CAROL SISKIND
I can’t cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
Been there...
````````````````````
This funny incident happened right in front of my eyes.
I was in the Metro train in Washington DC when a young man, who seemed to have had a drink too many, flopped into an empty seat.
An old lady sitting next to him got agitated and remarked, "I can see your future.You are going to hell."
The inebriated guy jumped out of his seat, and yelled, "But I need to go to Pentagon city!"
````````````````
Derrick ran a small laundry shop but business was not good. His shop was next to the upscale 5-Spice Restaurant. Derrick's wife, Martha, would pack his lunch box with simple food that they could afford.
Everyday during lunch time, Derrick would sit in the garden in the back of his shop and eat his lunch. He would enjoy the tantalizing aroma that came from the restaurant next door. The restaurant's owner Mr. Anderson, would often notice Derrick having his lunch in his garden.
One day, Derrick received a bill from the 5-Spice restaurant. Derrick went to see Mr. Anderson to find out what the bill was for. He was told that the bill had been forwarded as Derrick was enjoying food of the restaurant and was therefore liable to pay for it.
When Derrick refused to comply to such a ridiculous demand, the matter went to Court.
The judge asked the restaurant owner to explain himself.
Mr. Anderson said, "This man who owns a small store next to my restaurant, has his lunch near my kitchen every day. He can be clearly seen smelling our food while eating his. Our rich food is giving value addition to the ordinary food that he eats, and we deserve to be compensated for it.
The judge then asked Derrick to explain himself.
Derrick remained quiet and put his hands in his pocket and played with the coins inside making rattling sounds.
The judge asked, "What are you doing?"
Derrick replied, "I am paying Mr. Anderson for the aroma of his food with the sound of my coins."
``````````````
Matteo and Antonio were cobblers in a small village near Sicily.
They were doing fine in their business. Matteo had been wanting to see the Pope for a long time, so one day he packed his bags and left for Rome.
Matteo returned after 2 weeks. Antonio could not wait to meet him and learn everything about his trip. So he rushed to Matteo's home and asked him, "Tell me Matteo, what is the Pope like?"
Matteo replied, "Size 38."
```````````````
Josie ran into her old friend Diana in a shopping mall.
After the usual pleasantries, Josie asked Diana, "Hasn't your son graduated in Commerce?"
Diana replied, "Yes, he has."
Josie asked, "So what does he do now?"
Diana replied, "He has joined a mens clothing store as a salesman."
Josie said, "A salesman? Is he good at his job?"
Diana smiled and said, "You ask if he is good. Let me tell you he is just too good! Why, the other day an old lady came to his store to purchase a suit to bury her dead husband in. Can you believe it, my son convinced her to buy an extra shirt for him!"
`````````````````
Rita : Darling, I need $500 for shopping.
Harry (a little upset): You need brains more than money.
Rita (retorting): I can only ask you for something that you have!
``````````````
Santa was getting married. Night before the D day, Banta told him: “Santa, I am giving you a million dollar advice. You have to kill the cat on the first night itself. Show her who is the boss around here. Make her follow your commands from day one. Otherwise she will be in charge.”
Santa: “But how do I do that?”
Banta: “Simple. Finish all your sentences with ‘or else…… or otherwise……’ when you ask her to do something. For example say- ‘Wife, bring me tea and make it quick or else…….’ “
Santa took the advice literally. On the very first night he ordered her sternly to bring milk with saffron. Thereafter he made it a habit to order her around and the threat was always there in the air. Even while going to bed he would say: “Come to bed pronto or else…….”
Santa’s wife was a simple and obedient woman. She could not understand Santa’s behavior. But she was intelligent and patient. She wisely decided to wait and watch for a few days and see how things turn. Things didn’t change. Santa continued his behavior and she continued to obey him. After about a month of this she decided that Santa was basically a good man and what he was doing was out of his character. And she decided to act, enough was enough.
One day Santa ordered: “Wife, prepare hot water bath for me ..otherwise…..”
Wife retorted: “Otherwise? Otherwise what?”
Santa was at a loss of words. He said: “Otherwise nothing. I will take a cold bath.”
Wife: “Then do.”
Santa did and they lived happily ever after.
``````````````````````
Mickey had spent a long time in the mental asylum. The doctors were checking his mental health and if deemed fit, he would be allowed to go.
One of the doctors asked, "If you see a train speeding towards you in this passage, what would you do?"
Mickey replied, "I would jump in my chopper and fly to safety."
The doc asked further, "And where did you find the chopper?"
Mickey replied, "The train delivered it last month!"
``````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend/part 2.
We got our storms last night. They woke me up, and Baby was very upset.
We had tornado warnings. A tornado was spotted close to Durant, but didn't do any serious damage that I've heard about. I never heard the warnings.
I heard several people say we got over 3" of rain, so I drove by the creek on my way home, and it's way up there.
Maybe.....
I'll be off Monday and Tuesday, and I'll be pretty busy.
Both days are supposed to stay below 80. Mid 70s I can handle.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Still recovering from the week, I suppose. 
I think I'll take it easy and game today, that is, after I go back to sleep with the lights and computer off this time. 
Good Morning Joe, Space, Ana, venus and all. Coffee and tea are ready. 
Thanks for the great spread Connie and Gerry 
Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! So very glad to hear no serious damage was done by the tornado! So scary! Hope your Sip-N-Surf Sunday at work goes easy peasy!
