WINSTON CHURCHILL
I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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When I reached office late one morning, I got the message that someone called "Robert" had called for me from the bank regarding my company's current account.
Returning the call to my bank, the operator asked what Robert's last name was. I explained that he hadn't left his last name.
Then the operator asked for his department, and I said that I had no idea.
"There are 1250 employees in this building, sir," the operator informed me rather sharply.
So I asked her for her name.
"Bridgette," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "it's company policy not to give last names."
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Reginald and Penny were checking out their new villa. Reginald had paid for the house and he felt the urge to keep reminding his wife about it.
As they went to each room, he said to her, "Penny, if it were not for my money, we would not be here."
Penny kept quiet.
That evening, their new furniture was delivered, furniture which Reginald had paid for. After the furniture was set, they took another look at the house. As they saw the gloriously decorated house, Reginald reminded Penny, "If it were not for my money, this furniture would not be here."
Penny maintained her silence.
Later that evening, another vehicle delivered a state-of-the-art electronics system with home theater.
Again, Reginald could not help himself but remind Penny, "Sweetheart, it it were not for my money, this system would not be here."
Penny was not quiet this time. She replied, "Sweetheart, I don't want to make you feel bad, but...if it were not for your money, I wouldn't be here either!"
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Paul, the priest got himself a set of false teeth at the dental clinic.
The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he spoke for only five minutes.
The next Sunday, he spoke for only ten minutes.
The Sunday after that, he spoke for three hours.
The congregation had to fight him to get him down from the pulpit and they were curious to know what made him talk so much.
Priest Paul explained the first Sunday his gums hurt real bad, so he couldn't talk for more than five minutes.
The second Sunday was no better and he managed to speak for just about ten minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and found it impossible to shut up.
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Harry, a criminal who got a sentence of 25 years in prison was finding it impossible to pass time in the confinement of his cell. So he started training a Queen ant to perform some tricks. Weeks turned into months and months into years - but Harry continued to work on the ant day and night, for thousands of hours. It took 5 years for him to teach the ant to ride a one-wheel bike, another 5 to perform acrobatics, 5 more to sing songs from the "Sound of Music", and a couple of more years to dance like Michael Jackson.
"The day we get out of here," Harry said to the Queen ant, "we're going to explore the night-spots and make millions."
Finally the day arrived when Harry was released. A free man, Harry started out for the city with his friend, the Queen ant, safely placed inside a match box.
He went to a local bar to celebrate and to show off the talents of his trainee. Once seated at the bar, he placed the match box on the bar counter and out came the Queen ant. On prompting, it started break dancing.
"See this ant, eh?" he pointed out to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the bartender reached for a magazine, rolled it up and squished the Queen ant with a mighty swipe.
"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
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My daughter Maureen, realized she had finally turned into a mother, due to the following observations:
- She developed a habit of automatically double-knotting everything she tied.
- She found herself humming the Barney song as she did the dishes.
- The moment she would hear a baby cry in the grocery store, she would start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth, even though the children were at school!
- She actually began to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
- She wept through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to her.
- She got so involved with crafts that she was considering writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
- She would spend an hour looking for her glares only to have her little kid comment, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"
- She would be dining in a fine restaurant with her husband, when suddenly she would realize that she had reached over and started to cut up his steak!
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Jim was getting drunk at a pub with his old chum, Bob. Having had a rum too many, Jim started complaining about his mother-in-law, how he found her disgusting, bossy, pompous, intrusive, and unbearable.
Suddenly, Jim leaned over and confessed that he had to give the old gal credit for one thing. There was one instance in his life when he would have cut his throat if it weren't for her.
Bob, surprised by the sudden change of heart, asked "Really? What happened?"
Jim said, "She was using my razor."
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Good morning, and welcome to the weekend everyboomie.
Boy Friday would have been a great day to be out head hunting. It was cloudy, breezy, and cool all day.
Had to work though, so Saturday I'm heading out to the paw paw patch and dig around some more. I'll leave early and hopefully it won't heat up very fast. It's going down to 54 degrees tonight.
I have to leave early anyway, before I get sleepy and lay back down after breakfast.
I would have done that this morning if I could have.
Since I work Sunday, and Monday, I was thinking maybe I should stick around here Saturday and relax.
READ MY LIPS! Not gonna do it!
That's what I told myself when I looked in the mirror.
L4L my brothers just called to chat.
I hope you all have a happy day, and a wonderful weekend.
joe
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Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. 
Happy Mothers Day weekend to all Boomer moms! 
Have fun!
Once that happens, I should hopefully be able to resume my regular posting schedule. Until then, posting will most likely be sporadic. 
Hope you are also able to fit in that afternoon nap. 
