HELEN KELLER
Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
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Dean was suffering from bad health for some time. His eyes bulged out, his throat was swollen and he made peculiar sounds when he spoke.
The doctor declared that Dean did not have long to live. Undaunted, Dean decided to live life king size till the end. He ordered the best wines and food. He went to a tailor and ordered new shirts, trousers and suit. The tailor suggested 16 size collar. Dean insisted that he would prefer to have size 14 as he always wore that size.
The tailor suggested: “Fine sir, if you insist, I can give you size 14, but I must warn you that your size is 16. If I give you 14, your eyes will bulge out, your throat will swell and you will make croaking sound when you speak."
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Little Tommy was sitting on the toilet. His mother thought he was taking too long, so she went into the bathroom to check on him. Tommy was there sitting on the toilet seat reading a book. But every few seconds, he would put the book down, grab the toilet seat with one hand, and hit himself on top of the head with the other hand. His mother found this strange and asked: "Tommy, are you okay? You've been in here for a while." Little Tommy replied, "I'm fine, mom, I just haven't done my potty yet." His mother said, "That's all right, sweety, you can stay here for some more time, but why do you keep hitting yourself on the head?" Little Tommy replied: "Works for ketchup."
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A village was facing a problem of speeding cars resulting in accidents every now and then.
The local council could not afford a speed camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People's Home. It had no effect.
At the next meeting, it was decided to work on the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger - Children at Play.
No discernible reduction in traffic speed.
Then the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try a sign with:
Clothes Free Colony.
As a result of the notice, white vans and lorries crawl throughout the village now.
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Anita gave birth to a healthy baby boy. An old aunt who came to visit her, noticed that the baby had flaming red hair. "I see that you have black hair", she said to Anita, "What color is the fathers' hair?". "I have no idea", answered Anita, "He was wearing a hat".
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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."
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The blind date hadn't been all that great and Susan was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear. She took one look and said, "Nice design. Does it also come in men's sizes?"
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Martin was working in a small town as branch manager of a financial institution. The rule stipulated that if a branch manager of a small branch needed leave for some reason, he had to inform the nearest city office which would send a substitute to take charge of the town office. Martin’s wife got sick and he needed leave for a few days. The city office received a cable which read: “Wife sick, send substitute for a week.”
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A big boned, burly college student decided to try his hand at football so he approached the coach. The coach wanted the boy to tackle the football. The boy ran smack into an electric pole and shattered it. The coach, now impressed asked him to run and the boy ran zigzag like a deer runs for its life.
“That’s really nice. But can you pass the ball? That’s what counts.” said the coach.
The boy was thoughtful while the coach was waiting. Finally he said: “It’s like this sir. If I can swallow it, I guess I can pass it too.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
How is the world treating everybody today?
I hope it's treating me 'cool' today. I didn't get to go to the sod farm yesterday. I got up at 6:00 and looked outside and it was raining. I looked at the radar and there was a huge mass of rain coming our way. and it rained for several hours, so I didn't go.
We have a 30% chance of rain today, but I doubt we'll get any, so planning on going today.
It's going to be warmer though.
I hope your day is what you wish.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe wishing you a cool day for hunting. Ana have fun with James. Venus I watched Orphan Black last night. Love the show sorry it's in the final season. Coffee and tea are ready. 
Just hope the dogs don't catch a leprechaun!
