ALBERT CAMUS
We need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive.
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Do you know what are the three most dangerous things in aviation (in that order):
1. A doctor in a Cessna.
2. Two captains in a 737 or DC-9.
3. On-board fire
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A landing signal officer (LSO) shouts at a novice fighetr pilot after his 8th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
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Ron's terribly overweight and his doctor put him on a diet plan. His wife Carla has to keep an eye on him so he doesn't indulge himself.
On his birthday, he helps himself to a large piece of chocolate cake, and his wife reprimands him for asking for me.
Ron protests, "Don't you see, I can resist everything except temptation."
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Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?
Little Johnny: It's H2O
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.
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Laurel: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
Hardy: To take a nap?
Laurel: No, to make a long-distance caw.
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The Dalai Lama goes to a vendor selling hamburgers and says, "I want one with everything."
The vendor gives him one and says, "Four bucks."
The Dalai Lama hands him a $5 bill, and waits for the vendor to give him the change but the vendor seems to be ignoring him.
The Dalai Lama finally asks, "Where's my change?"
The burger vendor replies, "Change only comes from within."
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Tina asks Bill, "Will you love me when I'm old and graying?"
Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"
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Ronald, a scientist by profession, was anti-God. He had a chance to meet God and said, "Well, you are not needed any more, we have come up with a way to create humans without you."
God smiled and said, "All right, let me see you do it."
Ronald bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful of mud .
God stopped him and said, "Wait a minute. Get your own dirt!"
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My five-year-old boy, Neel, loves to sit on his grandfather's lap and listen to stories read out to him. One day, after his grandfather had told him the story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of different animals to the safety of the ark, Neel asked, "Grandpa, you are so old, I am sure you were also in Noah's ark, were you?"
His grandfather replied, "No, my dear".
Neel asked, "But, how is it that you survived the flood?"
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John, the pharmacist was helping an aged patient in going through the directions on a prescription bottle.
John said, "Please be sure not to take this more often than every 3 hours."
"Oh, don't worry about that," replies the aged patient. "It always takes 3 hours for me to get the lid off".
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A few more OXYMORONS for you to enjoy
**Sweet sorrow
**"Now, then..."
**Synthetic natural gas
**Peace force
**Temporary tax increase
**Computer security
**Plastic glasses
**Terribly pleased
**Political science
**Definite maybe
**Military Intelligence
**Resident alien
**Advanced BASIC
**Genuine imitation
**Same difference
**Almost exactly
**Business ethics
**Twelve-ounce poundcake
**New classic
**Passive aggression
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Good morning everyboomie.
If it's Tuesday, and it is, then this must be the Thursday diner.
I'm only kidding.
Everybody knows Monday follows Tuesday.........when you're walking backwards.
Sorry I'm all confused because I've been sleeping with my head at the foot of the bed.
I sleep that way because I'd rather have my feet on the pillows.
Things are so backwards for me it's a good thing I'm not married, otherwise I would constantly be saying, Not tonight dear, I have a foot ache.
I'm heading out early Wed, to the sod farm. I want to get a jump on the sun.
I hope you all have a happy day.
joe
acebook
witter
Since my hours for my second job are a bit more flexible, I've decided I'm going to get up at 5 instead of 4, so I can "sleep in" a bit. 
