True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubteth often, and changeth his mind; the fool is obstinate, and doubteth not; he knoweth all things but his own ignorance.
AKHENATON
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There was this group of old ladies who met at a club every weekend to play bridge.
Half way through the game, One lady Elsa exclaimed, "Oh no! I am late. I have to get back home & prepare dinner for my husband, Gilbert. If I do not reach home before he is back from work, all hell will break lose!
When Elsa reached home, she realized there was only a loaf of bread and two eggs in the kitchen. Since there was no time to go to the store to buy stuff, she searched the cupboard and found a can of cat-food. As she could not think of anything else, she made some sandwiches with the egg and the cat-food just as Gilbert entered the door.
She watched in disgust as Gilbert wolfed down the sandwich. Expecting to be reprimanded, she was surprised when Gilbert announced that this was the best sandwich she had ever made for him and that she should make it more often.
So Elsa made her husband the cat-food sandwich every time she went out with the old gals to play bridge. When she told her bridge mates about it, they were shocked! One of them said, "But he could die!"
After three months, Gilbert died.
When the old women met the next time for a game, one of them said to Elsa, "He died because of you. We had warned you against giving him cat-food but you did not listen. How could you be so calm enjoying the game knowing that he died because of you?!"
Elsa replied, "I am not responsible. He fell off a tree trying to catch a sparrow."
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Betty was at home with her dad when she suddenly noticed her boyfriend Rob at the gate.
Betty said to Rob, "Did you come to borrow the book titled DAD DOESN'T LIKE IT by Roger Brown"
Rob replied, "No, I wanted to borrow the book SHOULD I WAIT FOR U IN THE PARK by Ruchi Mukherjee?"
Betty said, "I do not have that book. I suggest you borrow the one titled AT THE COFFEE SHOP by Nazir Hussain."
Rob said, "Ok, please also get THE SOONER THE BETTER by Cindy Chan."
Betty replied, "No problem. I will also fetch WON'T LET U DOWN by Ojas Patel."
Betty's dad said, "Don't tell me he is going to read all those books."
Betty said, "He will dad. He's very smart."
Dad barked, "All right. Just remember to add the book titled DO U THINK I AM STUPID! by James Bond."
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Ben, a property agent, was showing a condo to a couple, Mr. & Mrs. Jones, who wanted to occupy the property on rent.
Ben asked, "Are you both employed?"
The couple nodded in unison.
Ben asked, "Children?"
Mrs Jones, replied, "Three. Ages six, eight & nine."
Ben asked, "Animals?"
Mrs. Jones replied, "No no. They are all decent and well behaved children."
No comments:
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Dennis, a salesman at a clothing store, was a big flirt. He had often been warned for flirting with customers but he was not one to give up so soon.
One day, a pretty young thing came to the store and selecting a dress material, asked him, "How much for this fabric material for a new gown?"
Dennis replied, "For you, it's a kiss a meter."
The girl, shocked by this rude reply, quickly recovered and said, "Ok, I will take 12 meters then."
Dennis, not believing his good luck, quickly measured and wrapped the fabric. Then holding the parcel out to her, he looked at her with naughty eyes.
The girl, snatching the parcel from him and pointing towards an old man, said, "Grandpa here will settle the bill."
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When there was loud thunder and lightening, little Joey was rudely woken out of his slumber and he ran to his parents' bedroom.
His father tried to comfort him by saying, "There's no need to be scared of thunder & lightening. It's just some sound & flash that God makes when he is displeased with someone telling a lie."
Little Joey asked,"But why is God making those sounds at this hour? It's past midnight and everyone is fast asleep."
His father said, "Yes that's right, my son. But this is the time when newspapers get printed!"
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Mehta travels, a travel agency based in India, advertised an attractive package to enhance sales. They offered a free ticket for the spouse on the purchase of one ticket to Europe. Undoubtedly, the scheme was a huge success with men buying the package trip and sales multiplied.
When the scheme ended, Mehta travels sent letters to the wives asking for feedback on the vacation.
Four out of five responded with, "What vacation?"
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Betty was a curious little girl. She asked her mother one day, "Mom, how was I born?"
Her mother, careful with her words, said, "God created you."
Betty asked, "What about you? Did he create you too?"
Her mother replied, "Yes he did, my child."
Betty, not satisfied yet, asked, "What about Dad, grandad, grandma?"
Her mother replied, "Yes sweety, all of them were created by God."
Betty said, "You must be kidding me Mom. Do you really mean no one has made love in the family in the last 100 years? no wonder we are a crazy family!"
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Nathan lived in the country and wanted to go to town to find some work.
So one fine day, he headed for town riding his mule. When he reached, Nathan went to an eatery to catch some grub, tying his mule outside. When he came out, he found his mule was missing! He searched for his beloved mule all day but it had just vanished. He stayed in the town for a couple of days looking for his missing friend, but could not find him.
Disappointed and demoralized, he decided to return to his village. He boarded a train to go back.
He was lying down on his berth, when he could hear a couple groping and fidgeting on the berth above him. They were kissing and feeling each other. The guy said to his girlfriend in a very romantic tone, "I can see the whole wide world in your beautiful eyes."
Nathan jumped and said, "If you can see the whole world, please help me find my mule!"
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Gerald and Tony were the village fools who were made fun of all the time.
They were riding together on their bicycles, when Gerald stopped abruptly, got off his bicycle and began to let air out of the tires.
Tony said to him, "What the hell are you doing?"
Gerald replied, "I wanted my seat to be low as I have to stretch too much while pedaling."
Tony could not stand such display of stupidity. He got off his bicycle, loosened his seat and turned it in the opposite direction.
Now, it was Gerald who was surprised. He asked, "And what are you doing?"
Tony replied, "Well, if you're going to keep doing such idiotic things, I am going back home."
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Ted and Diana met at a night club. After a couple of drinks, they decided to go to Diana's place. After a night full of passion, Diana was the first one to wake up.
She went to the kitchen, and called out, "Honey, would you like bed-tea?"
Ted replied, "No sugar, I will join you in the kitchen."
Diana said, "Darling, would you like corn flakes with milk for breakfast?"
Ted replied, "Sweety, I would prefer wheat flakes, thanks!"
Diana said, "Wait a minute...don't tell me you don't remember my name either!!"
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Jerry was driving his car in the countryside, when a very fat woman on a scooter zipped past him.
Jerry yelled, "Hey! Buffalo!"
The fat woman turned her head and yelled back, "You idiotic moron!"
The next thing she knew was that she was lying flat on on road and her scooter lay upside down. She realized she had an accident. It was a buffalo crossing the road that Jerry was warning her about!
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Nathan was up early on Sunday morning, dressed up, packed sandwiches for himself, took the dog by the leash, and tip-toed into the garage. He loaded the boat into his Chevrolet pick-up truck, fired it up and drove into the pouring rain. There was heavy snowfall with sharp gusts of wind. Nathan drove back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that there would be a storm.
So he quietly went back to the house, changed into his pajamas and slipped into the bed. He ran his hand all over his wife's back and whispered, "The weather's really bad!"
She replied in a sleepy voice, "Can you believe that dim-witted husband of mine is out fishing in these conditions!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
I was going fishing this morning but..........I don't fish.
Actually I'm running very late getting this out tonight. My sister called this afternoon, and invited me over to her and her beau's place for ribs.
It was an offer I could not refuse.
It was a perfect day too. It was warm, but we had storms in the area, and we had a cool breeze. It was like Indian Summer.
I took Baby and Missy, and they loved having another yard to explore. They are out next to the lake, and sis and I took a walk down to the boat ramp with the girls.
La, La La, La La, La La, another couple came, and a good time was had by all.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe thanks for the funnies. Ana enjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready. 
