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Sunday Sunshine #1109676
05/06/17 08:02 PM
05/06/17 08:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
SAMUEL BUTLER

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.

``````````````

Two childhood friends were preparing themselves for physicals for induction in the US army. Both of them were unwilling to join the army but were helpless because of stringent US laws. Somebody suggested that if one didn’t have any teeth, they were rejected. They decided to give it a shot and got all their teeth removed.

There was a line of young aspirants when they arrived at the recruitment center. They both felt it would be unwise to stand in the queue next to each other. So one stood in the line and the other waited for the line to extend a bit when a bulky, young unwashed boy took the line. The other decided to stand next to the bulky boy.

When the first boy’s turn came, the doctor asked if he had anything to say regarding his health. The boy said he did not have any teeth. The doctor ordered the boy to open his mouth, ran his fingers around the kid’s gum and asked him to stand in the rejection queue.

The line progressed and ultimately it was the bulky boy’s turn. The doctor asked him: “Anything wrong with you?” The boy replied: “I have piles.”

The doctor asked the boy to undress. He then made the boy bend and spread. He inserted his finger inside, moved it around for a while as if to make sure, pulled back his finger and declared that the boy indeed had piles and announced him unfit.

The doctor declared "Next"

When the second toothless boy stepped up to the doctor, he was asked if he had anything to declare.

The boy shouted: “No sir, not a [blip] thing wrong with me. Give me that rifle and march me to the border.”

`````````````````

Chris and Bob went fishing. The catch was impressive that day. Chris said: “Bob, mark X on the side of the boat so that we can spot the place tomorrow.”

Bob: “You crazy? Do you think you are going to get the same boat on hire tomorrow?”

``````````````

Franglais (French and English) Phrases

Coup de grace - A lawn mower.
La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels.

Moi aussi - I am an Australian.
Pas de deux? - Father of twins?
Mange tout - You're pretty mangy yourself.

Pain prune - I cut myself with the secateurs.
Chaussee deformer? - Are you a contortionist?

Parke le char - My tea is cold.
Suivez la piste - Never mind, follow that drunk!

`````````````````

The new Ensign was trying to impress everybody with what he'd learned in Submarine School when the Master Chief cut him off.

"Listen, Sir, it's simple," he said. "Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Then divide by two. If it doesn't come out even, DON'T OPEN THE HATCH!"

```````````````

Hilarious jokes-If there were Computers in 1776


If there were Computers in 1776

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence.

Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.

Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?

Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems.

Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.

Mr. Sherman: Thanks. Saaaaay, nice font.

Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week.

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out.

Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.stinks last night.

Mr. Franklin: @#$$%^$# General Protection Fault!

Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me.

Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text?

Mr. Jefferson: I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I've spilled candle wax on my keyboard again.

Mr. Adams: You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an active-matrix screen.

Mr. Franklin: Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy!

Mr. Livingston: Are you sure it's "unalienable rights"? My spell checker recommends "unassailable".

Mr. Jefferson: Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?

Mr. Sherman: What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible.

Mr. Franklin: Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes? OK, I'll hold.....

Mr. Livingston: The "In Congress" part here at the top; have you thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point Helvetica?

Mr. Jefferson: Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save the file.

Mr. Franklin: That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen....

``````````````````

Halloween Lessons from the Movie Theater


Halloween Lessons from the Movie Theater, in the order of drastic consequences. Please follow them!

17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead.

16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

15. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

14. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

13. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

11. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them, so be prepared!

10. If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

9. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.

8. Do not take anything from the dead.

7. As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

6. Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.

5. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

4. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

2. If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

1. If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Looks like the second day of rest this weekend is a work day for me. yes


Seems kinda ironic.


I can see the headlines now....."Retired Man Prefers To Work Rather Than Sit Back And Enjoy Retirement." crazy


My enjoyment time on the one weekend day I was off was pretty darn good though. I went to the three big holes at the back of the sod farm and dug a hole in one. snicker


I got there before 8:30, and I dug and sifted until 1:30, when my back couldn't take any more pain, and I couldn't take anymore heat under my bonnet. blush


I found an arrowhead in my second shovel, but I lost it. Not sure if it didn't make it in my pocket because I was wearing gloves, or it fell to the ground in the tall grass when I was taking stuff out. cry


Not a big loss. It was missing the base, and the tip, so it was only half a point. grin


I found several blades and scrapers, and two more points. hamster


I left here a happy man, and returned a new man...............who was happier. joy


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/06/17 08:57 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109678
05/06/17 08:34 PM
05/06/17 08:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday Boomers. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109687
05/07/17 12:17 AM
05/07/17 12:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Glad you had a successful day, Joe! Hope your workday goes well!

SpaceQ, have a great day!

Have a happy day all! I have a photography group meeting tomorrow afternoon at a forest preserve for a nature walk.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109689
05/07/17 04:14 AM
05/07/17 04:14 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana and everyone. Joe have a great work day! Space enjoy your day too. Ana sounds like a relaxing day. Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a sunny day! spring


Gerry
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109692
05/07/17 07:28 AM
05/07/17 07:28 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
good Morning Boomers puppy

Joe, have an easy workday. Glad you had good findings yesterday,

Ana, sounds like fun tomorrow.

Space, have a great rest of the weekend,

Gerry, no sun here again, Thanks for the coffee.

Connie, see you when you come in.

Just a hang around day. Been getting a lot of gaming done. Wishing everybody a great day! kitty


Gail
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109693
05/07/17 07:31 AM
05/07/17 07:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and a BJ;s trip today. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, Grits, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: connie] #1109696
05/07/17 09:20 AM
05/07/17 09:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Staring out a little chilly here this morning. puppy


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109702
05/07/17 11:36 AM
05/07/17 11:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Happy Sunday to all! It's raining here as predicted. Nice. Unfortunately loads of car crashes all over since a lot of people here don't know how to drive in wet weather. Duh. They go too fast, change lanes all over and eventually, karma catches up with them.

Outdoosies all showed up for breakfast despite the rain. They seem to know where to camp out even when it's pouring. Lots of tree cover over the deck and in case of really bad rain, they can duck under the feeding table or lots of other benches, etc. Only one, Ninja the oldest of all the ferals was wet, but he has to walk up from the back lot, through some high grass etc. Nothing more fun than petting a wet cat. Yuk. He didn't like it either, so I'll accost him later after he dries off. catrub


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109708
05/07/17 12:27 PM
05/07/17 12:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Super Sunday Ya'll puppy

I'm BACK hamster Daughter is so amazing with baby Leo. We had a very scary delivery...hope she never does that again. She is recovering well. Now that little one just has to get a little more aggressive with nursing and she will be all set.

I had a much delayed flight home, but it was still faster than driving! Hubby and I were both worn out by the time we made it home. We were going to go to see Guardians of the Galaxy today, but think we will put it off til next week so I don't fall asleep in the middle of the movie wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109714
05/07/17 01:50 PM
05/07/17 01:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So it's still raining off and on, pretty hard at times. I go to the kitchen to heat up some tea and hear the oh so familiar, 'lost kitten cry'. Yeah, I'm used to that one. So I go out in the pouring rain to look under the feeding table and see nothing on the ground. Usually it's a kitten who is lost under the table as Mom moves them from place to place.

So then I peek under the plastic tablecloth that provides warm, dry, shelter under the table for kitties. There is a nice comfy cat bed on one of the chairs which everyone uses. I see Spot kitty on the non-bed chair, and then IN the bed is MOM and Tippy, who are from the last litter and are staying close to Mom since she had the new litter. Couldn't tell if any kittens were IN the bed with the two I saw and Mom was hissing at me.

Get back from under the table and hear the lost kitten cry to my left and just barely spot a tiny tail going behind some terracotta pots that contain my rock collection. Grabbed the little guy and it was the same one who is always coming to me when he's lost. Runt of the litter, tiny tiny tiny. Half the size of his siblings. I spent several days last week grabbing him and cleaning out his eyes so he could see.

So his eyes are all matted shut again, I grab him and wipe the eyes and then brave a cat attack by Mom by putting him IN the bed with Mom and Tippy (the older brother). No more crying. I think he probably just hunkered down in the bed and Mom will take care of him for awhile. Don't know where the other 2 little guys are. They were about 30 feet away, on the other side of my fence in the neighbor's yard, under some really big jade tree bushes. Been there about a week now. Mom must have brought one or more over when the rain got bad.

Mom knows the way back, kittens will follow IF she calls. Just gotta keep an eye out now to be sure the runt makes it back to safety. He's just hit 6 weeks now and still nursing. Won't eat or lap from a dish, but does lap up the drops on his tongue when I feed him kitten milk. Seems healthy enough, just very small.

I'm watching all of the fun. A few more weeks and then they will all be eating on the feeding table when Mom decides it's time. For now, she's eating and then going back to them and feeding them. She does take lizards and birds, maybe mice for them, but I'm not sure they are actually eating them or if it's just her. At least she's offering goodies. Loads of wet and dry food on the table for all. Ramps are in place for the babies and baby possums. Works well and it's amazing how quickly they all learn how to access the food.

All in a day's work. The Cat Lady lives.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109715
05/07/17 02:04 PM
05/07/17 02:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
joy Welcome back L4L! We missed you! Glad all is well even though it gave you some scares! hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109725
05/07/17 03:39 PM
05/07/17 03:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thanks, Ana, I missed you all puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109728
05/07/17 05:10 PM
05/07/17 05:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Welcome home WOM joy

Howdy Hello Joe Ana Connie Gerry SortaB SQF Gail and everyone else that peeks in the window

Have a Super Sunday all

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: soot] #1109738
05/07/17 07:47 PM
05/07/17 07:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
See you all tomorrow Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109746
05/07/17 09:00 PM
05/07/17 09:00 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hi to all Boomers have a great day and hopefully with lots of sunshine.. spring

Last edited by Taintedfury; 05/07/17 09:01 PM.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109747
05/07/17 09:02 PM
05/07/17 09:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hey SQF ... wishing you and the gang a quiet Sunday evening

Most excellent SortaB

We had the chance to game too Gail

Thanks again for the spread Connie and Gerry

Have fun on your walk Ana

Good huntin Joe

Hope your day is all sunshine too TaintedFury

See you tomorrow everyone wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1109753
05/07/17 10:58 PM
05/07/17 10:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams...


Don't feed the Trolls
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