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Jokes. #1112920
06/06/17 02:41 AM
06/06/17 02:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
These are old jokes that I sent to a previous puzzle page that Sue found for me.
Thanks Sue.

-1.A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "T---'- ------e!”

-2.Walking past the big wooden fence around the insane asylum, a guy hears everyone inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
His curiosity piqued, he finds a hole in the fence and looks inside.
All of a sudden a finger shoots through the hole and pokes out his eye, and the inmates start wildly chanting, "--------!--------!————!"

3.A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I d---'- n--- o-- t---.”

-4.After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The m------ of d----s"

-5.When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on --e p----.

6.Medical definition:HUMERUS: To t--- us w--- we n--- to h---.

-7.Medical definition:DILATE: To ---e - ---- l---.

8.Medical definition:BUNION ----'- n---.

-9.Did you hear the one about the student who got a hundred
in geometry without studying? He knew all --e a---e-.

-10.A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookup for sixteen h------d c-------s.

lol


Last edited by curly; 06/07/17 02:18 AM.

If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112923
06/06/17 03:44 AM
06/06/17 03:44 AM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 9,303
Deepest darkest Norfolk, Engla...
bermag45 Offline
BAAG Specialist
bermag45  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 9,303
Deepest darkest Norfolk, Engla...
10. Hardened criminals lol Hi Curly wave

Bernie monky

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112924
06/06/17 03:53 AM
06/06/17 03:53 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
Thanks Bernie. Morning.


If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112928
06/06/17 06:27 AM
06/06/17 06:27 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 16,715
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Redz Offline
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Redz  Offline
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Posts: 16,715
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
1. That's strange lol

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112931
06/06/17 07:33 AM
06/06/17 07:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
Hi Joan, thanks.


If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112932
06/06/17 07:37 AM
06/06/17 07:37 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 15,006
Ohio
michele rose Offline
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Posts: 15,006
Ohio
7. To live a long life lol

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112933
06/06/17 07:43 AM
06/06/17 07:43 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 17,630
The Outer Limits
Cue Offline
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Cue  Offline
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Posts: 17,630
The Outer Limits
4. The Meaning of Dreams lol Morning Curly


Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112937
06/06/17 08:06 AM
06/06/17 08:06 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
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manxman  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
9. the angles wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Jokes. [Re: manxman] #1112942
06/06/17 08:35 AM
06/06/17 08:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,228
near Yosemite
Marian Offline
Global Moderator
Marian  Offline
Global Moderator
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 48,228
near Yosemite
3. I didn't need one then smile

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112943
06/06/17 08:36 AM
06/06/17 08:36 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
Morning, thanks.


If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112957
06/06/17 10:31 AM
06/06/17 10:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
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GBC  Offline
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Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
2. fourteen, fourteen, fourteen

Morning curly, wavegirl


Gail
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112962
06/06/17 11:16 AM
06/06/17 11:16 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,944
Nova Scotia
Flo NS Offline
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Flo NS  Offline
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Nova Scotia
5. the phone

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1112967
06/06/17 12:07 PM
06/06/17 12:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
Morning, merci.


If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1113032
06/06/17 09:05 PM
06/06/17 09:05 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 15,006
Ohio
michele rose Offline
Graduate Boomer
michele rose  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 15,006
Ohio
8. Paul's name haha

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1113036
06/06/17 10:17 PM
06/06/17 10:17 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
3. I didn't need one then. wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1113038
06/06/17 10:55 PM
06/06/17 10:55 PM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,032
California
Sondi Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sondi  Offline
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Posts: 5,032
California
6. To tell us what we need to hear. grin

wave

Re: Jokes. [Re: curly] #1113048
06/07/17 02:17 AM
06/07/17 02:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
curly Offline OP
Sonic Boomer
curly  Offline OP
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 46,938
Ottawa Ontario CANADA
Thanks all.


If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
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