WILFORD A. PETERSON
Laughter is the best medicine for a long and happy life. He who laughs....lasts!
````````````````
A man walked into a store.
The store owner asked him, "What do you want, Sir?'
The man replied, "I need optimism, toughness, the will to fight the evils of the world, the power to confront injustices."
The store owner replied, "Here you are sir, a bottle of premium whisky, and some chips to go with it."
`````````````````
Rita to Tina, "It's my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow."
Tina, "Cool. What are you giving him?"
Rita, "I was about to ask you that. What should I give him?"
Tina, "Is he rich?"
Rita, "Yes, he is."
Tina, "Then give him my number!"
```````````````
Peter said to his wife Claudia, "You will not believe what happened today! I bought an old lamp at the junkyard sale and guess what? I rubbed it and out came a genie!"
Claudia said excitedly, "Really?? Did you ask for anything?"
Peter replied, "Yes i did. I asked for your intelligence to be enhanced ten times."
Claudia said, "Oh! That's so sweet of you."
Peter retorted, "Yeah, but I forgot anything multiplied by zero remains zero."
``````````
Roger shouted at his neighbor Rick, "Can you ask your dog to shut up. He has been barking non-stop since several hours. I have a severe headache from last night's drinking and trying hard to catch a wink."
Rick replied, "I am sure my dog will calm down as soon as you vacate his kennel."
````````````
Sam asks his friend Fred, "What are the first signs of old age?"
Fred replies, "Wrinkles?"
Sam says, "No."
Fred says, "Hair loss?"
Sam says, "No."
Fred asks, "Medicines?"
Sam says, "No."
Fred asks, "Then what??"
Sam replies, "When your wife stops suspecting you!"
````````````
Andre staggers into the bar, completely sloshed. He asks the bar attendant for a beer and says to him, "I can share a technique with you which will help you sell twice the amount of beer."
The bar attendant asks, "Wow, what is it?"
Andre replies, "Nothing complicated. You simply have to pour full glasses."
`````````````
Carla said to her husband, "Rick, let's go to see the circus."
Rick dismissed her immediately by saying, "No, I am busy."
Carla insisted, "C'mon, do you know they have a girl in the circus who rides a lion without clothes!"
Hearing this, Rick agrees and says, "You are very persistent. Okay, let's go, it's been a long time since I have seen a lion."
Rick bought the most expensive seats in the first row. The lion arrived on stage and did some antics but the girl without the clothes was not to be seen anywhere.
After the show, Rick asked Carla, "What happened to the girl you mentioned who would perform without clothes?"
Carla glared at him and replied, "I had said that the lion will appear without clothes!"
````````````
Bubba was making tall promises to his wife and trying to prove how much he loves her.
Bubba's wife says to him, "If you love me so much, go hunt a tiger for me. I want to decorate our living room with tiger's skin."
Bubba says to her, "Be reasonable darling. How do I hunt a tiger? Tell me something easier."
Bubba's wife says, "Okay, then show me your Whatsapp messages."
Bubba replies, "Do you want a regular striped tiger or a White one?"
```````````
Joseph says to his hostel roommate, "Alex, I have been cheated!"
Alex said, "Who cheated you? How?"
Joseph replied, "My own parents! I asked them to send me money for books, and guess what did they send me........books!!"
```````````
It was Juan's 35th birthday and he was celebrating with friends. One of his friends, Pepe asked him, "You should get married now. Haven't you found a woman?"
Juan replied, "Well, over the years, I have brought many girlfriends home to meet my mom but she didn't like anyone."
Pepe said "That's an age old problem, but I know the solution. Get a girl who is just like your Mom."
Juan meets Pepe again after a couple of weeks and Pepe asks him, "Well how is it going? Did you find a girl your Mom would like?"
Juan replied without enthusiasm, "Ya I did. She is just like Mom. And Mom was all praises for her."
Pepe asked, "Then what's the trouble dude? Why the long face?"
Juan replied, "Dad doesn't like her."
```````````
Laurel: Who is this boy?
Hardy: He is my distant brother.
Laurel: What do you mean by that??!
Hardy: Well, there are seven other brothers between us.
`````````````
When Alex was appointed the new in-charge of the mental hospital, he asked his subordinate to take him around the hospital premises for orientation.
In one of the corridors, Alex saw a man in torn clothes running towards him shouting, "Julia, Julia!!"
Alex asked the subordinate, "What is wrong with him?"
The subordinate replied, "This guy was in love with a girl called Julia but could not marry her. He was so disheartened that he lost his mind. He has been like this ever since."
When they were in another part of the hospital, Alex saw another disoriented man running haywire and screaming, "Julia! Julia!"
Alex looked at his subordinate questioningly and the subordinate quickly replied, "Well, he is the man who married Julia."
```````````
Alex went to the salon and asked the owner, "Hey Max, how long would I have to wait for a haircut?"
Max looked at the customers waiting and replied, "About an hour". On hearing this, Alex left.
He returned next week and asked Max, "Hey, how long is the waiting time for a haircut?"
Max looked at the customers already waiting, and replied, "About an hour." Alex left.
The week after that, Alex came again and asked the same question, "Hey Max, how long would I have to wait for a haircut?"
Max replied, "An hour or so." Alex left quietly.
Max was intrigued and asked a friend in the shop, "Paul, do me a favour. Please follow that guy and see where he goes."
Paul returned in a while and could not stop laughing. Max asked, "Well this has to be funny. So where did he go??"
Paul replied, "Your home!!"
````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Monday, happy happy Monday.
Those aren't the exact words I had in mind, but they rhyme with happy.
I have not been looking forward to this week at all. I have a hot date with a Gastro-
enter-ologist and a colonoscopy.
There ain't no feeling as special as that of a camera snaking it's way around your plumbing like a rat in a maze, and taking snap shots like a tourist.
Some doctors are so interested in me they want to get to know me inside and out.
What an epicurean delight it will be to feast for a whole day on j-e-ll-OH boy, and then drink a gallon of the nectar of the gods, and then scream "Oh God, make it stop!!!"
So......no......not really looking forward to ummmm, that stuff.
ANA!!! If I were running a race, and I looked down and saw an arrowhead on the ground, the finish line would never lay eyes on me. I would stop right there and look for them till the cows come home.
How can there be arrowheads everywhere when there are so many hundreds of arrowhead hunters combing the countryside looking for them?
Did you have good time in the race? Did you have a good time?
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Setting up the new computer is taking a lot of work, and it's still far from being done. I'm back on the original computer for the time being, which already has all of my preferences in place. 
