Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
JIM ROHN
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There was this group of old ladies who met at a club every weekend to play bridge.
Half way through the game, One lady Elsa exclaimed, "Oh no! I am late. I have to get back home & prepare dinner for my husband, Gilbert. If I do not reach home before he is back from work, all hell will break lose!
When Elsa reached home, she realized there was only a loaf of bread and two eggs in the kitchen. Since there was no time to go to the store to buy stuff, she searched the cupboard and found a can of cat-food. As she could not think of anything else, she made some sandwiches with the egg and the cat-food just as Gilbert entered the door.
She watched in disgust as Gilbert wolfed down the sandwich. Expecting to be reprimanded, she was surprised when Gilbert announced that this was the best sandwich she had ever made for him and that she should make it more often.
So Elsa made her husband the cat-food sandwich every time she went out with the old gals to play bridge. When she told her bridge mates about it, they were shocked! One of them said, "But he could die!"
After three months, Gilbert died.
When the old women met the next time for a game, one of them said to Elsa, "He died because of you. We had warned you against giving him cat-food but you did not listen. How could you be so calm enjoying the game knowing that he died because of you?!"
Elsa replied, "I am not responsible. He fell off a tree trying to catch a sparrow."
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Betty was at home with her dad when she suddenly noticed her boyfriend Rob at the gate.
Betty said to Rob, "Did you come to borrow the book titled DAD DOESN'T LIKE IT by Roger Brown"
Rob replied, "No, I wanted to borrow the book SHOULD I WAIT FOR U IN THE PARK by Ruchi Mukherjee?"
Betty said, "I do not have that book. I suggest you borrow the one titled AT THE COFFEE SHOP by Nazir Hussain."
Rob said, "Ok, please also get THE SOONER THE BETTER by Cindy Chan."
Betty replied, "No problem. I will also fetch WON'T LET U DOWN by Ojas Patel."
Betty's dad said, "Don't tell me he is going to read all those books."
Besst said, "He will dad. He's very smart."
Dad barked, "All right. Just remember to add the book titled DO U THINK I AM STUPID! by James Bond."
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Ben, a property agent, was showing a condo to a couple, Mr. & Mrs. Jones, who wanted to occupy the property on rent.
Ben asked, "Are you both employed?"
The couple nodded in unison.
Ben asked, "Children?"
Mrs Jones, replied, "Three. Ages six, eight & nine."
Ben asked, "Animals?"
Mrs. Jones replied, "No no. They are all decent and well behaved children."
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Dennis, a salesman at a clothing store, was a big flirt. He had often been warned for flirting with customers but he was not one to give up so soon.
One day, a pretty young thing came to the store and selecting a dress material, asked him, "How much for this fabric material for a new gown?"
Dennis replied, "For you, it's a kiss a meter."
The girl, shocked by this rude reply, quickly recovered and said, "Ok, I will take 12 meters then."
Dennis, not believing his good luck, quickly measured and wrapped the fabric. Then holding the parcel out to her, he looked at her with naughty eyes.
The girl, snatching the parcel from him and pointing towards an old man, said, "My grandfather will settle the bill."
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When there was loud thunder and lightening, little Joey was rudely woken out of his slumber and he ran to his parents' bedroom.
His father tried to comfort him by saying, "There's no need to be scared of thunder & lightening. It's just some sound & flash that God makes when he is displeased with someone telling a lie."
Little Joey asked,"But why is God making those sounds at this hour? It's past midnight and everyone is fast asleep."
His father said, "Yes that's right, my son. But this is the time when newspapers get printed!"
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Mehta Travels, a travel agency based in India, advertised an attractive package to enhance sales. They offered a free ticket for the spouse on the purchase of one ticket to Europe. Undoubtedly, the scheme was a huge success with men buying the package trip and sales multiplied.
When the scheme ended, Mehta travels sent letters to the wives asking for feedback on the vacation.
All of them replied, "What vacation?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
I hope all of yous guy's Hump Days went well.
Mine was pretty good. I got up at 5:00am, and was at the sod farm by 6:30.
I need to have my head examined because I stayed out there until 2:30, but I wasn't finding anything. After a couple of hours I found a heart breaking half point.
By the time I found a full point, I had been there about 7 hours.
I'm so happy I bought a big straw hat. It was a VH & VH day. Very hot and very humid.
Anyway I ended up finding a couple of whole points, and several broken ones.
Thursday I have no plans. I think I'll just let the day run me.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus, niteowl and everyone. All that heat and humidity and you were rewarded Joe! Nice! Ana, venus and niteowl enjoy your day. Coffee and tea are ready. 
We need a sweating buckets smilie
