Sun Tzu
If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him.
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While taking stock of our
products, I read aloud the final
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after
I’d finished did we realize that he had entered the numbers on his
desk phone’s keypad.
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While on maneuvers in the
Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help.
“Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base operator asked him.
“Yes,” said the lieutenant. “We are directly under the moon.”
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During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble, and
I was right, because suddenly, he
fell silent—eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long pause, he thundered, “The alphabet?!”
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After my three-year-old begged and begged, I gave in and
let her attend a concert with her older sister and brother. As we
took our seats, I handed programs
to the kids. Following the lead of her siblings, my three-year-old opened her program and announced, “I’ll have the chicken.”
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A commercial boasted that its product could help people live
pain-free in their golden years.
“Am I in my golden years?” my wife, 63, asked.
“Not at all,” I assured her. “But you are yellowing fast.”
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I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens. As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive. Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”
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When I spotted a Navy captain
on the street, I saluted and bellowed, “LST 395,” which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II.
The captain returned my salute and responded, “LMD 67.”
“What’s an LMD?” I asked.
“Large mahogany desk.”
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A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting
unexplainable wind shifts.
“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.
“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”
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Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots
of Love. I have to call everyone back.
~
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.
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A long line leading to the ladies’ room greeted my friend’s wife. Since desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend took her
into the empty men’s room, then stood guard. When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out, “I hope you remembered to put up the toilet seat.”
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When I bought beer at the
grocery store, the clerk asked for
my birthdate.
I said, “10-3-60.”
Her next question: “Is that ‘19’ 60?”
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Good morning everyboomie.
Time to crack open a new week.
I would love to go to the creek, or the sod farm to start this new week off right, but I'm sure the creek is too high after the big rain this morning, and I really need groceries.
I can't believe I can't go over 4 days without a trip to Walmart.
I eat too much.
What can I say, I'm a growing boy.
That leaves me plenty of days this week to treck down to the old creek, and out to the sod farm.
At least we have had major rains in July that would wash up points, and that is fantastic because July is not normally this wet down here.
Last year after May 4th, I didn't post any arrowhead pics. That's because it got too hot, and too dry rainwise.
Have a happy Monday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Tomorrow, I'll have to practice some more, work more on my game, and spend more time with my cats. 
