Charles Dickens
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
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Jack, a tourist from London goes to a Scottish horse race event and witnesses a pastor blessing one of the horses. To Jack’s astonishment, the horse wins. Not just that, the next 3 horses whom the pastor blesses also win. Then he finds the priest blessing a fifth horse and puts a good deal of money on it.
Unfortunately, the horse suffers from a stroke during the race and dies. Jack meets the pastor later and tells him what a disaster his bet had turned out to be. He also questions why the pastor's blessings had not worked on the fifth horse.
The pastor questions him, ‘Are you a Protestant?’.
‘Yes, I am,’ replies Jack.
‘Well then,’ says the pastor. ‘You’ll not be knowing the difference between a blessing and the last rites.’
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Dan, a yuppy decides to go out for a walk in the country one morning. As he is strolling down the sunny country road, he comes across a farmer, tending to his two cows.
"Good morning, farmer," says the yuppy.
"Morning to you, sir," replies the farmer. And he pauses, and waits.
Dan thinks that probably just ending it there isn't enough. Struggling for some small talk, he says, "Those are some fine cows you have there."
"Oh, yes, the white cow is a lovely cow, she is," says the farmer.
"And the black cow?"
"Well," the farmer pauses, "yes, I suppose the black cow is good too."
"Yes, they certainly look fit and healthy," says Dan.
"Indeed, the white cow is the healthiest I've ever had! Never needed the vet, full of life!" responds the farmer.
"And the black cow?"
"Well,... yes, the black cow is pretty healthy too."
"So I suppose they give a lot of milk then?"
The farmer beams. "You should see the white cow, come milking time, she's full to bursting with the creamiest milk, she is. Oh yes indeed, the white cow gives a lot of milk she does."
"And the black cow?"
"Oh, well, yes... I suppose the black cow gives a lot of milk too."
Dan doesn't really know where to go with this. The farmer seems to really have something special for the white cow, even though the black cow seems just as good.
"You know, farmer, I don't mean to intrude, but it seems every time I ask you really favor the white cow...."
"Well, isn't it obvious?" asks the farmer, "The white cow is MY cow!"
"Ah, I see. And the black cow?"
"Well, yeah, the black cow is mine, too."
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Joe was visiting the country with his father. His father owned a farm house with some cows in it.
Joe asks his father, "Hey dad, can you tell me what are the types of milk available.
His father replied, "Hmmm...there is evaporated milk, malted milk, buttermilk, pasteurized milk, partly skimmed milk etc.....why do you wanna know?"
Joe replies, "It's just that I am drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many spigots to put on her."
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Two explorers are at their London club. One says to the other, ‘Did you hear about Old Chumley? On his last expedition to Africa he married a gorilla!’
‘Good God,’ says the other. ‘That’s a bit queer.’
‘Oh no,’ replies the first explorer. ‘It was a female gorilla.’
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My dog is so lazy he won’t even bark, he just waits for another dog to bark, then nods.
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Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
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A snail is crossing the road. As he’s about to get to the other side a turtle runs him over. The paramedics transport the unconscious snail to hospital. The doctors work to revive the snail and, when he awakens, the doctor asks him what happened.
The snail replies, ‘I don’t know, it all happened so fast!’
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A man hears a knock on his back door and goes to answer it. There’s no one there but the man notices a snail on his doorstep so he kicks it to the bottom of his garden.
Five years later there’s another knock on the door. The man answers it to find the snail on his doorstep again.
‘Hey!’ says the snail. ‘What the hell was that about?’
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An old lady is polishing a lamp when a genie suddenly appears and offers her three wishes.
‘I’d like to be young and beautiful again,’ says the old lady. ‘I’d like this cottage to be a fine mansion, and I’d like my cat, Whiskers, to be a handsome prince.’ The genie grants these wishes and the old lady, the cottage and Whiskers are all transformed. The beautiful young woman swoons into the handsome prince’s arms and he gently whispers in her ear, ‘Now I bet you wish you hadn’t taken me to the vet for that little operation.’
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A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:
Mouse: "What are you?"
Elephant: " I'm an elephant"
Mouse: "Aren't you big"
Elephant: " Yes. What are you?
Mouse: " I'm a mouse"
Elephant: " Aren't you small?"
Mouse: " I, I, I've not been well"
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There was mother unicorn and she had 3 baby unicorns. The first baby unicorn came and said "Mommy, why did you name me Daisy?"
The mother replied "Because the day you were born, a daisy fell right on your forehead."
She said "Ah that's sweet."
She kissed her on the cheek and left. The next baby unicorn comes in and she said "Mommy, why did you name Rose?"
The mother replied "Because the day you were born, a rose fell right on your forehead."
She said "Ah thats sweet." She kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
Then the third baby unicorn comes in and she was like "DERREDUBUDUBJEHDK" and the mom said "Hush now, and go to bed Brick!"
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Good morning Everybunny.
Happy Easter Sunday to all.
I hope you all have a wonderfully nice warm sunny day for worship, or whatever other plans you have.
I have but one bit of caution for you all.
If you eat too many Easter eggs, you'll get a tummy ache.
This I know personally from direct experience.
The blue ones are especially heavy. I believe they have granite yokes.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do!
How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.
acebook
witter
I think I got lots of good photos though. 
