The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

– H. L. Mencken

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These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students tutored in Conversational English.

DATING

That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I’m not very skinny!
Well, that’s what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is “Nude?”
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.

We were lovers,
but now she is my biggest enema!

We have hated each other for so long.
I want to borrow the hatchet.

My relationship with my
ax girlfriend was so painful.

FOOD AND COOKING

Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!

I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.

Do you like your coffee cremated?

Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I’m not so hungry
right now.

—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.
—Add two cups of ground flowers.
—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.
—Then add small feces of fish.
—Don’t forget to insult the soup.
—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.
—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.

HEALTH

Last night, when I ate dinner I started joking.
My friend hit my back very hard
until I stopped.
I was so lucky he was there!

A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose.

I had a little ass dent this morning but I’m okay now.

My leg has been breaking for three weeks.

It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.

I have a very kinky neck.

I probably should have gone to the doctor
one ear ago.

I want my face to have
the buttocks treatment.
The what?
The buttocks treatment. It makes your
wrinkles go away. It’s very famous
in Hollywood.
Oh. It’s pronounced “bo tox”.
That’s it. The buttocks treatment.
Maybe you need it too a little.

PARENTS

I always ate lunch at school.
But every day my mother made me suffer.

My bed has three blankets
and a large guilt my parents gave me.

My father met us at the airport
and gave me a big hog.
Then he hogged my wife.

Renting and Dorm and Apartment Living

Me and my brother share
a small womb in the basement.

We live on the sex floor.
Our apartment is small but we have a nice view.

WEDDINGS

I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

The groom was wearing
A very nice croissant.

He lifted the veal off her face
and gave her a big kiss.

WEATHER

This morning, I was walking outside,
when suddenly a big shower fell on me!

Yesterday I had strong wind here.

Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful
about that. Once a car starts lusting,
there’s no way to stop it.

The entire country has been
devastated by a long trout.

When a volcan explodes, millions
of tons of larva can bury a city

TUTORING

I am so eager to mate you!

Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

You look sad today. Do you want to expose yourself to me?

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!

TRAVELING

Once I tripped all the way to Hawaii.

How far should I tip the driver?

I heard California is full of nude peaches.

In some countries, you should only drink the water
a tourist already drank. Maybe it will taste bad,
but it will not have poison.

You can’t sleep with me because it is
too crowded. But you can probably
sleep with my sister. That’s what most
of my friends do when they visit.

OTHER

The cheerleaders threw up high into the air!

The police were attacked by a large group
of angry mops.

The article said there are only maybe five thousand beers left in B.C. This is a very serious problem… I think maybe we should only let very small people go beer hunting every year.

Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.

If you don’t believe in God your spit can go to hell.

``````````````````

Good morning everyboomie.


I'm glad Sunday is a day of rest. The rain didn't wash up any arrowheads and I feel like I had to dig up a mountain just to find 3 broken points.


It was a real nice day, nothing but sunshine all day. I feel frazzled now though.


Lips are chapped too, so no kissing Baby, or Missy tonight.


Ana I haven't encountered any ticks at the sod farm. Not even on Baby, but the creek will be full of them now.


I bathe in tick repellent when I go down there. Nasty little buggers.


I guess today was the last cool day until November. It looks like all the rest are upper 70s, and upper-er.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Upper 70's sounds delightful! We went from 81 yesterday to 39 and much rain today.
I hate putting any repellent on so I try and be very observant to get them off quickly.

Have a happy day all!

Ana

That is quite a range Ana. I hope Sunday is nicer for you.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Space and all. Better luck hunting next time Joe. Ana and Space enjoy your Sunday. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a great day!

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, Grits, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC.

Good morning Connie, Gerry, Ana, Joe and all my fellow Boomers. One cinnamon roll down and I'm ready for my Sunday.

good morning , everyone !

hoping you all have a glorius day !

Hello to all. Have a happy day everyone!

Thanks Connie for my eggs, ham and grits.

Super Sunday ya'll

Son at work, hubby at work. I think I'll cook books today and maybe get the dogs walked if it stops raining....

It is raining here too looney.

Overcast today. They say it might rain.

YESTERDAY...Mom cat had her kittens. She took advantage of the freshly washed soft kitty bed (in a leopard pattern) that she loved and had her last batch in. I had just put it back in the infamous kitty tent, which nobody cared about. I moved it to the deck floor, behind a bench. 'Someone' kept dragging the blankies out of it and across the deck.

So after putting the bed in there and removing the blankies, Mom decided to nest and produced 4 black kittens (the first male mated with her was black). Strangely enough, just before she had them, I had fed all of the brood and one of her 'older' kittens got behind my feet and MOM growled at me! She had gone into mommy mode and was protecting her grown little ones from ME. Mom got right up to my feet! Unheard of. She never comes anywhere near me.

When I did the evening feeding, Mom was missing, but two of the 3 kittens came OUT of the tent where she was having her litter. They had been in there with her, asleep and comfy. How strange since she had been shunning them for months. Now it's all happy happy for everyone.

Hope the little black kitties survive and I can find homes for them. I think I saw just one with tiny white on it's feet. How weird they are all black when she mated with at least 4 different colored males. Hoping for the best. For now, I'm leaving them alone so Mom can do her best. She was here front and center for breakfast, like nothing was new.

Space, the rain has moved on here. How bout you?

Sorta, you're a g'ma again. Wish you could catch mom to get her spayed. Too bad there is not a form of birth control that could go in the food.

Same here looney.

Kitty birth control! I'm going to do some research!!!! Maybe it does exist?

Are we all having fun yet? Another rainy day here today and hubby and I are in slug mode. Sometimes it's good to just chill.

There is nothing wrong with some quality couch time.

I don't think I've sat on the couch since my shoulder surgery. My desk is in the living room so that's where I slug. I listen to the TV while hubby watches.

We just had huge storms move through.

Good night Boomers.

Okay, off to bed. Sweet dreams all