ANDRÉ GIDE
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
``````````
Signs You are Addicted to the Internet
* You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.
* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
````````````
When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."
`````````````
A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I assumed that most French would speak English. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.
"No," I admitted.
"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train."
```````````
David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears incomplete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace, Victoria admiringly watching her husband.
After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse round the neck shouting for it to stop.
Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck.
David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.
Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse!
`````````````
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping off the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland !''
The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!''
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person I land on!''
```````````
Justin, a city kid went on his first camping trip with the scouts. He was eating his lunch under the shade of a tree when an old man came along.
'It smells like rain,' the old man said to the boy.
Justin replied, 'They told me it was lemonade.'
```````````
A desperate pilot contacts tower to say, "I am in a situation - 400 miles from land, 500 feet over water and fast running out of fuel. Please give instructions! "
"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"
````````````
Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?
Because she has only one arm raised.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.
`````````````
Waiting in Line
I am listing below a host of reasons to thank to all the hyper-markets like Wal-Mart, K-Mart, for having 20 to 25 checkout lanes and only four open at any given point of time.
- Waiting in long queues keeps my domestic brain from going completely redundant - there's so much to discover!
- I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.
- I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the 16 things on my list I forgot.
- I can be one of those irritating cell phone users and catch up on all my phone calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law, and Auntie Daisy.
- I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive home.
- I can assess what other people have in their carts and get exciting new dinner ideas.
- I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty of drying time.
- I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.
- I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my purse.
- I can practice my standup comedy routines on unsuspecting fellow customers.
- I can practice some standing yoga poses and then do those isometric muscle-contracting exercises no one else in line is supposed to know you're doing.
- I can taste test my package of the newest low-carb, zero-transfat, Splenda-saturated cookies.
- I can breathe heavily on my T-bones so they're defrosted in time for dinner and I won't have to leave them out on the driveway in the hot late afternoon sun as I normally do.
````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you're all enjoying your weekend.
It rained all night here. Not heavy rain, just light showers.
We have storms in the forecast all the way through Monday.
It was overcast and cooler all day. I took the dogs out to the park at about 10:00, and then came back home and relaxed all day.
Unfortunately I work Sunday and Monday, then off T, W, T, F.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend everybody.
Have a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope the rains help you find some points! 
Might get that project done today depending on the weather...time will tell 
