If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

KATHARINE HEPBURN

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David saw his colleague Alfred walk into the office in a brand new suit. David exclaimed, "Not bad, dude! Where did you get the suit?"

Alfred smiled and replied, "Well, my wife got them for me. Pretty cool, isn't it?"

David replied, "Sure it is. Was it your anniversary?"

Alfred said, "No. beats me. The other day, I arrived home early from work, and there I found them on a chair near the bed."

`````````````````

After a heated argument with his wife Lisa, John said to himself enough is enough. He packed his bags and was walking out of the house, when Lisa screamed from behind, "Hope you have a slow and agonizing death, you swine!"

John shot back, "So now you don't want me to go.."

``````````````````````````

I saw my friend Pablo in the market and greeted him. I was surprised to see that he was carrying a baby pig in his arms.

I asked him, "Hey, what are you doing with this pig?"

Pablo replied, "Well, I found him in the park. Think he is lost. Anyway, I am going to adopt him. Since we have no kids of our own, this little fellow is going to live with us like family. He will have his meals with us, and sleep in our bed."

I asked him, "Will the smell not be bothersome?"

Pablo replied, "Ah, the little fellow will have to get used to it, just like I did."

``````````````

Andrea was mad at her husband Phil and she screamed, "I saw you at Erning Street when I was buying stuff for the house."

She continued, "I saw you with a gorgeous blonde and you both went into the Parkside hotel. I want you to explain and I want you to be honest!"

Phil said to her, "All right, please make up your mind, which one do you want?"

```````````````

Mrs. Morton took her 8 kids to the park to play. An old man could not contain his curiosity and asked her, "Why are they all wearing similar clothes of the same color?"

Mrs. Morton smiled and replied, "There was a time when we had just 3 kids and I would make them wear similar clothes so that they don't get lost."

"But now", she said, "I make them wear similar clothes so that I don't take home any kid that does not belong to us!'

`````````````

Jim, the salesman was in a rush to reach the Tendon Railway station. He asked the farm-owner, "Sir, can you please let me pass through your field instead of going around it? I need to catch the 3:35 train and I am in a great hurry!"

The farm owner replied, "Feel free to go. If my bulldog sees you, you might even catch the 3:15 train."

`````````````

Alvaro was the salesman at a used car selling outlet. He was worried to see a customer come back with the car he had sold only a day before. Alvaro had told the customer that the car was driven only by an old granny.

Alvaro asked the customer, “Is everything ok?”

The customer replied, “Yeah, just dropped by to return a couple of things that the ‘granny’ left under the seat – some packs of Marlboros and half a bottle of rum!”

`````````````

Tina, whose popularity among the boys was unparalleled, paid a visit to Dr. Paes.

Doctor Paes told her she was pregnant. He then added, "I know you are dating several guys. Do you know who the father is?"

Tina was quick to retort, "If you gulped up a can of Bush's baked beans, would you figure out which bean is responsible for the gas?"

```````````

Father Reynold was having a conversation with a group of kids about how good behavior could help them go to Heaven. When he had finished, he asked them, "Where does everyone here want to go?"

Little Tina remarked, "Heaven!"

Father Reynold asked, "And what should you be to be able to get there?"

Little Harry replied, "Dead!"

``````````````

Dan entered the Metro and immediately attracted attention. His hair was spiked and was dyed pink and blue. His clothes were torn. He was wearing his jeans way below the waist. He had a nose ring and several earrings. There were big feathers attached to a bandana that he was sporting.

Dan took a seat across from an old fella who keeps staring at him for a long time.

Agitated, Dan said, "What are you staring at, you old geezer, did you never do anythin wild in your youth?"

The old guy shot back, "Of course I did. I was on a sales trip to Bangkok and I did it to a parrot once. I'm kinda wondering if you might be my son!"

```````````````````

Sid and John, totally drunk at the bar, were driving home. Sid yelled, "John! Watch out for the tree. Watch out Johhnnnn!"

Crash!!Boom! Bang!!!

They hit the tree and passed out.

They found themselves in adjacent hospital beds the next morning. Sid said to John, "You are such an idiot. I shouted there was a tree ahead. Why didn't you listen to me???"

John replied, "It was YOU driving!!"

```````````````````

Tom, Peter and Jack were completely sloshed at the bar. When they decided to head home, they all got into a cab. The driver seeing that they were not in their senses, just turned the engine on and then turned it off after some time without moving the cab.

He then announced that they had reached their destination. Tom pulled out some money and gave it to the cab driver. Peter just said thanks & got out of the car. Jack, before getting out, slapper the cab driver hard. The cab driver, not expecting to be caught, was taken aback. He asked, "What was that for?"

Jack said, "If I find you drive this rash ever again, I will report you to the police."

`````````````

Fred was at the doors of Heaven. Before allowing him entry, he was asked a number of questions.

One of the questions asked was if he had done any good deeds.

Fred replied, "Yes, of course. I had chanced upon a gang of ruffians who had accosted a young girl. I ordered them to leave her alone but they just laughed. So, I confronted the gang leader and asked him to get lost with his gang. When he would not listen, I gave him a punch right in his face, then another one into his ribs. I kicked him, pulled his hair and announced, "If you care for your life, leave NOW!"

St. Peter was amazed by the courage of the man and asked him, "When did this happen?"

Fred replied, "About a minute ago."

`````````````````

Old Mr. Jones living in the countryside, sent his grandson Nick to the riverside to fetch a bucket of water. When Nick dipped the bucket in the water, he saw what appeared to be a crocodile. Terrified, Nick dropped the bucket and ran back to the house. He said to his grandfather, "I cannot get water, Grandpa. There is a big croc in the river. It scared me to death."

Old Mr. Jones said to Nick, "You can ignore that croc, Nick. He's been around for many years now and I have never heard about the old fella hurting anyone. Maybe he is as terrified of you as you are of him."

Nick replied, "Well, if he is as terrified of me as I am of him, then I don't think the water is good to drink."

`````````````````

A small airplane encounters engine failure and begins to nose-dive. The pilot manages to land the aircraft safely on the ocean. He announces that it is an emergency and that all passengers should remain seated. He further declares that the airplane was designed to stay afloat for an hour provided that the doors are not opened. This would give rescue teams enough time to reach out to help them.

A soon as the announcement is over, one of the passengers, Mr. Gupta, runs to open the door. While the passengers look in horror, the pilot yells at Mr. Gupta, "Please do not do that! Didn't you hear what I announced? This airplane won't sink for a while if the door remains closed!"

Mr. Gupta answered, "Ya ya. This plane is also designed to fly, and we all saw how well that worked out!"

`````````````````

Danny, the big wrestler entered a bar and ordered his beer. He sipped from his mug, then loudly announced, "All you people of the left side of the bar are idiots!"

There was silence in the bar. Danny asked again ,"Does anyone have a problem with that?"

He had a few more sips. Then announced again "All you people of the right side of the bar are cowards!"

There was silence in the bar.

He looked around and said, "Does anyone have a problem with that?"

A man got up and walked towards him. Danny looked him in the eye and said, "You got a problem, dude?"

The man replied, "No problem. I'm just going to the right side of the bar."

`````````````````

Good morning everyboomie.


It's typical Spring weather down here now. Swinging from 75 degrees to 81 degrees, and then back down to 66 degrees.


It's been a nice week so far............Monday.


I went out to the sod farm Monday. I had debated back and forth for a couple of hours about going after I got up. After all we did get quite a bit of rain Sunday, and I was afraid it would be too muddy.


The problem is, I'm like a race horse chomping at the bit to get out there asap after a rain, and it was nice and sunny this morning, so I went.


To my dismay, I couldn't find anything that the rain had uncovered for over 4 hours. I did a bunch of digging and sifting, which was starting to kill my back, but I'm too stubborn to go home with nothing.


I was going to cross over to the other side of a big hole and try a different spot, and when I was down in the bottom of the big hole, I noticed a sharp edge of something sticking out of a mound of dirt, and when I pulled it out I realized it was a spear point, and the biggest point I have ever found.


I KNEW I would eventually find more big pieces out there.


If I don't find anything else this week I'm a happy man.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Joe, I am so happy for you! It's beautiful! If you want more rain, I can send it. I've had more than enough!

Have a great day all!

Ana

Ana we still need a flash flood for the creek.


joe

Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Congrats on a great find Joe! Hope you have a sunny dasy Ana. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing you all a wonderful day!

Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. Joe, beautiful spear point. Diner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda tonight. Danish, BB Pancakes, Eggs, Grits, and French Toast in the NC.

Terrific Tuesday ya'll

It's a beautiful day in AL. Gonna be hot though. No surprise there.

Woohoo, Joe, congratulations on your point.

Ana, keep the rain please, we are still drying out

Gerry, thatnks for the coffee. Have a great day.

Connie, have fun tonight.

It's going to be a good day!

In the 'apartments' one door over where it has been a series of strange occupants and lots of police and ambulance traffic over the years, lives Janie. She is about 60 and has been mostly staggering drunk for the last 15 or so years that I have known her. Very nice gal, friendly, happy, keeps herself dressed to the 9's and always chats when we see each other out front.

Usually she is wobbling down to the liquor store. It's only at the end of the block. She then wobbles back as I and several neighbors watch to make sure she doesn't fall off the curb or run into things. Everyone likes her and we watch out for her. Janie has had her 'problems'. She always has a 'man' friend, or as she calls them alternately, my fiance, my son, my beau, my man friend, my caretaker. Doesn't last too long, but at least she can still attract them.

She has been to the hospital and rehab so many times I can't count. Last time it was so she says, 'a broken femur'. I'm not sure. She's walking just fine but it's always something. She is gone a few weeks and then back looking much better than she left.

So to the happy part. Janie has a habit of asking for 'favors'. Trips to the store (she has no car). We all have fallen for that one and eventually, unless you are really dense, you find yourself taking her, waiting for her while she shops, etc. She's so polite and nice it's hard to say no.

And she asks for money and never repays it. Not one dime. And she asks for food and makes you feel she's starving. In any case, nothing ever gets repaid although she promises and promises.

One neighbor loaned her 20 bucks and finally got tired of waiting for the repay and went over to Janie's room at the apartments. It's more like a rooming house with tiny rooms, some with no windows, no kitchen facilites, only one bathroom, etc. The guy who runs it finally got cited by the city a year or so back and had to 'evict' about 20 people. Too many people, too little space, not up to code etc. But they keep coming.

Anyway, Janie showed up at my door (she never does that) on Sunday. She wanted to know if I had some items left over from my yard sale last summer! Amazingly I did. They were those decorative bottles with pickled fruit and veggies. I had put 4 of them on my fridge because I didn't want to risk them breaking (fluid inside) in my shed.

So I brought them out and she was thrilled. They still has the huge price tag of ONE dollar each. It was my dollar sale that made me mega bucks, because I sold practically everything I had. Hard to resist a dollar each for everything. Some stuff I sold was really more like 10-20 worth but it wouldn't have sold and I made up in volume. Nice. I'll try that again.

Anyway, Janie loved the bottles, was going to put them up on a shelf in her room and said she could pay me sometime before FRIDAY. Uhhuh. I figured I was making a donation since she never follows through with the repay.

WELL she came over this morning while I was out back. I just barely heard the doorbell and by the time I got to the door she was almost home. Under my porch mat, just where I said to leave it, was a five dollar bill! Imagine my surprise! Janie actually paid me. Wow.

So now I'm thinking since she only owed me FOUR dollars, she will be back to ask for CHANGE.

sorta


had leaking in the bathroom yesterday , and a minor flood ,so still

doing clean-up from it today , and dealing with vertigo - when it

rains , as they say !

anyway , have a wonderful day everyone - see you later !

Good afternoon Boomers.

afternoon , space ! how as your day ?

Hi niteowl. It was a good day. it looked like rain all day but in the end we only received a little drizzle.

Follow up on Janie. She came back over and I asked if she needed 'change'. She said nope and inquired about our older neighbor next door if she was OK, etc. I said yup, she's fine and she offered to mow her lawn. When I told her that a couple guys were doing it and were already paid, she said ok and walked over to HER house.

I got a call later from my neighbor who was surprised that Janie just wanted to see if she was good and chatted a bit. Janie told her she hadn't had a drink in months and was feeling very good. She sure looked better than I had seen her before and she seemed very sober.

Let's hope this 'new' Janie will stay around for awhile. She has a good attitude and even asked if we knew of a nice church to attend. She tried a few but they weren't 'doing anything' for her. Lots of churches around here within walking distance. Hoping for the best.

Good night Boomers.

Night Space. Sweet dreams

We are supposed to have really bad storms tomorrow, starting in the wee hours. I know Lil Soot will get me up. They are calling for hail, tornadoes, etc. Will be praying the trees stay up and the water stays out.

Night all