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TGIF #1110147
05/11/17 09:49 PM
05/11/17 09:49 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.

`````````````````

Dennis is a rich playboy who often dates beautiful women. At a party, he meets a good looking brunette and soon they are lost in conversation. He takes her to his majestic bungalow and he soon finds out that she hails from a good family, is well groomed and is quite intelligent.

In order to impress her, Dennis shows off his collection of expensive paintings and sculptures, and offers her a glass of wine.

He asked whether she preferred Red or White wine and she answered,
"Oh, White wine by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a n amazing sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the dazzling liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world. Red wine, on the other hand, gives me gas."

`````````````

It's Joe's 65th birthday and he makes a resolution to get his body back into shape.

He gets his physician's approval to join a gym and takes up an aerobics class for the elderly.

He bends, twists, gyrates, hops and perspires for an hour. But, by the time Joe got his leotards on, he realized the class is over.


I didn't know anyone was watching.... blush

````````````````

An Indian Airlines air-hostess was called into the office of Chief Trainer for a severe reprimand.

"Miss Dixit, I have been informed about the happenings on your maiden flight", said the furious trainer, glaring at the air-hostess.

"From now on, please remember - if a passenger feels faint, you need to push his head down between his own legs!"

```````````````

My friend, Zane is a philosopher. I have always thought philosophers like Zane truly appreciate the profound nature of life's deep questions. As a result, people like Zane are still struggling with the same questions that have been asked for centuries. Thus, they are the objects of ridicule on the part of scientists, who have less patience with such lack of progress.

For example, Zane asked me the other day, "If a tree falls in a forest, and there is no one around to hear, does it make a sound?"

This question has been posed by philosophers since ages, and there is still no philosphical consensus as to what the answer should be.

But when a scientist is asked the same question, he'll go off for short while, apply for a grant or two, and come back saying, "Well, we've solved it for elm and birch, but we're still working on the general case"!

`````````````

There was this wrestling event between Russia and Britain. Before the match, the British wrestler's trainer gave him some advise. He said, "We have done a lot of research on the Russian and it is found that he is an expert with the 'pretzel' grip. Once he gets his grip, it is nearly impossible to beat him. Just don't let him get you in that grip. If he does, you are a goner."

The British wrestler acknowledged his understanding. The match commenced. Now, to the match: The Briton and the Russian went around in circles, both looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian pounced, capturing the Briton the dreaded pretzel grip!

A crowd went silent, and the trainer shut his eyes for he knew all was lost. He couldn't bear to watch the proceedings.

Suddenly there was a blood curdling scream, and a resounding cheer from the spectators. The trainer opened his eye just in time to see the Russian jumping up in the air. The Russian hit the floor with a thud, and the Briton weakly dropped on top of him, thus winning the match.

The trainer couldn't believe what was happening! He took the British wrestler aside, he asked, "How did you manage to get out of that hold? No one has escaped it before!"

The Briton answered, "I was about to give up when he got me in that grip, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I will give it a try, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit them just as hard as I could. You have no idea how strong you can get when you bite your own nuts!"

````````````

Laurel to Hardy: Do you know your brain is a masterpiece.

Hardy: You really think so? Thanks.

Laurel: Yeah, in the left half, nothing is right, and in the right, nothing is left.

```````````

Then there was this medical convention where three surgeons met during a coffee break. They were chatting about different operations on different kind of people.

First surgeon: “I prefer Chinese. They have what it takes and their bodies are perfect.”

Second surgeon: “I like Vietnamese. They are so small and delicate that you have to have steady hands, else the incision is big. It’s a challenge to operate on them.”

Third surgeon: “You are both novices. You don’t know about lawyers. They are my favorite because when you open them, they have no heart and they don’t have a spine. Also their heads and butts can be swapped.”

``````````````

There are three old men seated inside a doctor's cabin - all suffering from bad memory.

The doctor wants to take a little test - so he asks the first old man, "Can you tell me what is four times four?"

The first man replies, "756".

The doctor can't believe this. So he moves on to the second old man asks him, "Your turn. What is four times four?"

The second man replies, "Friday".

The doctor shakes his head in disbelief and then asks the third man, "Do you think you have the answer?"

The third old man replies, "Sixteen".

"Wonderful!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Easy," the third old man replies, "Just add 756 to Friday."

````````````````

Derrick was an airplane cleaner and he always had one desire - to fly an airplane himself. So, one morning he arrives at work early and while cleaning, finds a book in the cockpit titled "Guide to fly an airplane for Dummies Part 1".

He opens the book and starts reading, "First press the green button on right to start the engine."

He does that and the engine starts. He turns to Page 2 and it reads, "Press brown button to start airplane moving on runway."

He does that and the airplane starts moving ahead and catches speed. He goes to Page 3 and it reads, "Press the red button to take off the airplane in the air."

He does that and the airplane is flying. He starts turning the pilot's joystick and the airplane begins circling, going up and down and Derrick is having the time of his life! He then decides to land the airplane before anyone finds out what he has been up to.

He turns to the next page and finds the following printed in bold:
"Be sure to get your copy of Part 2 of Guide to fly an airplane for Dummies, covering landing a plane, when it hits the bookstores next month."

```````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


I had so much trouble getting here, I'm exhausted ready for bed already. shocked


I kept getting this message, which I for one have never seen before:


UBB Message
We encountered a problem. The reason reported was
Database error only visible to forum administrators

Please click [ Back ] to return to the previous page.



Has anyone else had this problem? headscratch


If so take 2 aspirin, and smash your computer with a cat. oops


Sorry, I'm watching MASH. The insane humor is rubbing off on me. woot


YEHAA it's Friday and I only work 6 hours, AND, it rained all day today, AND, I am off on Saturday. joy


You know what all of that means? I get to sleep in on Saturday. snicker


Of course my plans may change between now and then. razz


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110149
05/11/17 10:02 PM
05/11/17 10:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, we had an issue, it wasn't you. So glad you made it here! hearts

My sister is coming to visit for the afternoon from Indiana and stay the night so I am excited. I miss her!

Have a happy day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1110150
05/11/17 10:14 PM
05/11/17 10:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Glad you get to visit with your sister Ana. bravo

Two of my brothers called yesterday. I hardly ever get to talk with any of them. yes

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110167
05/12/17 05:36 AM
05/12/17 05:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
dragon Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready.
Connie have you named your kitten? catrub
Have a great day everyone! dragon


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110168
05/12/17 06:07 AM
05/12/17 06:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. If anyone wants to come over and help me pack I'd love it. I am a bit overwhelmed at how much I have to do. Oh well, a little at a time. Ana have a wonderful visit with your sister.

I need to get going. See you all after work.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110174
05/12/17 07:37 AM
05/12/17 07:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. WE're still trying to come up with the perfect name, leaning towards Buffy. Kitty is a buff colored male with blue eyes. catrub Dinner and Karaoke tonight at Mickey V's. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110178
05/12/17 08:54 AM
05/12/17 08:54 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers spring

Joe, enjoy your day!

Ana, Have a great time with your sister.

Gerry, tea this morning. Thanks.

Midgie, hope you get settled into your new place soon.

Connie, ah, enjoy your new little kitten.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! kitty


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110196
05/12/17 11:36 AM
05/12/17 11:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Boys will be here in a bit...before that will be some cleaning and hanging out. This weekend will be busy. We are going to Guardians of the Galaxy on Saturday and then The Tempest on Sunday.

Joe, that show was one of the best. Glad you got to visit with your brother. Was yesterday a special day of some sort? Or did they just want to visit?

Ana, enjoy your visit with your sister.

Gerry, how's life?

Midgy, I'd help ya if we were closer. How far away are you moving?

Connie, Buffy sounds adorable.

Gail, I hope your day is a good one wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110199
05/12/17 11:49 AM
05/12/17 11:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
morning all !

joe , sounds like you'll have a great weekend if your plans work

out - happy hunting tomorrow !

ana , enjoy !

gerry ,thanks for coffee - i need it today ! lol

midge - don't over stress - you have time - take care !

connie - " sandy " might work also as a name...?

gail - glad you're home and hope your tests gave you good info. i hate

tests !they make me tired from the traveling to and from.

l4l - wish we had those sorts of events here - i miss that sort of thing.


only plans for today are laundry and working on the journals,then

watering the garden and a walk. it will be a nice few days ahead

weather wise , so imma take advantage !

see you later ! catrub wave2

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110200
05/12/17 12:02 PM
05/12/17 12:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
All baby kitties accounted for this morning. One came out from under the table and I put him near the other 'big' cats for feeding. He immediately started eating DRY food. Nice. Wasn't very hungry so either mom nursed him or he ate all night. There was still some dry food in the dish when I went out. That's rare.

One of the raccoons managed to crawl up the fence, spent some time looking into my security camera, then onto the roof where he managed to make so much noise it was scary. Don't know how he got down, but the noises stopped. Not nice to be sleeping and hear 'something' crawling around on the roof above your head!

Dreary again today. They call it 'May Gray' and then we get 'June Gloom'. I'm ready for summer.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: Sorta Blonde] #1110220
05/12/17 05:07 PM
05/12/17 05:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110223
05/12/17 05:29 PM
05/12/17 05:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Sorta, glad the little one has found his appetite.

Welcome home, Space wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1110236
05/12/17 07:22 PM
05/12/17 07:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
smile Thanks looney


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110244
05/12/17 09:12 PM
05/12/17 09:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, tacos were a hit.

Off to soak in the tub and then hit the bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1110245
05/12/17 09:14 PM
05/12/17 09:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1110252
05/12/17 10:00 PM
05/12/17 10:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Good night SQF!

The weekend is here!!! joy

TGIF!!

Hope your day was a good one wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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