Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.
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When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:
Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?"
A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"
Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?"
An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"
Jay Leno: What are magnets?"
A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"
Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?"
A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
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Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.
"There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"
Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire."
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So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more.
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Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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The Top 25 Alabama Country Songs of All Time.....
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21. I Bought A Car From A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We're Even
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Lets Honeymoon Tonight
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woken Up With a Few
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Double
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the number 1 Alabama Country song of all time is
1. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
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After being promised that she will make him experiment with different positions, Juan immediately proposed to Tina.
Now, Juan is her hubby, her maid, her laundry guy, her cook and her electrician!
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Albert prayed to God, "Oh Almighty! I have sinned. I want redemption. Please give me sorrow & pain, give me troubles, let me be haunted by spirits."
God boomed, "Cut it short, mate. Why don't you just say you want a wife!"
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A drunk man fell on the road. Looking at his condition, Oscar, the policeman on duty commented, "Why do you drink so much?"
The drunk man replied, "Sir, I was helpless."
Oscar glared at him and said, "Oh really? And how is that?"
The drunk dude replied, "I had lost the cap of the bottle!"
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Cristina was going through labour pain at the hospital. She was screaming in agony, and looking at her condition, her boyfriend Peter said, "Darling, I am so sorry that you have to go through this because of me."
Cristina replied, "Relax Peter, none of this is your fault."
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David was getting irritated standing outside the public phone booth. Losing his patience, he knocked on the door and said, "Hello there, you have been in there for more than 20 minutes and I have not seen you speak at all."
The guy inside the booth replied, "Dude I am speaking to the missus."
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Tina said to her husband Rex, "What will you do if I go missing some day?"
Rex replied instantly, "I will put an ad in the paper."
Tine said, "And what will the ad read?"
Rex replied, "Finders keepers."
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Fred was asked in an interview, "Spell out a word which has more than 15 letters in it."
Fred's reply was quick, "P-O-S-T-O-F-F-I-C-E-L-E-T-T-E-R-B-O-X"
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Rob says to Lisa, "Will you continue to love me just as much even after we get married?"
Lisa replies, "Even more darling! I just adore married men!"
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Dean was seated at the reception of a beauty parlour for nearly 4 hours, waiting for his wife who had promised him that she would take only an hour to finish her beauty treatment.
Frustration was creeping in, when Dean felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a stunning woman who said to him, "Let's go, honey."
Dean looked around frantically and said to her in a whisper, "Listen lady, my wife is in there and she might come here anytime. Maybe some other time."
The woman shouted at him, "I AM YOUR WIFE!!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Well I guess I'm happy that I have 'overs'. I didn't mow the lawn Thursday.
I don't think I remember doing much at all. Oh Yeah!! I went and got groceries at the Wall,and I took the dogs for a walk at the Park.
Much later I did some exercising, but there was a dark blurry period tucked in there somewhere that lasted a couple of short hours.
A little voice kept telling me it's nice outside, "go mow the lawn."
Thankfully the better angel of my nature said, don't worry about it. The lawn will be there tomorrow.
So, I'm gonna mow the lawn tomorrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
to one and all!
Joe! It's funny how the things you don't get to today are usually still waiting for you tomorrow! 
Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and everyone.Coffee and tea are ready. 
See you all in the morning. Hi MaG