Harry S. Truman
My early choice in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.
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A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was
expecting an ocean-view hotel
room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of
the state. “Don’t lie to me,” he said.
“I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”
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Good English
My ESL students try so hard and are so appreciative. One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said, “You teach English good.” Another assured me, “I will always forget you.” And a third insisted, “I thank you from the heart of my bottom.”
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So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
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When a soldier came to the
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an
attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when the examination
was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The soldier remarked, “How long was
I in there?”
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While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should
expect to "cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours.” He then opened the floor to questions.
A lieutenant stood up and asked, “Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?”
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I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.
“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”
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Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to tweet #IGotBusted and share
the most embarrassing times they got caught.
“I was on Facebook at work, and my boss walked up. I slammed down what I thought was my laptop screen, but it was actually my desktop
monitor.”
“I lied and told my dad school
was canceled. He said, ‘Let’s go see
a movie.’ We got in the car, and he dropped me off at school.”
“I was Facebooking in church, and the usher passed by and whispered, ‘You better be texting Jesus.’”
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Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down,
she threw her arms in the air
and yelled in excitement, “I went potty all by myself, and now I can
go to Harvard!”
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My friend called me in hysterics. “I just saw a mouse in my kitchen!” she yelled. “I’m so grossed out! It’s
so disgusting!”
“What are you going to do?”
I asked.
“I’m not sure. But you can bet I’ll never eat the stuff I drop on the floor anymore.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
We have yet another storm system moving up from the South, and just about on us, so I'm just going to wish you all a happy day, and a pretty good night too.
Sweet dreams everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
