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Tuesday's #1109862
05/08/17 10:05 PM
05/08/17 10:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
ANONYMOUS

The man who rolls up his shirt sleeves is rarely in danger of losing his shirt.

```````````````


A young man who was an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried, and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man leaned back on his golf bag and said, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall."

```````````````

While traveling cross country, a couple decided to stop for a cup of coffee in a local diner somewhere in Texas. While they were sitting at a booth near the counter sipping their coffee, a local cowboy stumbled in and headed for the closest stool at the counter. As he lifted his leg over the stool, he cut one of the loudest f.arts ever heard by a human. The tourist jumped up and screamed, "Sir, how dare you [blip] before my wife!"

The cowboy stopped, tipped his hat politely and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, ma'am...I didn't know we was a takin' turns."

```````````````

There was this man wandering around a by lane aimlessly. He suddenly heard a group shouting “twenty…..twenty…..twenty” in chorus as if in a trance. He saw a building with a tall fence from which the chant was coming.

Curious, the man went near the building, and found a small hole in the fence. He bent a little, put one eye to the hole and saw a group of men chanting the number over and over again. Before he could see further, a finger came out from the hole and poked him in the eye.

As he stumbled back, the chant changed to “twenty one….. twenty one….. twenty one.”

``````````````````

A woman went to see a Doctor, complaining of an upset stomach.

The Doctor asked "What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Oysters," she replied.

"Were the oysters fresh?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady.

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"Oh my god," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"

```````````````

Upon receiving several complaints of spellings, grammar and such other mistakes from readers in one newspaper, the editor put the following article in his editor’s note:

“We are the only newspaper which is aware that other than subjects like politics, sports, celebrity gossip, business news etc, some people are particularly fond of finding faults (like puzzles) in news prints. We try and cover them too. "

```````````````

Child: “Mom, do angels fly?”

Mom: “Yes, they do.”

Child: “Then why doesn’t our maid fly?”

Mom: “But she is not an angel.”

Child: “Yes, she is. Dad calls her angel.”

Mom: “Does he? All right then, you will most likely see her flying tomorrow.”

``````````````````

Johnson, the Matchmaker, goes to meet Mr. Ford, who is a bachelor for many years.

Johnson says to Mr. Ford, "I suggest you do not delay it any further. I have someone in mind who is just perfect for you. You just have to say yes and I'll arrange for you to meet her. Before you know, you'll be married!"

"Please don't bother," replies Mr. Ford, "I have two sisters at home, who take care of all my needs."

Johnson says, "Well that's good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"

`````````````

A new law was recently passed in West Virginia. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

``````````````````

Mike: “Mary has broken our engagement saying I am not rich enough.”

Harry: “But you should have told her about your maternal uncle. He is stinking rich and you are his only successor.”

Mike: “I did that. Now she's engaged to my uncle.

`````````````````

A man was driving in front of a mental hospital when he had a flat tire. While changing the rear punctured wheel, he lost all six nut bolts in the nearby drain by accident. The man was now stuck and didn’t know what to do. Just then a guy came out of the mental hospital and asked if he could help. The car owner noticed an identity card of the hospital around his neck with patient number printed on it. He still asked the patient if there was any garage around.

The patient said: “No, it is at least five miles from here. But I suggest you take out one bolt each from the rest of the three wheels, fit them on your rear wheel and drive slowly and carefully to the garage. You will find all you need there.”

The car owner was dumb-struck. He himself should have thought of this simple solution. He thanked the man and asked politely if he was really mad.

The patient replied: “Yes, of course I am mad, but I am no fool.”

```````````````

Mike bought a piano for Jane on her birthday. After a few days, Mike's friend inquired with him how Jane was doing with the piano.

"Well," said Mike, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"Why is that?" asked the friend.

Mike answered, "that's because with a clarinet, she cannot sing."

`````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Tuesday's are terrific don't you think? woot


I don't know why, but I figure I hon't have to have a reason. sherlock


Monday morning I went to the truck wash and I washed my truck.....what else would I do there? crazy


I came back home and took the dogs to the park, and then spent the rest of the morning cleaning my truck. slapforehead


Now, in my infinite wisdom, I'm going to the sod farm this morning, and drive all over the field of greens, and the big big tall grass around it, in my nice clean truck. snicker


It should be fairly dry though. No rain in a week. yes


Wednesday I will mow the lawn, and clean house. think


Maybe I should have done that on Monday, and cleaned my truck on Wednesday. rolleyes


That's why I don't play chess.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/08/17 10:08 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109868
05/08/17 10:48 PM
05/08/17 10:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! I hope your truck stays clean and you find a whole bunch of points!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109882
05/09/17 05:48 AM
05/09/17 05:48 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. It's freezing here this morning! Had to turn the heat on.
Wishing you all a warm sunny day! spring


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109886
05/09/17 06:27 AM
05/09/17 06:27 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers lab

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! On my way out for yet another test. car


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109891
05/09/17 07:50 AM
05/09/17 07:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Gail, prayers on the way. Last night at karaoke the children did most of the singing. It was truly Beautiful. Tonight is Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke at 8-8 Panda. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109895
05/09/17 08:19 AM
05/09/17 08:19 AM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Hi to all!
Thanks Joe. The dirty truck shows you're having fun!. smile
I enjoyed the breakfast, Connie! Thanks.

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109906
05/09/17 11:22 AM
05/09/17 11:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Another dark, cool day. Might rain, but they say tomorrow. So dreary, hate this type of weather.

As for the Outdoorsies: Mom was pretty good at getting 2 of the 3 from the deck to under the house (way up front). But the runt was left under the feeding table in the bed. So I put that one in a cat carrier, and waited. Mom came back when she heard the crying. I opened the door and went back into the house and in about 15 minutes, Mom had managed to reclaim the Runt and all 3 were together in the side yard with their older brother Spot. He's a cuddler and the little ones think he's dad. Cute.

This morning, no sightings yet but they will reappear sometime when the sun comes out.

As for neutering/spaying: All 3 of the new ones will be done when it's time as was the last batch. I'm hoping to adopt them out, but the guy who my friend said wanted 2 has now decided he doesn't want any new cats just now. Darn. There is that group that sets up near our Petco and has a sign asking for kittens. A few more weeks and I will try them if I can't find homes myself. Can't have any more Outdoorsies. The only one who I can't catch is MOM and she's my biggest problem. Tried everything. She's street smart and just won't let me near her. Won't go near traps or cages or carriers and I'm just going to have to figure out a 'cure'. There are 'pills' for birth control, but I can't guarantee SHE would be the only one eating the bait. No good answers for now. Drives me nuts thinking.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109909
05/09/17 11:48 AM
05/09/17 11:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I'll be doing a little of this, and a bit of that today. I"m trying to think of something easy for dinner. Boys will be out of school in a couple of weeks so I'm trying to store some energy up whistle wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109912
05/09/17 12:05 PM
05/09/17 12:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
good morning , everyone !

another day that's going to be too busy ,but at least

progress is being made ( i think )

hoping you all have a wonderful one today !

wave2

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109920
05/09/17 01:56 PM
05/09/17 01:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Progress is a good thing, especially if you have to be busy luck


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1109924
05/09/17 04:04 PM
05/09/17 04:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109926
05/09/17 04:35 PM
05/09/17 04:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Afternoon, Space, and Welcome home wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109933
05/09/17 07:54 PM
05/09/17 07:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Storing energy is a must! We need to figure out how to tap into theirs think

Hey Ho Joe Ana SQF Connie Gerry L4L NiteOwl Mag SortaB Gail and Boomers all over laugh

I survived another work day Joe and made four quarters wink

And now I'm ready for a quiet evening ... after I eat that is lol

Take care everyone wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: soot] #1109936
05/09/17 08:17 PM
05/09/17 08:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks looney. smile

Hi soot. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109942
05/09/17 09:19 PM
05/09/17 09:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hi SQF ... what are you up to this evening?


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109946
05/09/17 09:48 PM
05/09/17 09:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Off to bed for me. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1109953
05/09/17 10:12 PM
05/09/17 10:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Hi all wave Finally got my project so I've been in the corner. Hope you all had a great day!


Don't feed the Trolls
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