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Monday #1111159
05/21/17 09:33 PM
05/21/17 09:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
FRANK W. ABAGNALE

If you believe you have a foolproof system you have failed to take into consideration the creativity of fools.

```````````

Ronnie goes to his lawyer, Mr. Shark and complains, "My neighbor Bonnie owes me $300 but does not intend to return it. Is there something I can do to recover it?"

Mr. Shark asks Ronnie, "Do you have any proof of the transaction?"

"No", replies Ronnie.

Mr. Shark advises, "Well then, write a mail to Bonnie asking him for the $600 he owes you."

Ronnie says, "But he owes me only $300!"

Mr. Shark replies, "I know. That's what he will write back to you and that will give us the evidence we need."

``````````````````

Two female teachers at a high school had a routine of sharing their coffee and snacks together during their morning break in the teacher's room. Each would bring a favorite snack and it would be shared between them.

The problem was a male teacher who would pass by while the ladies were taking their morning break. He would see the spread on the table and utter something like, "Wow, cookies!".

Then he would help himself without an invitation and would keep taking one snack after the other. This habit of his really irritated the two lady teachers as the male teacher never had the decency to offer anything nor had he ever asked if he could help himself.

Finally the lady teachers decided enough was enough, and they came up with a plan. One of them bought a doughnut, took out the custard and substituted it with mustard. When the male teacher came in the teacher's room that day, he helped himself to the only doughnut left on the plate as was his habit and left. He never said anything about the mustard, but never went to the teacher's room again when the female teachers were taking their snack break.

```````````````

Jerry got into a brawl with the class bully. The big bully, in a threatening tone, growled, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

Jerry, mustering enough courage, replied back, "You will regret it."

The bully said, "Really? And do you mind explaining why?"

Jerry replied, "I don't think you will be able to get into the corners very well."

```````````

Dean was sitting in his drawing room having a cup of coffee, quite at ease with himself. In comes his son with a plate in his hands containing two pastries. He sits opposite Dean and says: “Dad, tell me, how many pastries are there in my plate?”

Dean: “I can see two.”

Son: “No, there are three, I can prove it.”

Dean: “How?”

Son: “This one is one.” He then proceeded to point to the other and said: “This is two, right? And one plus two is three, isn’t it?”

Dean: “How clever of you, son? I am impressed. Now let’s see.”

He picked up one from the plate and said: “This one is for me,” picked up the second one and said: “This for your sister. You can have the third one for yourself.”

`````````````````

My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me.

"What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."

"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."

`````````````

A parson is congratulating a parishioner on his success at transforming an abandoned plot of land into a beautiful garden. ‘It’s wonderful what man can achieve with the help of the Almighty,’ says the parson.

‘Yes,’ replies the parishioner. ‘Mind you, you should have seen the state it was in when He had it all to Himself.’

``````````````

On Mother's Day, there was a family get-together and everyone was having a great time around the dinner table.

Later, when the Mother of the family started to wash the dishes, her newly-married daughter, Emily came up to her and said with a lot of concern, "Hey Mom - please don't bother with the dishes. Today is Mother's Day and you can't be doing this, you can always do them tomorrow."

````````````

What Santa taught me about Life
Encourage people to believe in you.
Always remember who's naughty and who's nice.
Don't pout.
It's as much fun to give as it is to receive.
Some days it's ok to feel a little chubby.
Make your presents known.
Always ask for a little bit more than what you really want.
Bright red can make anyone look good.
Wear a wide belt and no-one will notice how many pounds you've gained.
If you only show up once a year, everyone will think you're very important.
Whenever you're at a loss for words, say: "HO, HO, HO!"

`````````````

Tracy's television was not working, so she called in a repairman to fix it. When the repair guy was almost done with his job, Tracy heard her husband's key in the lock.

"Hurry," she urged the repairman, "You'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous."

There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console.

Tracy's husband, David came in and made himself comfortable in his favorite sofa to watch some football.

Inside the TV, the repairman was all squeezed up and getting hotter and hotter.

Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, he climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door.

The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?"

`````````````````

The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"

"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."

`````````````

Val, a Norwegian, had a son, Val Junior who was studying in the fourth grade. One day Val Junior returned from school and asked his father: “I have the biggest feet in the fourth grade, is it because I am a Norwegian?”

Val Senior: “No. It’s because you are eighteen.”

``````````````

Peter was walking down 35th Street in New York city when he was approached by a woman with a clipboard.

"Good morning, sir," she said. Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"

"Just a few minutes?" Peter asked.

"Just a few minutes," the woman replied.

"Okay," Peter said, "But we're not going to get much done."

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


Boy howdy I tell you working 3 days straight gets old after about 1 day. lol


I even worked a shorter day today because I went to work at 12:00 thinking my schedule said 12 to 8, when I was actually scheduled to go in at 8:00am and work till 4:00. shocked


I was thinking about Wednesday's schedule, instead of Sunday's. DOH! slapforehead


So I worked 6 straight hours today, instead of the 7 hours plus lunch that I was scheduled. smile


Shucks I missed 1 hour. snicker


Tuesday is dig and sift day at the sod farm. hamster


Wednesday is wade and strain day at the creek. penguin


Strain my eyes that is. eek


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 05/21/17 09:36 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111163
05/21/17 09:53 PM
05/21/17 09:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! Didn't they call you to ask where you are? I would hate having to keep track of a fluid schedule. I do better when it's a routine.

Have a happy day all! Still in the corner. Need a day to play!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111187
05/22/17 04:41 AM
05/22/17 04:41 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready. A Rainy day ahead.
Wishing you all a Happy Day! spring


Gerry
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111196
05/22/17 07:31 AM
05/22/17 07:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111216
05/22/17 09:53 AM
05/22/17 09:53 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I know what you mean about work getting old after one day. lol

Ana, fluid schedules are a pain; I have to deal with them as well. crazy I agree with you about routines being better. Hope you are able to have a play day soon!

Stay dry, Gerry. smile

Have a wonderful Monday also, Connie, and thanks for the delicious food. smile

The nice part about my second job is that I can rearrange most of my schedule, except for the group projects. So I moved the three small projects I had scheduled today to other days throughout the week, and I have the day off today. happydance (It actually works out better this way, since I have an unusual Saturday project that can't be moved, possibly even a Sunday one as well. rolleyes)

So, today, I'm meeting my mom for lunch, and then she's going with me to help pick out a new computer. joy Even though I've been holding off, it's time I got a Windows 10 for the newer games, although I'm going to see if I can get a duel boot and put Windows 7 in there as well. grin

And now I'm off to have a small breakfast and maybe watch a video. Have a great Monday, everyone. spring


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111220
05/22/17 10:18 AM
05/22/17 10:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Gerry, how's things?

Connie, have a wonderful day!

Venus, glad you are able to rearrange your schedule sometimes. Enjoy your day off and happy computer shopping! May I suggest you have one made rather than off the shelf. Cheaper and better with no bloatware! Glitches can help you if you need assistance.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111221
05/22/17 10:22 AM
05/22/17 10:22 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning.Rain here on and off all day. I have to go to the grocery store and get more boxes. I get the egg boxes because they are so sturdy. How is everyone today? I hope you all are doing good. Thanks Connie for my fav breakfast. Yum.

Time to get going. Have a great day all. Pay it forward for someone.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111222
05/22/17 10:52 AM
05/22/17 10:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks for the advice, Ana. We're planning to go to Best Buy, so not sure if they do this? Either way, I'll mention it to my mom and see if she knows of anywhere around else here we can go instead that would do this. If not, I do at least know how to get rid of the excess programs I don't need. However, it would be nice to find something cheaper and to my specifications if possible. yes

It looks like it wants to rain here, too, Midge. Hope your grocery store trip goes well, and that you're able to stay dry. smile

Last edited by venus; 05/22/17 10:53 AM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111223
05/22/17 10:58 AM
05/22/17 10:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Supposed to have rain later. I hope it holds off til I get back from the vet. Skywalker has a routine appointment..heartworm test and a few shots. Trying to catch up on appointments now that I'm back from daughter's.


Son is off so he can go to Per's award day. Kids get out of school this week. I won't be surprised if Per is here when I get back from vet to spend the day with dad.

Joe, Love the quote. Unfortunately, it is true.

Ana, hope you get that play day soon.

Gerry wavegirl

Connie, thanks for the yummies.

luck Venus, hope you find what you want.

Midgy, hope you find all the boxes you need.

Back after the vet wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111229
05/22/17 11:40 AM
05/22/17 11:40 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
venus, Best Buy doesn't do it. They are usually mail order places. Glitches can recommend. I did mine, it was great!

L4L, hope the vet visit goes well!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111231
05/22/17 12:04 PM
05/22/17 12:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, L4L. Hope Skywalker's appointment goes well. puppy

Thanks, Ana, I guessed that they probably wouldn't, oh well. smile I'm leaving to meet my mom soon, so don't have time to post in Glitches unfortunately. I'll see if I can search for your thread anyway to get an idea. smile I know that New Egg used to to things like this, but not sure if they do anymore. smile

EDIT: Hi, Ana, when did you buy your computer? I'm having trouble finding the thread with the search function.

EDIT 2: Have to run. Wish me luck. grin wave I'll continue to check the thread on my phone, provided I have good Wi-Fi. smile

Last edited by venus; 05/22/17 12:28 PM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday [Re: venus] #1111265
05/22/17 04:11 PM
05/22/17 04:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I hope things went well with Skywalker looney. puppy

Good luck with the computer shopping Venus. It will be great for you to be able to run all the new games. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111270
05/22/17 04:47 PM
05/22/17 04:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hi ya Space, Sky's visit was fine. He just had to get his heartworm test which was negative and some vaccinations.

Home to find the boys. Played some games with the family and now think I'm "done" for the day. Time for a calming cup of tea. Though I might make dinner.

How was work?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111279
05/22/17 07:19 PM
05/22/17 07:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Moanday Monday everybody laugh

shocked Oh my Joe...I thought you had the day off today

Well you and I survived and tomorrow is another day!

Wishing you all a quiet evening wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Monday [Re: soot] #1111292
05/22/17 09:19 PM
05/22/17 09:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1] #1111299
05/22/17 10:35 PM
05/22/17 10:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, Space Quest. wave

Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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