Winston Churchill
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
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Mr. Smith, neighbor to the Martins, found that their tomcat named Dennis was running all around the neighborhood, on footpaths, in dark alleys, on the rooftops. Mr. Smith called Mr. Martin and asked, "Is everything all right with your cat? He has been running around like crazy."
Mr. Martin replied, "Nothing to worry. Dennis has been neutered today, he must be running around cancelling appointments."
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Two NatGeo enthusiasts, Gary and Robbie, were exploring the jungles, when a big tiger sprang out of the bushes in front of them.
Gary whispered to Robbie, "Stay calm! Don't move."
Robbie asked Gary if he remembered what they had seen about tigers on NatGeo. Gary replied, "Yes, I do. If you stand still and look the tiger in the eye, he will turn around and go away."
Robbie said, "Yes, I have seen it on NatGeo. You have seen it on NatGeo. But has the tiger seen it on NatGeo?"
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"Wow", said an eagle to another, "Did you notice that speed of that jet plane? Isn't that something?"
The other eagle, clearly unimpressed, said, "Big deal! You would be flying at the same speed if your tail was on fire!"
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A guy had a racehorse named Karma. Karma had never won a race and his owner was pretty mad about it. There was another race coming up and the owner warned Karma,"If you do not win this race today, you will have to pull a milk-wagon from tomorrow morning."
The race begins, and all horses started off with a bang....but wait a minute, there was Karma, fast asleep at the starting point of the track. The furious owner kicked him and asked, "Why the hell are you sleeping??"
Karma replied, rudely awaken from his slumber, replied "Just resting so I can get up at 4 in the morning."
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Mrs. Thatcher was seated at the park when she noticed a man take the leash off his dog so that the dog could roam around freely in the park. She said to the man, "Do you mind keeping the pet next to you, mister. I can already feel a flea in my sneakers."
The man called out to his pet, "Buzo, get back over here asap! That lady has fleas."
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Ronald Gabriel was known for his love for golf. How good he was at the sport is another story.
Once while playing, the golf ball landed on an ant-hill. Ronald swung at the ball sitting on the ant-hill. One could see an explosion of mud and ants flying in the air. Everything seemed to have moved but not the golf ball which had not budged from its place.
So Ronald gave it another try and again mud & ants flew in all directions but the golf ball remained where it was.
Two ants, Rub & Dub, who had survived the assault were discussing their strategy for survival.
Rub asked, "What do you think should we do?"
Dub replied, "The only sensible thing to do is to get on that ball as as soon as possible."
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Mary took her husband Pat to a veterinary doctor. She said to the Vet, "Doctor, my husband is unwell. I want you to treat him."
The Vet said to Mary, "But I am animal doctor. I do not treat humans."
Mary said, "Well the reason I brought him here is that he kicks like a mule in his sleep!"
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Farmer Joe's latest addition to his farm was a young cow. The moment the cow entered the farm gate, Joe's big bull spotted her and started stomping it's feet. It became aggressive and started kicking and jumping.
Farmer Joe feared the bull would knock her up. He wanted the cow to feel at home first before letting her out with the bull. So he consulted the local vet who advised Joe to tie a big curtain around the cow's rump to keep the bull away.
Joe did just that and went to sleep. The next morning, he went to check on the cow but she was nowhere to be seen. Joe followed the trail of her steps to a distance and noticed a young boy sitting near a pond. Farmer Joe asked the young boy if he had seen a cow with a curtain tied around her rump.
The young lad replied, "Don't know that, sir, but I saw one run by with a handkerchief sticking out of her behind!"
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When Annabelle decided to take a break from city life, she landed in a small village in the outskirts of the city.
Enjoying her sabbatical, she ventured into a farm. Patting one of the animals, she asked the farmer, "Why is this cow without horns?"
Farmer Joe was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Let me explain to you ma'am. Cattle can sometimes cause harm with horns, so we use various measures to prevent the harm. Either we trim 'em with a chainsaw,
or we catch them young & apply acid where horns grow to stop the growth. There are also breeds that don't grow horns at all. But none of the above reasons applies to this cow. You know why? Cos it's a horse!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's a good thing that Thursday preceeds Friday. I need a couple more days of doing almost nothing, before the weekend gets here.
Actually I did a little today. I just did it all before noon.
I took the dogs to the park early, and then got some gasoline for my lawn mower. I have to go to a particular gas station in order to find 100% gas, or gas with no ethanol in it.
No small engines are designed to burn ethanol.
Then a quick stop at Walmart and then home to mow the lawn.
It takes a long time to mow because I also mow the neighbors lawn across the street. Their mower is in......limbo.
By the time I was done, I was pretty dog gone hot, and like I said, I was done by noon.
I pretty much blew off the rest of the day.
I hope you all had a great day, and have a happy one today.
joe