Elizabeth Potier
It isn’t life that weighs us down–it’s the way we carry it.
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My mother was rushed to the
hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.
Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.”
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For Martin Luther King Day,
I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place. One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an appetizer.”
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Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: I just wanted to let you know you’re off the air.
Host: Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it.
Caller: It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that.
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When my coworker answered his phone, the confused woman on the other end asked, “Who is this?”
“This is Steve. With whom did you wish to speak?”
After a pause: “Did you just say whom?”
“Yes, I did.”
The woman replied, “I have the wrong number,” and hung up.
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Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.”
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While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who’d injured himself running from a home. He told me he’d broken in and unhooked the phone before searching for valuables. But he’d panicked when he heard a woman’s voice. I entered the house and heard the same voice: “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try your call again.”
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Gilding the lily is a job seeker’s birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed …
… to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying.
… to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin.
… to be a Nobel Prize winner.
… to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time.
… he was fired “on accident.”
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While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along,
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
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Scene: A conversation with my friend’s father, who knows I do
Web design.
Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook?
Me: Oh, very easy.
Friend: He doesn’t mean to make
a Facebook profile. He means to
remake all of Facebook.
Me: Oh. Very hard.
Father: Oh, OK.
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After my niece returned from
her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. “What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “I’ve been sandblasted.”
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During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. I walked into the orderly’s room and asked Sarge if
I could borrow his master key.
“Why, certainly, young man,” he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Here I am again, coming at you live from Tuesday morning.
Monday evening actually.
Tuesday's going to be hotter than a firecracker on......well.....on Tuesday, so naturally I'm going to spend the day out in the sunshine soaking it up at the sod farm.
I want to go out and see what the rain washed up.
I'm hoping I can find something early and come back home early.
I'm hoping they got as much rain out there as we did here.
Ana I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe go back to work next week, but only for 3 sixs, instead of 3 sevens.
Have a happy 4th everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
in the corner, Ana. Glad it's your last day for a while, anyway.
I'll also have to fit some practice in as well. I start my voice lessons again on Friday. 
Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe good luck hunting! Ana nice the end is in sight. Venus have fun with your cats! Coffee and tea are ready. 
)
