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Sip and Surf Sunday #1117019
07/08/17 10:35 PM
07/08/17 10:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

``````````````

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the 
sentences you apparently 
kidnapped in the dead of night 
and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.

````````````

My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one of them had too much to drink. Feeling drowsy, the poor man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel good. I’m 
going into screen saver mode.”

``````````

While teaching at a veterinary college, I ordered a few books for our library. One was George Orwell’s 
Animal Farm. When I went to take it out, I discovered that the librarian had placed the book in the section for dairy and poultry.

```````````

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, 
demanding a refund.

Client: You did my tattoo backward!

Tattoo artist: It’s backward?

Client: Yes! I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!

`````

A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room. Glaring at me, he grumbled, “What are they doing back there, counting the money?”

```````````

My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication issues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”

``````````

As if the declining health of my grandmother weren’t enough, my parents suddenly had to contend with an ant infestation. So I was glad to get a text from Mom updating me: “Exterminator was here; thinks she got the nest behind the microwave. She sprayed, and hundreds came out—dead and woozy. Grandma 
Marie the same.”

``````````

Scene: My cousin Matt and his daughter at Chick-fil-A.

Matt: Can I please get a four-piece kids’ meal with white milk. [Pause] Oh, and gimme an extra white milk.

Clerk: Um … We only have one kind of milk, and it’s pretty white.

```````````

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”
My wife hasn’t asked me to do anything since.

```````

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

```````

A friend knew that she’d overdone it with the gifts and candy last Easter when her six-year-old woke up to all the booty and shouted, “This is the best Christmas ever!”

```````

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so 
stubborn.”

He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”

````````

“Has your diet changed?” 
I asked an 87-year-old woman I was admitting into the hospital.

“Yes,” she said. “For Lent, I gave 
up whipped cream on my Jell-O, hard candy, and my two beers a night. [Pause] And look where it’s gotten me.”

`````````````

Religion is generally a verboten topic for everyone at work, except 
for Larry. Recently, after he steered yet another conversation toward the subject, a coworker whispered to me, “That Larry—he always has to put his two saints in.”

`````````````

Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.

Customer: Can you help me? I’m looking for a shredder.

Coworker: We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?

Customer: Collard greens.

````````````

Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular 
as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are 
comments purportedly made by 
patients to physicians during their procedures.

“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”

````````````````

Request from a client: “For the ad, use a stock photo of a woman or a person.”

````````````

Looking for a job? Here’s one posted on Craigslist:

“$40K a Year to Attend Harvard University as Me.” Requirements include a 4.0 GPA in high school or a 3.5 GPA in college. Only males need apply, since, as the listing tells us, “I have a male name.” The lucky person tapped for the gig doesn’t have to do much other than “attend all classes, pass all tests, 
and finish all assigned work while pretending you are me.” Don’t worry about having to actually get into 
the Ivy League school: “I’ve already taken care of that,” he says.

```````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave


Ready for another one I hope? yes


I also hope it's a nice one. Saturday was supposed to get up to 95 here, and I suppose it got that hot. I don't know, I never went out until about 6:00, and it was really very nice outside. bravo


I know we had a front come through. It was extremely windy all afternoon. shocked


I didn't expect temperatures that low today and I wish I had gone to the creek today instead. taz


I plan on going in the morning early for a few hours. The flash flood is over, and the water is back down and clear, and I'm chopping at the bit to check it out. happydance


Have a super day everyone. urock


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117022
07/08/17 11:36 PM
07/08/17 11:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117023
07/08/17 11:37 PM
07/08/17 11:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Have a wonderful day Joe, SpaceQ and all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117029
07/09/17 05:34 AM
07/09/17 05:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
summer Enjoy your day Joe, Space, Ana and everyone. Coffee and tea are ready. summer


Gerry
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117036
07/09/17 07:26 AM
07/09/17 07:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,021
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Sunday. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117037
07/09/17 08:26 AM
07/09/17 08:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers:

A happy Sunday wish to everyone! joy2


Gail
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: GBC] #1117042
07/09/17 09:28 AM
07/09/17 09:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone. wave2

I've been up since before 6:00. My plans for the creek today have been rained out by super thunderstorms that hit just before 6:00. eek

I looked at the radar and it didn't look like much. I thought it would blow over in a few minutes. Then I watched it get darker, and the sky opened up, and my bar ditch filled up with water in 5 minutes. shocked

Can you say flash flood? slapforehead

The thunder has been horrific, and non-stop. It's still going on and my poor pups are trying to crawl under the carpet.

So far as the creek is concerned, it's probably going to be up, and muddy again for a couple of more days.

Oh the anticipation.

Have a super day everyone. wave

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/09/17 09:29 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117054
07/09/17 11:54 AM
07/09/17 11:54 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Supercalifragilsticexpialidocious Sunday ya'll puppy

We are heading out to see Mary Poppins in a bit. We saw it several years ago and it was superb. Taking son and the g'sons this time. Son is not a musical fan, but I think he will like it.

Also trying to figure out how to keep ninja Soot from chewing on his foot. Even with a cone on his head, he twists around and gets to it. I'm afraid to wrap it as he would swallow the wrappings as he happily chewed it off while we are gone. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117057
07/09/17 12:22 PM
07/09/17 12:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. wave Just realized I haven't posted yet today. oops grin

It's the second day of my three day weekend. I definitely need to practice today, as I have another voice lesson scheduled for Saturday. thumbsup And then, I think I'll find a game to play. grin

Have a great Sunday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117070
07/09/17 01:19 PM
07/09/17 01:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Venus enjoy your 2/3 day!!

Can't wait to get a 'mud report' from you Joe...storms storms go away...come again another day!!

Good morning Gail Connie Gerry Ana SQF laugh
Wishing all of you
A wonderful Day

L4L hearts

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117074
07/09/17 02:00 PM
07/09/17 02:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, I hope you can get lil soot to stop chewing his foot. So frustrating!

venus, enjoy your day and voice practice!

soot, what are you up to today?

Gerry, Connie and Gail wave

Joe, glad you have some water to wash up some new points!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117100
07/09/17 08:01 PM
07/09/17 08:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from Mary Poppins followed by dinner with son and the boys. It was a great production. Son was not a fan as he doesn't like musicals. I don't like musicals either, but I've seen this one twice and thought it was super both times. The boys seemed to like parts of it. Even if they didn't love it, they've at least been exposed to it.

Me too, Ana. Seagan is a permanent foot licker, but this is new with Lil Soot, we are hopeful!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117105
07/09/17 08:41 PM
07/09/17 08:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Hey Ana...ended up going to the store before the play to get a larger Cone-of-Shame for Lil Soot who decided to start gnawing on his rear foot duh Taking him to the vet tomorrow to have them check his foot. We enjoyed a super production of Mary Poppins this afternoon and then dinner afterwards. Work week comes early tomorrow so will be getting the buddies fed here soon and then calling it a day thumbsup

Have a wonderful evening everyone...see you tomorrow!

sleep


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117109
07/09/17 08:45 PM
07/09/17 08:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Soot and L4L, glad you both enjoyed the play! Good that the boys are exposed to it. Hope the new cone helps and soots foot can heal.

SpaceQ, hope you had a good Sunday!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip and Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1117121
07/10/17 02:21 AM
07/10/17 02:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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