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Happy Hump Day #1107730
04/18/17 09:39 PM
04/18/17 09:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Leon C. Megginson

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

````````````

Mrs. Katrina, the Arts teacher, addressed the class with a statue of Venus in her hands.
"What do you like best about this piece of art? Raise your hands."

Steven raised his hand and said, "The symmetry."

"Very good. And you, Justin?"

"Her assets!" says Justin

"Get out of the class, Justin and stand in the hall," responds Mrs. Katrina with loathing. "And you, Bubba?"

"I'm leaving, ma'am, I'm leaving..."

```````````````

A little kid raised his hand in class and asked the teacher, "Can you please tell me , ma'am how do you spell icholas?"

Miss Mary, the teacher was rather dazed. "Don't you mean Nicholas?" she asked.

"No, ma'am. I've written the 'N' already."

`````````````

Mrs. Smith, the math teacher, gave the class a problem to solve.

She asked the first graders, "If I had ten sheep and five of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Tommy.

Mrs. Smith glared at Tommy and said, "None? Tommy, what's wrong with your arithmetic?"

Tommy answered, "Mrs. Smith, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

``````````````

In my college, posters offering used textbooks for sale are pasted on the college notice board at the beginning of each trimester.

One of them read: "Introduction to Marketing, $12, never used."
The card was signed, "Seller in hurry."

The next day a note had been added: "Fair price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer."

Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."

````````````````

One day, Little Tommy asked his Class teacher, "Teacher, why are the days longer in the summer?"

The teacher answered, "It's because of the heat. It makes everything expand."

`````````````

How to identify students when the professor walks into the class and says good morning.

* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.

````````````````

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"

The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"

`````````````

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”

``````````````````````

The teacher was discussing natural history with her class of eight-year old kids.

She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"

A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."

`````````````

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"

```````````````

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying:
"Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?"

The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

````````````````

The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."

````````````````

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Hump day again? Didn't we already do that one?


Well as the days get longer and hotter, my fuse gets shorter, and my temper gets hotter. taz


My dogs will be sitting and staring at me, and I'll finally have to get up and go to the door and say, "GO-GET OUTSIDE-STOP STARING AT ME!!! You've been staring at me for 8 solid hours."


I hate it when they have no patience. puppy


I went to Lowe's today and they had me do another pre-employment interview. It's too funny when I'm sitting there with a manager that I worked with for about 4 years, and she's asking me about my work history.


We worked side by side. crazy


She could even answer the questions better than I could. rolleyes


I did my drug test as well. Thank goodness I didn't have to fast for it. bravo


I could do all the drugs I wanted to before I took it.......... smile



.and I did. thumbsup


I took the dogs to the park, and then went to Walmart for groceries.


You know what's cool? Walmart repaved their whole parking lot, and you know what that means(?)......................more head hunting. lol


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/18/17 09:48 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107736
04/18/17 10:19 PM
04/18/17 10:19 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Have a nice day, Joe!
Lost me on repaved WalMart. think


Hello everyone! wave

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: MaG] #1107737
04/18/17 10:23 PM
04/18/17 10:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
One of my coolest arrowhead finds MaG was in the pavement of Walmart's parking lot. yes

Have a super day MaG. wave

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107738
04/18/17 10:27 PM
04/18/17 10:27 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Ah. So it's true - you find almost "everything" at WalMart. lol
Good luck then.
You too - enjoy the life!

Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107739
04/18/17 10:30 PM
04/18/17 10:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe, seems silly they need to do all that again to hire you again. Sometimes the rules seem to be a bit much.

MaG, Joe dug out a head that was in the asphalt last year in the parking lot. laugh He finds them everywhere! EDIT: I am way too slow on responding! rotfl


Have a happy day everyone!

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 04/18/17 10:31 PM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: MaG] #1107740
04/18/17 10:31 PM
04/18/17 10:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Well it ain't exactly Alice's Restaurant, but yep, I guess so. wink


joe


Edit: Ana It was worse than that. I applied for the wrong position originally, and had to re-apply. hardwall

That's what took so long, but they didn't say anything for two weeks. slapforehead

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/18/17 10:35 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107742
04/18/17 10:43 PM
04/18/17 10:43 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Oh no, Joe! Well that is unfortunate. So you get a couple extra weeks of playtime!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1107743
04/18/17 10:48 PM
04/18/17 10:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I told them I did that on purpose, so I could have another two weeks vacation. snicker


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107744
04/18/17 10:58 PM
04/18/17 10:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol There ya go, Joe! I bet they missed your humor!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107752
04/19/17 04:09 AM
04/19/17 04:09 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and everyone. Joe no need to hurry up and start working again! MaG have a great day. Ana what are you up to today? Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing everyone a happy day! spring


Gerry
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107760
04/19/17 06:58 AM
04/19/17 06:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Hump Day. Summer is here in sunny and hot Florida. This is the first time as long as I can remember that we have been without at least one dog. We will wait a little while until the right one finds us or we find him or her. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107772
04/19/17 09:05 AM
04/19/17 09:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Joe, you make me laugh every morning. Thank you!

MaG, have a wonderful day.

Ana, enjoy whatever you decide to do today.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, it's a sad time for you. There are a lot of shelter dogs looking for a home like yours. Hang in there. hearts

Got a funeral of a church friend to attend this morning. Wishing everyone a good day! kitty


Gail
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: GBC] #1107802
04/19/17 04:07 PM
04/19/17 04:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #1107817
04/19/17 07:04 PM
04/19/17 07:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hello SQF laugh Hope you had a great afternoon!

Howdy Joe Ana Connie Gerry MaG Gail

think Hmmm, what did it take to dig the arrowhead out of the pavement at Wal-Mart Joe? Did Wal-Mart help you or...?

Have a great evening everyone wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Happy Hump Day [Re: soot] #1107824
04/19/17 07:20 PM
04/19/17 07:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks soot smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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