CHARLES DICKENS
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
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Rita to Tina, "It's my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow."
Tina, "Cool. What are you giving him?"
Rita, "I was about to ask you that. What should I give him?"
Tina, "Is he rich?"
Rita, "Yes, he is."
Tina, "Then give him my number!"
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Robbie said to his friend, "I have reason to believe that Stacy, the girl next door is stalking me."
His friend asked him what made him think so.
Robbie replied, "She has been looking up my profile on all search engines last night. I spotted it through my binoculars."
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Pablo worked as a labourer at a construction site. One day he came home early from work, so his son asked him why he had returned home before his usual time.
Pablo replied, "I got fired!"
His son asked, "Why?"
Pablo said to his son, "Do you know who a supervisor is? He is the bloke who just fools around all day, watching the other guys work and doing nuthin'."
The son said, "All right, but how is that connected to your getting fired?"
Pablo replied, "The supervisor was envious of me. All of them folks thought I was the supervisor!"
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Donald's wife was missing and everyone including his brother-in-law accused him of murder. The case went to court. The body could not be found and the case was getting complicated.
There were several witnesses who were called to testify. Almost everyone spoke about the constant fights between the couple and the deadly threats that Donald had made.Seeing the case getting weaker & weaker for his client, Donald's lawyer, Simmons declared in the court, "I have an announcement to make. Please draw your attention to the door on the right. The woman who is presumed dead will walk in through that door."
There were whispers in the court and everybody looked towards the door.
After a couple of seconds, lawyer Simmons said again to the Jury, "To tell you the truth, no one will be walking in through the door.However, I observed that all of you turned your eyes towards the door, which proves that you are not completely convinced about my client's guilt."
Despite the stunt, the jury declared Donald guilty.
Lawyer Simmons tried one last time by saying, "How could you pronounce him guilty? You all turned towards the door, didn't you? I proved it to you, didn't I?"
An old guy replied, "There was one person who did not turn towards the door."
Lawyer Simmons asked, "And who is that?"
The old guy said, "Your client!"
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Janie bought a new SIM card and the fist thought that came to her mind was to surprise her husband Jake. So Janie replaced the old SIM with the new one in her cellphone. She went to the bedroom and called Jake who was reading the newspaper in the living room.
"Hi Sweetheart!" she said, calling from the new number.
Jake replied in a hushed tone, "Can I call you back sweety. My wife is in the bedroom!"
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Dustin had taken leave from his services in the army to get married. No sooner was the wedding over, Dustin got a call from the army directing him to to resume his duties with immediate effect. He was informed that he was stationed in Vietnam.for 2 years.
After he reached Vietnam, he really started to miss his wife. He sent a mail to her. It read, "Sweetheart, it seems like I am going to be here for a long time. I miss you terribly. You know the local girls here are quite attractive and its so hard to fight the temptation. I guess I will have to take up some hobby to keep my mind from wandering."
Lisa, his bride wrote back to him, "Sweetheart, I have couriered a parcel to you. It will solve your problem."
When Dustin received the parcel, he found a flute inside with a note 'You should learn to play this.'
Finally, the two years came to an end, and Dustin got to go back home. He rushed to his wife, and picking her up in his arms, said, "Oh God! How much I missed you. I want you so much...let's go to bed."
"Wait a minute", said Lisa, "I want to hear you play your flute first."
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Janco, a tourist from China visited Cherrapunji in India. Janco was unaware of the fact that Cherrapunji is one of the wettest places on earth. It was raining the day Janco arrived. It rained the next day and the day after that. She was there for almost a week and there was not a day without rain.
Sipping a cup of hot tea at a local joint, she saw a kid and asked him, "Hello, does it ever stop raining in this town?"
The little fellow replied, "How would I know? I am only 5."
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Marie was a regular at Sunday church and she also taught in Sunday school. Dean liked her a lot but could not muster enough courage to tell her so. Finally, one day he asked her out. He said, “Marie, how about having dinner with me tonight?”
Marie agreed, “Yes, that would be nice.”
So Dean took her to the best restaurant in town. They settled down and Dean asked, “How about some alcohol before dinner?”
Marie retorted: “Oh Jesus, no, what would I tell my students?”
Dean was disappointed. He fumbled in his pocket, took out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Marie. Marie refused, “My students look up to me. I always tell them to remain away from all vices.”
Dean was lost. Somehow he finished dinner and immediately decided to drive Marie home. On the way, he saw a motel sign and as he had nothing to lose, so he asked without any hope, “If you want, we can stay at the motel.”
Marie said, “Why not? Sure.”
Dean was aghast at this turn of events. But drove into the motel before Marie could change her mind.
He checked in with Marie. They made themselves comfortable and had an extremely good time.
The next morning, Dean asked, “Marie, I wonder. How are you going to explain this to your students?”
Marie replied, “That it is not necessary for us to smoke and drink to have a good time.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
It finally started raining good here at 4:20, and by 4:50 it was done, except for a couple more light showers.
Looking at the radar though, it looks like they may have gotten a lot more rain at the sod farm.
It's going to be very cool tomorrow as well. I could have a good day.
Let me rephrase that. I'm going to have a great day.
It will not be a pointless day.
Tomorrow morning I will be 'headed' in the right direction.
As a matter of fact, I will find many artifacts.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and everyone. Right now I,m enjoying a beautiful sunrise! It's going to be a sunny day. I wish I could send you some sunshine Joe and Ana! We got up into the 80s yesterday. Space enjoy your day too. Coffee and tea are ready.
