OSCAR WILDE
I can resist everything except temptation.
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An employer was taking interview of a prospective candidate.
Employer: “Have you ever worked anywhere else?”
Candidate: “Yes, sir.”
Employer: “For how long?”
Candidate: “Twenty years.”
Employer: “And how old are you?”
Candidate: “Twenty five years, sir.”
Employer: “How is it possible that you are all of twenty five and you have worked for twenty years?”
Candidate: “I was taking overtime into consideration, sir.”
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Rosy said to her husband, "Tim, could you please fix the mailbox for me?"
Tim asked, "What happened to the mailbox?"
Rosy replied, "The post is beginning to rot. It needs a new post, but save the box."
Tim said, "All right, let me see what I can do."
When Tim walked to the end of the driveway, he realized that the post to the mailbox was indeed in bad shape. To free the box from the post, he pulled out all the nails except for one that had rust on it and just wouldn't come out. He wrapped his arms around the box in a bear hug and began trying to yank it off.
Just then a passerby, who noticed the entire episode, commented, "I tried that but it doesn't work. The bills just keep on coming!"
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When Peter found that his printer was giving faded prints, he took it to a local repair store dealing in computers and printers. A friendly guy at the counter told Peter that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. The counter guy further said that the store charged $40 for such services, and therefore, it would be a better idea for Peter to read the printer's manual and try doing the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his openness, Peter asked, "Is your boss aware that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the guy at the counter replied sheepishly. "We make a lot more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things on their own first."
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A policeman at a traffic junction noticed a jay walker and decided to catch him.
The policeman said, "Can you explain why you are trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 25 meters away?"
'Well,' replied the jay walker, "I hope it's having better luck than me."
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While giving a bath to Neel, my 4-year-old son, I was applying shampoo to his hair and noticed how fast his hair was growing.
I mentioned this to him and told him he needed a haircut again.
Pondering over the problem, he came up with a solution and said, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."
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Jacob was fast asleep in bed with his wife Naomi. Suddenly, Naomi woke him up and said, "Please close the window. It’s cold outside."
Jacob groaned and turned over.
Naomi nudged him again and insisted, "Please close the window. It’s cold outside."
Jacob forced himself up and shut the window. "Does that make it warm outside?"
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I was impressed by my nephew's vocabulary and said to him, "Joe, you are wonderful with words!"
Only five years old, my nephew responded, "I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
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War jokes
1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.
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A really funny joke to share with you.
A British dude asked a Scottish guy, "What would you have been born as, had you not been born a Scot?"
The Scottish guy replied, "Maybe English!"
Then the British dude asked an Irish guy, "And what would you have been born as, had you not been born Irish?"
The Irish guy replied, "I would be ashamed of myself!"
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Jim, who was about to retire from work, was gifted a set of golf clubs by his colleagues.
Wanting to learn the game, he approached a professional for guidance, clarifying that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The professional showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
Jim, the trainee teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?", Jim asked the dumbfounded professional.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the professional finally managed to mutter.
Jim replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
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Danny, a college student, also worked as a part-time pizza delivery boy.
One day he arrived at Mr. Thompson's residence to deliver pizza.
After taking the pizza, Mr. Thompson asked Danny, "How much tip do you get normally?"
"Well," replied Danny, "this is my first trip to your place, but the other boys say if I can manage to get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing just fine."
"Is that so?" said an offended Mr. Thompson, "Well, just to prove them wrong, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied Danny, "I'll put this in my college fund."
"What are you studying in college?" asked Mr. Thompson.
Danny gave a quick smile and said, "Applied psychology."
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Good morning everyboomie.
If it's Tuesday, it must be my second day off.
Soot, one problem with posting a day's diner the night before is that I'm saying good morning for that day, and then telling you about my day that preceded that day.
Like my work schedule, I get confused about what day it is sometimes.
Speaking of my day......Monday.....I had a good day, but I worked my tail off to find one point.
Fortunately it was a breezy day, and we had cloud cover for a bunch of it.
Now tomorrow........Tuesday......I'll have a cooler day, with possible showers to walk the hot swampy creek.
It's great to get out and really grab life by the tail and live.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
It had to be ordered, however, so I won't be setting anything up just yet. 
The computer has 12 gig of ram and 2 terabytes of hard drive space, so I'll have plenty of power and room for my games. 
Doing anything fun tonight?
