Arthur Conan Doyle
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
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After interviewing a candidate for an open position, I got a thank-you e-mail, stating, “It was a pressure meeting you.”
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Phlebotomist: I’m here to draw some blood.
Patient: But I just received blood yesterday.
Phlebotomist: You didn’t think you’d get to keep it, did you?
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There was a period when our company’s ownership was constantly changing hands, resulting in a new name for the business each time. After the latest regime and name change, I said, “We’re going to need a new company sign out front.”
A colleague said, “We don’t need a new sign; we need a blackboard.”
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As a flight attendant, I wear a watch with two faces: one set for the time in our departure city, and the other set for our destination city. One day, a passenger asked me for the time. Looking at my watch, I told her, “It’s 9:41 in Chicago and 5:41 in Honolulu.”
Intrigued, she asked, “Is the watch available for other cities?”
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A client walked into my design studio with a black-and-white flyer.
Client: Can you make a color copy?
Me: Do you have the original?
Client: No. Just this one.
Me: Sorry, I can’t make color copies unless I have the original color version.
Client (confused): Why can’t you just run it through the color copier?
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My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
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My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”
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As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in, and said, “You are better looking than half the women here.”
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A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”
“Twelve dollars,” says the barber.
“And for a shave?”
“Ten dollars.”
“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”
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A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: “Patient needs a
referral for your office from me. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.”
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These office drones know exactly what you’re thinking at work:
• No one likes hearing “agree to disagree.” Why don’t we just say, “You’re wrong, but I don’t feel like fighting about it right now”?
• Sorry, I don’t listen to lectures on being organized from people with 60 icons on their laptop’s desktop.
• Answers to questions asked on the way to the bathroom are not
legally binding. People will agree to anything in that situation.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hope you're not afraid of heights because it's Hump Day.
I just hope the temperature doesn't go up with the hump.
Not sure how hot we got today, but it was 97 degrees at 4:00.
I had to run to Walmart again this morning, then after I got home I rushed out to do some more mowing. Again soaking wet when I got back inside.
After I cooled off in the refrigerator I started exercising. I ate a sandwich while I was in the refrigerator.
After I exercised I sat and watched TV while hooked up to oxygen.
Wednesday I don't have anywhere to go. I'm searching Google Earth for new places to hunt, but even at the creeks it's still too hot.
I guess I'll have to exercise some different muscles Wednesday. I may need to refill my oxygen tank first.
You would think just going over the hump would count as exercise.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Joe! Hope you can stay cool and get your exercise in! YOur future self will thank you! 
