JOHN WOODEN
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
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Betty, who was pursuing her MBA in Finance at Harvard, had become too busy with her studies, classes, projects and part-time job.
She realized how long she had been out of touch with her parents when she received the following e-mail from her mother:
"Dear Betty, your father and I enjoyed your last e-mail. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Mom."
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Two women approach the King of Persia, dragging between them a young man called Arya.
"This young man promised to marry my daughter," said one of the women.
"No! Arya agreed to marry my daughter," said the other woman.
The two women kept on arguing in front of the King, until he called for silence.
The king announced, "I have a solution to your problem. I will cut this young man into two pieces with my sword. You will both receive a half."
"I am fine with the idea," said the first woman. But the other woman cried, "Oh King, please do not kill this man. Let the other woman have him and marry him to her daughter."
The wise king had taken his decision. He announced, "This young man, Arya must marry the daughter of the first lady."
"But that's unfair!" exclaimed the court.
The wise King said,"As she was willing to see the young man cut in two, it proves she is indeed the TRUE mother-in-law!"
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There guys were discussing the origins of human beings and where did Adam and Eve come from.
Jack, the British guy, said, "They have to be British, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman."
Pierre, the French guy claimed, "There is no doubt they were French. The French are so good at seducing women."
Bob, the American commented, "My guess is they were Russian. After all, who else could roam around naked, survive on one apple between the two of them and still feel they were in paradise?"
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Dean was recruited in police department as a car mechanic. One day, his superior told him to repair flashers on the top. Dean tried his best but could not get the flashers working. Finally, he took the car to a garage in the city.
Next day his superior inquired about the flashers. Dean said: “Yes boss, they are working fine now. But I had to take the car to the garage to get them working. I thought the mechanic there would fleece me. But all he did was to add 78 dollars worth of blinker fluid.”
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Danny was being tried for Bigamy in a court.
After the judge passed his sentence, he asked Danny, "Have you learnt your lesson and realized what a bad thing it is to have more than one wife."
"Yes, your honor, I have," he replied.
"What is it that you realized?" the judge asked.
Danny replied, "Having two wives means having two mothers-in-law, and that, in itself, should be grounds enough to support assisted suicide."
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There are 4 impatient men nervously pacing the floor of a nursing home, waiting for their wives to give birth.
A nurse comes of the delivery room and says to Robert, the first expectant dad, "Congratulations, you've twins!"
Robert says excitedly. "Oh! What a coincidence, I work at the Petronas Twin Towers".
Another nurse comes out of the room and tells the second expectant father, Mike, "Congratulations, your wife gave birth to triplets!"
"Wow!! What an amazing coincidence!" says Mike "I work for 3M."
Another nurse comes out of the room and tells the third expectant father, Jason, "Congratulations! Your wife has got quadruplets!"
Jason exclaims, "Oh my God! This has to be some coincidence. I work at Four Seasons Hotel!"
Meanwhile, Kumar, the fourth expectant father seems to be worried and breaks into a sweat.
The other 3 fathers ask him, "What's the matter? Why are you so worried?"
Kumar replies, "Well.... I work at Seven-Eleven!"
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Tina was walking down the street with her boyfriend. When the stoplight on the corner buzzed indicating it was safe to cross the street, while crossing the road she asked her boyfriend, "What is the buzzer for?"
Her boyfriend explained, "Well, it signals blind people when the light is green."
Horrified, she responded, "Why the heck would blind people drive??"
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Mrs. Smith, an old lady who lived in the countryside, had a peculiar habit. She would step onto her front porch every morning, raise her arms to the sky, and yell, "Praise the Almighty!"
Her new neighbor, Mr. Fowler who had just moved in, happened to be an atheist. Mr. Fowler didn't like Mrs. Smith's morning ritual. So, he would retaliate by stepping onto his front porch after her and shouting: "There's no Almighty!".
Time passed with the two of them carrying on the same way every day.
One morning, when it was bitter cold, Mrs. Smith stepped onto her front porch and yelled: "Praise the Almighty! I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Almighty!"
The next morning when she stepped out onto her porch, she saw a big bag of groceries lying there.
"Praise the Almighty!" she cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!"
Her atheist neighbor, Mr. Fowler jumped out of the bushes and shouted: "There is no Almighty. I bought those groceries!"
Mrs. Smith threw her arms into the air and shouted: "Praise the Almighty! He has provided groceries for me and made the Devil pay for it!!!"
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Paul had been to the doctor's and when he returned home, his wife Rita noticed he looked depressed.
Rita asked, "Hey, what's the problem? What did the Doctor say?"
Paul answered, "Dr. Mathews told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life."
Rita commented, "That's not a big deal. Lots of people take medicines every day of their lives."
Paul said in an irritated tone, "I know, I know....but he only gave me five pills!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
I don't remember ever saying that when I had to get up at 5:30 on a Sunday morning.
I work Sunday, and Monday, and then I'm off Tue, Wed, Thur.
Gee I hope I can get to where I can retire some day soon!
Saturday I went to the old sod farm, where they raise old sods, and I dug around for 4 hours, and I found a few points. One of them is real nice, like my first wife.
Not so much my second or third.
After 3 wives and seven kids, they can retire me to the old sod farm, yessiree!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Thanks Joe.
to all the great moms! 
Congrats on your finds! YOu have such an awesome collection.
