Martin Luther King, Jr.
Only in the darkness can you see the stars.
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Mrs. Berry, the math teacher scolded little Peter and said, "Your grades are very poor. I need to talk to your Father. Please ask him to meet me in school tomorrow."
Little Peter, "And if I refuse to do so?"
Now angry, Mrs, Berry shouts, "I will upload your grades on FB and will tag your dad!"
Little Peter, not ready to give up so soon, said, "All right, then let me inform my Mom that you are on my Dad's friends list."
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I had a Math teacher, Mr. Brown, who was well known for being absent minded. He would keep forgetting things and was often made fun of.
It so happened that he moved to a new home in the next block, and fearing he would forget where he lived, his wife jotted down the new address on a piece of paper and gave it to him when he was ready to leave for school. She reminded him to check the note on the way back from school, so he does not end up going to the old address.
Well, Mr. Brown had a busy day teaching at school and also, had a meeting with the Principal regarding disciplinary measures and new rules to be introduced. He took notes on the back of the piece of paper his wife had given him, and then handed it over to his assistant for follow up forgetting that his new address was on the other side of the piece of paper.
When he started for home, he didn't remember the new home, as expected, and reached his old residence. When he found the door locked, he remembered the new home and started looking in his pocket for the slip of paper. Not finding it, he started wandering the streets looking for his new home, when he came across a young girl.
He stopped her and asked, "Excuse me, my name is Prof Brown and I teach Math. Would you, by any chance, know where I live?"
"Certainly, daddy," said the girl.
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Ronald who was a high school civics teacher asked a pretty history teacher, Sara, out on a date. She agreed and they went to a nice restaurant.
Ronald offered her beer but Sara refused saying, "I am a teacher and I am expected to set a good example for my students. What do I say to my students if they learn that I drink?"
Ronald offered her a cigarette but Sara refused again saying, "What am I supposed to say to my students when they learn that I smoke?"
On their way back, they passed by a motel, and Ronald said to her, "What about going into that motel and having a good time?"
Sara agreed immediately.
Ronald said, "so what will you tell your students when they learn about this?"
The history teacher replied, "Something that I always tell them. You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time!"
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The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"
"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."
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Teacher : How do you spell "wrong"?
Bobby : R-O-N-G.
Teacher: That's wrong.
Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?
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The Mathematics teacher, Mrs. Simpson, had a question for Little Bernie. She asked, "Tell me Bernie, if your Father's income was $ 100 and he gave half of it to your mother, what would she get?"
Little Bernie was quick to answer, "A heart attack!"
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Bernie, who was a school teacher by profession, injured his spine in an accident and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore a cotton shirt over it and it was not evident at all.
As the new term began, he was assigned to a senior class with the rowdiest students in school.
Walking confidently into the classroom, with the cast still under his shirt, Bernie opened the window wide and then got busy with some desk work. There was a strong breeze that made his tie flap, so Bernie simply picked up the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
The whole class of trouble-makers went silent.
Bernie had no problems with discipline in that term.
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The story of the day in the first grade was the Three Little Pigs. Mrs. Taylor, the teacher was reading out the story when she came to the part where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said, "And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?' "
Then Mrs. Taylor had a question for the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know the answer... . . . . 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!!' "
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Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to this school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
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You might be a Schoolteacher if...
you have no time for a life from August to June.
you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!"
when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
you refer to adults as "boys and girls."
you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."
you've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
you believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.
you know hundred good reasons for being late.
you don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
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There was A teacher who was shouting at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said.
One of the kids put up his hand. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.
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Good morning everyboomie.
You know Tuesday's are finer in the diner.
This morning, with the rain going and nothing in particular to do, I decided to get on my treadmill and run. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't done any running in a month and a half.
I'm not ashamed that I didn't do it. I'm ashamed that I had to say it.
I've been focused on doing other exercise programs.
Did you know that the slower you run, the longer you have to feel the pain?
You know that phrase that fitness coaches are so fond of, "FEEL THE BURN!"?
The burn is not pleasant.
Actually I ran for half the time, and then I crawled for the last half.
You wanna know something else? It's much harder, and more painful to crawl on a treadmill let me tell you, and duck walking(?).......well........forget that notion right now!!!
I have skid marks on my heals, my palms, my elbows, AND my rump.
I ran an hour, but I started out running at 5mph, then after about 10 seconds I went to 4mph, and then for the last 10 minutes I went back to 5mph.
I have to keep up appearances, my dogs came in the room.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
to everyone. Have a nice day!
Joe! I read your treadmill story to Roger. He's laughing with me! You crack me up! 
Have a great day! 
Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and everyone. Joe you are to funny! MaG nice to see you in the diner. Ana have a great day. Coffee and tea are ready. 
The weather was wonderful today...but too hot! Would enjoy more cool spring weather before the summer heat overtakes us 
