I'd have wanted to pay movie theater prices for, but for a home rental, it was fine. Lots of fighting of course, and not one I'd rewatch, but for 2 hours with the kids, it was fine. Especially if you have played and enjoyed the games. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105303
03/25/17 06:48 PM
03/25/17 06:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hi ya Joe Ana Gerry Connie SQF MaG and L4L laugh

Ticks are for the woods Ana...don't like em either!

We had a little bit of rain...and might get more so I better get the dogs walked!!

Oh I love grits too Connie!

Saturday chore day

Thanks for the snacks ladies!

wave2

oops looks like rain is serious now so no walk sad

Last edited by soot; 03/25/17 06:53 PM.

Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105305
03/25/17 07:02 PM
03/25/17 07:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
It's an omen! I finally added up all my income tax receipts getting ready to do the Turbo Tax on my computer and just before I signed in....we had a massive power failure for about 3 minutes. Wow. Now I'm waiting to see if all is OK since I don't want to have my 'info' interrupted and have to do it all over if the power goes out again.

Probably was an accident somewhere that hit a power pole with a transformer or just some wires down and they rerouted automatically. We will never know. Heard a few sirens around the area.

Always something happening around here.

MOM cat is ready to pop. A week overdue by my calculations, but she's suddenly decided that her other litter (3 of them now 6 months old) are OK to be near her again. She has been shooing them away for a few weeks, and hissing if they try to get cozy with her. Now she's calling to them and leading them around like little ones. Awwwww. Mommy hormones kicking in. Kittens are happy to have some mommy time, but they also look confused. The 2 boys are fine, but the girl is really hugging tight. This is very interesting to watch. Better yet, my yard is completely fenced and I planned the gaps in the fence slats to be just big enough for a cat's head. Now Mom is so big that her tummy gets stuck. What a sight. She takes about 3 tries before she squeezes everything through. Feel bad for her, but soon, little kittens somewhere and I will see how many and when they are big enough grab them and give them to the cat shelter. Can't have anymore around here. I think 5 is enough for the ferals and then 3 or so possumm and a few raccoons and that's all I can handle. They eat a LOT.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1105311
03/25/17 08:51 PM
03/25/17 08:51 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105314
03/25/17 09:14 PM
03/25/17 09:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
G'night SQF ... sleep good ... I'm not far behind you ... early rise tomorrow for work


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Surf and Turf Saturday [Re: gymcandy1] #1105316
03/25/17 09:25 PM
03/25/17 09:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
I'll be going as soon as son gets home. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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