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TGIF #1105809
03/30/17 09:55 PM
03/30/17 09:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
To be ignorant of one’s ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.

AMOS BRONSON ALCOTT


I may be slow, but I know when I think I've been insulted. headscratch

`````````````````

Dora had always been scared of technology and was never good with gadgets. She had a talent for mixing up instructions. Within a week of her marriage, her hubby bought her a brand new state-of-the-art automatic coffee maker.

The salesman explained in details how that thing worked. Plugging it in - setting the timer. He explained to her that she can go back to bed and when she wakes up, the coffee is ready for her.

A couple of days later, Dora went to visit the store. When the salesman asked her how was the coffee maker working, Dora replied, "Oh, it's great! But there's one thing that I always wanted to ask you. Why do I have to go to sleep every time I want to make some coffee for my husband and me?”

````````````````

When I took my son Neel to a restaurant to have pizza, I could see how impatient he was getting waiting for the pizza to arrive.

When the waiter finally served the pizza, Neel quickly took the bigger piece for himself.

I thought I needed to talk to him, and said, "Neel, you gotta learn to be polite."

"Huh", said Neel, "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I am talking about", I said.

"Ok" said Neel. "If you had to pick up first, which one would you take?"

I replied, "The smaller one, of course."

Neel shot back, "You want the smaller one, you get the smaller one. So where is the problem?"

````````````````

Anita is invited to her friend's place for dinner. Judy, the hostess, serves her a delicious dinner. Later, when Anita is ready to leave, it starts raining heavily. Judy invites her to stay over for the night and go home when the weather clears th next day. Anita agrees.

Anita settles down to watch TV while Judy goes up into the bedroom to help her kid go to sleep.

When Judy comes down, she finds Anita missing. While she was wondering where Anita had gone, the doorbell rings. Its Anita at the door. Judy asks her blonde friend where she had been. Anita replies, "I went home to get my nightgown."

````````````````

Stan, a trekking enthusiast, was on one of his trek trips when he realized he was lost. There was fog all around and visibility was poor. He kept wandering for 4 days and almost losing his mind, when the fog
receded, and he noticed a man in the distance. Hopes regained, he ran to the man and cried, "Help!"

The man asked him, "What happened?"

Stan replied, "I am lost! I have been wandering for the past 4 days without food and water."

The man asked him, "Is there a reward for you?"

Stan thought and replied, "I don't think so? Why?"

"Well, if that be the case, you are still lost!" replied the man, and disappeared into the fog.

``````````````````````

My friend Sara was teaching her 3 year old son about various professions.

She asked little Roy, "What does a tailor do?"

Roy replied, "A tailor makes clothes."

Sara then asked him, "What does the milkman do?"

Roy replied, "He delivers milk."

She then asked, "Okay, what does your Dad do?"

Roy, knowing that his father was in the Air Force, replied, "He flashes his card wherever he goes."

```````````````

I was seated on a park bench, when an old lady who came and sat next to me, smiled and said, "You are very pretty."

I must have had a disbelieving expression on my face, because she was quick to assure me that she had given a sincere compliment.

I tried to explain to her by saying, "It's just that I hardly ever get to hear pleasant comments about my looks."

The old lady smiled and said, "Just because you are plump does not mean you aren't pretty."

````````````````

When Peter went to see his doctor, he had a radish stuck in his left ear, a carrot in his right ear, and a lady finger stuck in each of the nostrils.

The doctor, visibly shocked asked him, "What is this?"

Pater replied, "Doctor, I am not feeling too well, can you tell me what's the problem with me?"

The doctor sighed and replied, "To begin with, you are not eating properly."

`````````````````

The topic of the Sunday sermon was "FYF", short for Forgive Your Foes. Preacher James Asher, after having spoken on the subject for nearly an hour, asked the congregation, "So how many of you present here are prepared to forgive your foes?"

Some people raised their hands. Not happy with the poor response, Preacher James preached some more and then repeated the question to the gathering. This time, many more people raised their hands.

Still not satisfied, Preacher James prolonged his sermon a little more and repeated the question once again. Almost everyone raised their hands this time, except for a grumpy little old man.

Preacher James asked the little man, "Mr. Walker, are you still not ready to forgive your foes?"

Mr. Walker replied, "I ain't got any."

Preacher James said, "That's strange. How old are you?"

Mr. Walker replied, "I am eighty-eight."

Preacher James said, "Mr. Walker, please come here on the podium and tell the gathering how one can get to the age of eighty-eight without having any foes."

Mr. Walker walked up to where Preacher James was standing, and said to the crowd, "Didn't have to do anything. I just outlived 'em."

``````````````````````

My friend Danny once got into the back of a cab.

The cab driver asked, "Where do you want to go?"

Danny replied, "I want to go to the Metro station, but I want to sit here for a couple of minutes first."

"Okay", said the cab driver with a shrug.

When the rain stopped after 10 minutes, Danny just got of the cab and said to the cabby, "Thanks for that, buddy!"

``````````````

My friend Jason had taken his 5 year old daughter, Susie to the garden. Jason was sitting on a park bench watching Susie play with a ball. Suddenly, she stopped playing, and looked at something intently. Then she came running to Jason and said, "Come Daddy, I want to show you something."

She lead him to a tree near which a sparrow lay dead. Suzie asked him, "What happened to the sparrow?"

Jason replied, "The sparrow died and went to Heaven."

Susie said, "Oh! So why did God throw it back to Earth?"

```````````````

Pastor John Warren closed his eyes for 2 minutes and bowed his head, before he left for the church to deliver his sermon.

His little son, Jeremy, who always observed him do so many times, asked him one day, "Why do you do that Dad?"

Pastor John was happy to see that his son noticed his gestures and said, "Before I leave for church, I ask God to help me preach a good sermon."

Jeremy said innocently, "So why doesn't He do it?"

```````````````````

Farmer Nick was upset because the kids in his village would often steal pumpkins from his farm. The kids would often be seen eating the pumpkin in the village square

but there was no way to prove that the pumpkins they were relishing were from farmer Nick's farm.

One day, a smart idea stuck him and he placed a sign on the scarecrow which read, "Be warned, there is one pumpkin here which is laced with poison!"

The street urchins showed up at night to steal more pumpkins but stopped short when they read the sign on the scarecrow. They ran away and came back with a sign written in bold which they placed on top of the scarecrow.

The next morning, farmer Nick inspected the fields and noticed all pumpkins were in place. Then he chanced upon the sign the urchins had placed. It read, "Now there are THREE!"

````````

Felix was not happy with his 12 year old daughter Tia, spending all her time on the landline phone. Because of her, nobody could use the house phone. So he bought her a mobile phone to keep her away from the house phone.

Next day, when he came back from work, he found Tia sprawled on the couch and gossiping on the house phone.

Angered, Felix shouted at her, "Why don't you use the mobile phone I bought you?"

"Oh I can't daddy," Tia replied, "I'm expecting an important call on my cellphone."

```````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Don't look now, but the weekend is just about here. happydance


If you look, you may scare it away. scared


I went to the sod farm today, and as soon as I closed my truck door and turned around, I looked at the bottom of a giant pile of sand and saw a little arrowhead smiling at me. yay


I found a nice blade, and 5 points, so it was an okay day. wink


It would have been a better day to go to the creek, because it was cool and breezy, but I'm afraid the creek was still too muddy. Maybe Sunday. I may be working Saturday. yes


We may have more rain though Saturday night and Sunday. hamster


Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105821
03/30/17 11:37 PM
03/30/17 11:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a happy day all! So much rain here! Plenty to share!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105840
03/31/17 06:31 AM
03/31/17 06:31 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
hamster Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. It's a rainy sleeting day here too. Coffee and tea are ready. Have a Happy Friday everyone! hamster


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105848
03/31/17 07:22 AM
03/31/17 07:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great TGIF. No karaoke tonight, they are remodeling the VFW. Danish, BB Pancakes, Eggs, Grits, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105851
03/31/17 07:50 AM
03/31/17 07:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, Glad your day was good yesterday. Have a great one today!

Ana, happy day wishes.

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Connie, enjoy the day.

Weather not so great here either. Wishing everyone a wonderful Friday! hamster


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105889
03/31/17 10:20 AM
03/31/17 10:20 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Dryer guy should be here any minute...waiting waiting! At some point today I hope to get the doggies and I out for a walk, and the boys will be here later. Ya'll have a great day wherever yours takes you. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1105921
03/31/17 03:53 PM
03/31/17 03:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
It is raining here looney. smirk

Welecome to the weekend Boomers. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1105928
03/31/17 04:13 PM
03/31/17 04:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wow, it's been a frenetic day.....dogs barking, phone ringing, non-stop it seems. Boys just got here and want to go to the park. Not sure if that is going to happen.

edit: Not raining here, but it sure is humid enough to. Welcome home, Space wavegirl

Last edited by looney4labs; 03/31/17 04:15 PM.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1105933
03/31/17 04:37 PM
03/31/17 04:37 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks looney. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1105964
03/31/17 11:03 PM
03/31/17 11:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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