William Butler Yeats
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.
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My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three
before we met. When I got home, I decided it was time for a little father-son bonding time. I bought him a
toy razor and invited him to “shave” with me. In the bathroom, I took
up my razor and started shaving.
I looked around to see how my son was doing. His foot was up on the side of the bathtub, and he was
running the razor up and down
his leg. So much for male bonding.
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One of the most popular questions asked at our family restaurant is “What’s good tonight?”
Now, we would never serve anything we didn’t think was good. So
I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.
He calmly replied, “Anything over $17.95.”
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I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?”
My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.”
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What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:
• How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
• Would the lightning be faster if
it didn’t zigzag?
• What do you do with the snow when it melts?
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I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection.
The husband called out to his wife
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”
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My daughter Amy was holding down two jobs: The first was as a manicurist at a salon; the other was raking leaves for a housing development. One day, she came back from lunch at the raking job to find a note. Her boss, who didn’t know about
her other job, had taken down this phone message: “Amy, you have a man to cure on Thursday at three.”
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My granddaughter was
graduating from college, so I asked about any plans she had for the
future. She hadn’t any, but she
did know this much: “I certainly don’t want to sit in one of those
cubicles and think all day.”
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We were making leaflets for a
local church, and the client wanted
a logo designed with Earth being shielded by the hand of God. I sent the client a proof. Shortly thereafter,
I got a call.
Client: The hand looks too human. Please use a hand that looks more like God’s.
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It was sheer brilliance. The ship’s operations officer entered
the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Rather than move, he called the bridge: “Hey,” he said, “can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thanks.”
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Letters to Soldiers from Children
Students are great about
sending our troops letters, and the troops love ’em. You can see why:“Dear Soldier, If you’re having
a rough day, remember the most
important thing in life is to be
yourself. Unless you can be Batman.”
“Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red
Hot Chili Peppers.”
“I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes peanuts.”
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As he got his diaper changed, Daniel looked down and said,
“I have a wee-wee. Daddy has
a wee-wee.”
“That’s right,” said his mother. “That’s because you’re both boys. Do you know what
mommies have?
Daniel did: “Earrings.”
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After catching her five-year-old son Lucas trying to pull a fast one, his mother demanded, “Do you think I have idiot written on my forehead?”
Lucas answered, “I don’t know. I can’t read.”
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During a Pilates class, our thin teacher apologized to one of her larger students for blocking her view of herself in the mirror.
“Don’t worry,” the woman said. “I can see myself on either side of you.”
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During a visit with my grandmother, my husband noticed a birthday card from a local funeral parlor.
“That was nice of them,” he said.
She was unimpressed. “They only want me for my body,” she grumbled.
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After an impromptu song, our pastor asked the church pianist, “What key did I sing that in?”
The pianist replied, “Most of them.”
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My 11-year-old grandson spent
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”
His reply: “I can only dream.”
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As I waited for my luggage
at the airport, a man lifted my
suitcase off the baggage carousel.
“Excuse me,” I shouted. “That’s
my suitcase.”
The man shot back defensively, “Well, somebody took mine!”
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My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped.
It might have had something to
do with how she completed this
sentence: “When the ______ is dead, the car won’t start.”
She wrote: “Driver.”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend gang!
We're already a week into July. Another month and we'll be into training camp.
I just had a new Cowboy cap delivered today.
I went into Lowe's today and talked to them. My manager text me this afternoon, and said don't worry about anything for the next week.
Hoping it's longer.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe